Slayers Yoyutchi!
by bellreisa
Summary: It's a whole new adventure in the Slayersverse, featuring the one and only Saikyou Magic sorceress, Kiseki 'Umi' Rendahl!
1. Chapter 1

Slayers! Yoyutchi  
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)  
  
With many thanks to Stefan Gagne for providing a high source of inspiration  
and an uber-cool speech pattern for Luna Inverse. Wai!  
  
In case you're wondering where this story would fit into continuity... it   
would be directly after season two, where Xelloss and Martina debuted.  
  
"Source of all disrespect...  
Taunting that flows within...  
Reveal to me now your true lack of power!  
  
From forth the arcade joysticks and now into my hand....  
King of mockery, sea of inanity,  
I summon thee! Swear myself to thee!  
Uncurl my fist and mock those below us! SAIKYOU SLAAAAAAAVE!"  
  
Episode I: The Frantic Menace  
  
[-----]  
  
"OYAJI!"  
  
No, no, that didn't sound right, gosh darn it! Somehow, she was lacking the  
drive, the motive, the pure OYAJI-NESS of the yell. Try again. Must...  
learn... saikyou...  
  
Must... master... technique...  
  
Can't... stop... pausing...  
  
"*OYA-JI*!"  
  
Hm, better. Maybe a bit more from the abdomen, and less from the throat...  
  
"O-Y-A-J-I."  
  
Ugh, no, now she sounded like a man. And she wasn't a man, last time she had  
checked; although she *did* get confused for one, with her conspicuous lack  
of breasts and--  
  
Hah! She wasn't going to let this stop her. Besides, she beat the crap out  
of anyone who mocked her about her breasts, so that wasn't a problem  
anymore. Then again, she *was* growing--  
  
--oh, geezus, she was getting distracted again.  
  
"OYAJIIIIIIIII!!" she bellowed out, and so forceful was the exhalation that  
her sensei was blown over by the force and sent spiralling out the nearby  
window.  
  
The girl looked up. "Uh... Hibiki-sensei? Sorry about that! I'll pay for the  
damages and everything--ACK!"  
  
Her sensei had taken the time (or not) to leap through the window he'd   
crashed through and glomp onto his student, waterfall-crying all the while.  
  
"Oh, *happy* day!" he blubbered. "For my student has finally learned how to  
properly yell out the traditional battle cry of the Saikyou School of Magic!  
Oh, but this is a knowledge reserved for only the most powerful, my  
daughter... so you must learn how to properly utilize this power and only  
wield it with the utmost discipline!"  
  
"Okay, Hibiki-sensei... but can you please get your hands off my chest? It's  
really... annoying."  
  
Hibiki quickly darted his hand away. "Oops... how'd that get there?" he said  
cheerfully, grinning vapidly at his student. "Anyways... you are now ready.  
Go forth, my child, and taunt! Taunt with caution! Taunt with wisdom! And  
send many more students to the Saikyou School of Magic!"  
  
The girl bowed and smiled winningly. "I shall, Master... I shall!" With  
that, she skipped out of the dojo, her cape flapping in the ensuing breeze.  
  
Dan Hibiki watched her leave, wiping a tear from his eye. "Ah... the sweet  
rapture of having bestowed my knowledge onto another..." he mused. Turning  
around, he began to head back to the office before he was interrupted by an  
errant puddle of teardrops on the ground and the subsequent crash-landing  
procedure between face and ground.  
  
[-----]  
  
Ah, life was good! Even though she never did get an official graduation  
certificate in the mail, she was confident that her marvelous sensei, Dan  
Hibiki (may he live forever), had approved of her being the newest fledgling   
master of Saikyou magic. Imagine, her, lil' ol' Kiseki 'Umi' Rendahl, the  
newest--  
  
Okay, that was enough harping. Hibiki-sensei always said that 'actions spoke  
louder than words--unless you screamed OYAJI *reeeeally* loud', so she was  
going to start her new-found path towards glory by... by...  
  
... um, what *did* she want to do?  
  
There were already tons of magic users in the world--in fact, most people  
were capable of using magic to some extent, since it was so convenient. Of  
course, most of them used piddly, stupid magics, like *white* magic, or  
*black* magic, or... or... whatever that last one was called, shalamanaism  
or something. None of them have yet beheld the glory of...  
  
Saikyouism. Snazz-ass bitches.  
  
What could she do? She couldn't let this world pass her by! She had to help  
spread the teachings of Hibiki-sensei (may he live forever) to all corners  
of the world! Even if it meant consorting with Philbriezo himself, or  
resurrecting Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo--  
  
... *hey* now, that'd really get people's attention, wouldn't it? If they  
were going to pay attention to something, it'd definitely be while they were  
cowering in terror before a dark god!  
  
Oh, but there were going to be the requisite Good Guys (TM) trying to stop  
her... no matter. What a perfect way to spread the influence of Saikyouism--  
by crushing her enemies with it, and then by preaching the message through a   
being who was capable of telling everyone in the world at once!  
  
Kiseki opened the door to her small cottage, on the verge of tears from her  
brilliant insight. "Hibiki-sensei (may you live forever)... you will be so  
proud of me!" she gushed, and walked on in.  
  
But wait. She had to go about this the proper way. There was no telling what  
she would face in her quest for glory, no clue as to the obstacles in her  
path. She had to be prepared.  
  
She sauntered over to her table, where a large knapsack was laying there,  
and began dumping the contents onto a nearby chair. Hair gel. Gold coins. A  
dagger. Teddy Ruxpin (oooh, he's so cuuute)? Another dagger. Mirror. A  
poster of Ricky Martin... dangit, there wasn't anything useful in here.  
  
She made a face, and began to rummage around the room for something remotely  
cool, like a sword, or a spellbook.  
  
/Of course, practitioners of Saikyouism need not such vulgar physicalities,/  
the voice of Hibiki-sensei (may he live forever) echoed in her head. /Now  
fork over another 50 gold, I need to buy something./  
  
/Okay, so I've got nothing but my mad skills to rely upon,/ Kiseki thought  
to herself. /That's all right. I can do this./  
  
Kiseki donned the knapsack (which was now empty), and paused for a moment.  
/On second thought, better buy some food and water--and I'll be needing   
these cosmetic supplies as well,/ she reminded herself. With a triumphant  
opening of the door, she stepped forth and began the first leg of her  
journey.  
  
Six seconds later, she backed out of the broom closet and managed to open  
the front door this time, stepping forth to begin the first leg of her  
journey.  
  
[-----]  
  
Lina Inverse was pissed. This was not a good thing.  
  
The award for the Most Obvious Statement Ever in a Fanfic goes to...  
  
*ahem* Anyways, she was pissed. The day had gone absolutely horribly for her  
in so many ways, it transcended "bad" and into the realm of sheer   
"suckitude". In fact, it was so sucky, there were no words to describe it.  
It was beyond "suck". It was... absolute blow.  
  
Having adequately conveyed the vague impression that perhaps something had  
gone wrong in this day of Lina's life, the errant author then proceeds to  
describe the events that led up to her current state of mind.  
  
Everything had *began* well. She was taking a nap under a tree, making her  
way towards a new town that was supposedly home to a new form of powerful  
magic never seen before in any part of the world. Where magic lay, Lina  
Inverse would be there to snatch it up and learn. The words "Strongest Style  
Magic" had also caught her attention; what could be more powerful than a  
Giga Slave? If there *was* something more powerful, she wanted to see and  
use it--and hopefully, this "Strongest Style Magic" doesn't use magics that  
constitutes selling one's soul to the highest bidder.  
  
And then the apple had hit her on the head.  
  
"OW!" she spat out, rubbing her head. Lina looked upwards in annoyance, then  
picked up the apple and bit into it. There was a sandy crunch in her bite.  
  
Lina blinked, and bit into it again. Another sandy crunch.  
  
She looked at the apple, and noticed the rather-large and currently-headless  
worm wriggling in it.  
  
"AUGH!" she screamed, spitting out the bits and pieces of apple and worm all  
over the floor, tossing the offending fruit into the sky. This was sucky. At  
least there hasn't been any random group of bandits wandering around to try  
and rob her--  
  
"'ay, Missie! Yer money or yer life!" came a rough, uncultured voice from  
behind her.  
  
Oh, for...  
  
"Go away," Lina muttered, not turning around. "I'm trying to recover from a  
bad eating experience here--"  
  
"Yer MONEY or yer LIFE!" the voice repeated in typical Insistent Stupid  
Bandit tones.  
  
"DILL BRAND!" Lina shouted, whirling around, invoking a blast of magic that  
sent the offending bandit(s) to kingdom come. Dusting her hands off, Lina  
casually turned back around and--  
  
"Looks like it's gonna be yer life, Missie!" the bandit yelled, and swung  
his sword at Lina's neck.  
  
The Dora-Mata had time to let out the first syllable of an elaborate swear  
word before she stumbled back, barely avoiding the tip of the sword. She  
managed to get out her own sword while getting a good look at the guy: a  
typical, green-haired, thug clad in shining white armor, a glinting white  
sword in one hand. His mouth was covered with a white faceplate, much like a  
ninja, but it was glaringly obvious that he was smirking.  
  
"Didn't think that your old tricks would work, did you, *Lina* *Inverse*?"  
he said scornfully. "I've been watching you... and I finally know how I can  
defeat you, Enemy of All Who Live!"  
  
Lina, who had been charging a Fireball, now launched a great big ball of   
fire at the white-clad bandit. "Hah! That'll teach you never to make a  
dramatic speech in mid-combat!" she crowed triumphantly. "And you didn't   
even get my title right. Now... gotta find something to get this evil taste   
out of my mouth--huh?!"  
  
The bandit was standing next to Lina, his arms folded over his chest. "Oh,  
come on.. you didn't think that puny little Fireball would get me, did you?"  
he said. "I know all your tricks, Lina Inverse... and I *will* destroy you!"  
  
Lina's eyebrow began twitching. "Darkness from twilight..."  
  
"But first, it says in my contract that I have to divulge the entire story  
of my origin to you, so here goes!" the bandit continued. "A long time ago,  
there was--"  
  
"Crimson from blood that flows..."  
  
"--a young, skinny man who wanted to be a hero. But alas, he was so weak...  
that he could never be anything at all! His mother, though... did not  
believe that to be true... and sent him to train under one of the most  
powerful magi in the land."  
  
"Buried in the flow of time... in thy great name, I pledge myself to   
darkness!" Lina was hovering slightly off of the ground now, sparks of faint  
magic energy stirring up around her.  
  
"And even during the time that the skinny man was under the care and  
guidance of the mage, he still couldn't prove himself to be a hero! So...  
finally, after he returned home with his father and mother, his mother  
decided to try again, and turn her son into a mighty warrior!"  
  
"Those who oppose us shall be destroyed by the power you and I possess!"  
  
"And now, Lina Inverse, I stand before you as... *Jeffrey-kun*, Valiant  
Incarnate!" the bandit proclaimed proudly, raising one hand up in the air.  
  
"DRAGON SLAAAAAAA--aaaaah?!" Lina gasped, recognizing the name. Oh, *boy*,  
did she recognize it. Jeffrey was one of the companions that had accompanied  
her and Naga--another erstwhile rival/partner--at one point in her journies.  
He was supposedly a dashing knight in shining armor, but when she had met  
him, he was just some skinny guy in armor (not shining, either). And now, he   
was... a bandit. Huh, go figure.  
  
"*Jeffrey*?!" she cried in a mixture of disbelief and annoyance. How could  
he, of all people, avoid--  
  
Jeffrey took off his face plate and flashed Lina his patented goofy grin.  
"Yeah! Hiya, Lina, it's me! .... uh, say, can you point that spell the other  
way?"  
  
"Huh? Oh, sure, Jeffrey, hold on a sec... YARGH!" Lina frantically swerved  
around and managed to direct the spell she'd been chanting in the other  
direction away from Jeffrey--and straight towards a random city.  
  
"Lina? Lina? I'm sorry if I got you mad--but hey, did I impress you? Did I?  
Huh? Huh?" Jeffrey gushed, as the backlash of the explosion from Lina's  
Dragon Slave washed over him, making his cape flutter in the wind in a  
relatively-cool fashion.  
  
"Heh..." Lina muttered, picking up her supplies. "Yeah, you did... whoop!  
Look at the time! Gotta run!" With that, she turned tail and began running  
the heck away.  
  
[-----]  
  
The first leg of her journey was proving to be more trouble than she had  
anticipated.  
  
Kiseki had wandered out of her house, and upon seeing some guy walk across,  
had approached him quickly.  
  
"Hey there!" she greeted cheerfully. "Listen, can I ask you a quick  
question?"  
  
The man scratched the back of his head. "Uh, sure, miss... what is it?" he  
said.  
  
"Do you know where I can find a guy named Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo? He's  
supposed to be a really nasty demon, the king of evil or something... I was  
hoping you'd know where he was, or how I can reach him--"  
  
"Are you *crazy*?!" the man nearly-shouted. "Why would you *want* to find  
Shaburanigdo? He's the lord of darkness! The master of evil! He'd kill you  
without a second thought, or even a first!"  
  
"But... I want to preach the ways of Saikyou through him..." Kiseki said,  
crestfallen.  
  
"You're crazy," the man said, backing away slowly. "I'm outta here." With  
that, he scurried off.  
  
"... well, that sucked," Kiseki mumbled, and turned to look around some  
more. The village was pretty much normal for this time of day... people  
walking around, horses drawing fancy carriages along the paved roads... a  
gigantic blast of energy headed straight towards them...  
  
... eh?  
  
Kiseki stared at the big-assed blast of energy for a full second before her  
training kicked in. Raising one forearm, she began to chant quickly: "Power  
of mockery, reveal the true spirit of fighting within!"  
  
Shimmering pink light flowed around her... and within the space of less than  
a second, Kiseki was gone. Disappeared. Vanished. Not there.   
  
The *town*, however, *was*... and the Dragon Slave smashed directly into the  
town hall before detonating, destroying everything within a... big radius.  
(The exact size was unknown, since no one was going to stay around and  
measure it--especially not Kiseki herself). Debris flew up into the air,   
torn from its origins by waves of magical energy; that which was not rapidly  
disintegrated was strewn all over the remains of the torn ground and broken  
pavement.  
  
Dan Hibiki's Saikyou School of Magic, however, lay on the outskirt of the  
spell, so it received nothing more than a significant jar and a few char   
streaks before settling down once more.  
  
Kiseki reappeared a ways outside of the town, smiling brightly. Yup! The  
power of Saikyouism had prevailed once more--Fatherly Flee was one of the  
first spells she had learned, and...  
  
She turned around and saw the town.  
  
... oh dear, this was going to cost a lot of money to repair.  
  
[-----]  
  
The worst thing was, Lina's day had only begun.  
  
"Oh, my *God*, Lina!!" Jeffrey shouted. "You destroyed Kennelia! You   
bastard!" He took the time to pant a few times. "Why are we running like   
this?"  
  
"*Because*, you idiot, I don't want the entire village going after me again  
like that time I had to Slave a dragon that was--" Lina spat out as she  
continued running at a pace that would make... a very fast runner jealous.  
  
Jeffrey, though, was somehow keeping up with her, much to her shock and  
chagrin. The armor he was wearing almost seemed to be *pulling* him along...  
this was weird. What happened to the incompetent git (complete with rabid,  
killer maternal unit) that she'd met?  
  
"I think all the villagers would be busy repairing their homes," he pointed   
out, looking around. His green hair (which was now admittedly much more   
cooler-looking) whipped around his face.  
  
"Well, yeah," Lina said flippantly, still running. "But still, you never  
know who gets o--OW!"  
  
The mage went flying back onto her butt as she ran into something--no,  
someone. Lina looked up.  
  
A female was standing there, her blue hair and cape billowing dramatically   
in the wind. She was garbed in a traditional mage's outfit, with a white  
shirt, a one-sided shoulder piece that veered off to her left, and blue  
trousers. Her eyes were a piercing blue... and glaring angrily down at Lina  
at the moment.  
  
"And you were running because..." the girl demanded.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" Lina shot right back. "I can run if I feel like it,  
y'know."  
  
The wind kicked up dramatically once more, sending the girl's cape flaring  
out behind her. "*I* am Kiseki 'Umi' Rendahl... the first master of   
Saikyouism in the land!"  
  
Jeffrey had finally managed to stumble up to the two, tripping over a small  
portable fan the instant he drew close. Kiseki's dramatic breeze quickly   
died down.  
  
"OW! ... *huff*... *puff*... hey, Lina... *cough*... who's this lady?" he   
managed to get out.  
  
/Obviously Jeffrey's physical condition hasn't improved much--and yet he was  
able to dodge my Dill Brands,/ Lina mused. /Hmm./  
  
"Some mage," Lina said aloud, turning away from Kiseki. "C'mon, let's go."  
  
"Hey, hey!" Kiseki protested. "I'm not going to just let you *walk* off!  
You were the one who charbroiled my village back there, weren't you?"  
  
Lina paused. "Yeeeah..." she said slowly.  
  
"You... you sent my sensei to another dimension..." Kiseki breathed. "I-I   
can't let you get away with that. OYAJI FLARE!"  
  
"Wha--" Lina began, before a bright light rose sharply from Kiseki's hand,  
streaking directly towards her. Lina managed to weave aside narrowly, and  
the spell slammed directly into Jeffrey.  
  
With no effect whatsoever.  
  
"What was *that*?" Jeffrey said.  
  
"All right, look!" Lina said. "I'm really sorry about blowing up your  
village, but killing me's not going to do anything. Besides," she smirked,  
"you have no idea who you're going up against."  
  
"... no, I don't," Kiseki admitted after a second or two of thought. "But  
smiting you *will* avenge my fallen Hibiki-sensei (may he live forever)...  
and that is the task which I will devote myself to."  
  
"Um, right," Lina said. "Look, I'm sorry, but I gotta go and find something  
right now, so if you'll excuse me--"  
  
"Yoyutchi *BLAST*!" A random configuration of small pinkish orbs flew out  
at Lina.  
  
"Oh, for..." Lina quickly raised a Valus Wall and deflected the majority of  
the orbs aside, then began to charge a spell of her own in her hands. "You  
are really beginning to piss me off..."  
  
Kiseki was already charging another pulsing orb of pinkish energy in her  
cupped hands. "Yeah... sensei, I will avenge you... CHOUHATSU BRAND!"  
  
"You can at least come up with some original names--" Lina began, before  
Kiseki flew up into the air, a pink column of energy exploding beneath her.  
"Huh. She missed."  
  
She turned around, dispelling the spell that she was about to cast, and   
began making her way towards the--  
  
--Kiseki landed on top of Lina. More precisely, Kiseki *stomped* on top of  
her, as if she had actually planned to blow herself up into the air (a  
thought that was as practical as it was ridiculous). The smaller girl was  
driven straight into the ground with a curse and a bitch, and Kiseki stepped  
away from Lina, dusting off her grade-A combat boots carefully.  
  
Slowly... slowly... Kiseki's right arm rose up, and curled at the elbow...  
then began shaking back and forth in a show of utter defiance and mockery.  
"OYAJIIIIII!!!" she bellowed, in the long-practiced traditional cry of the  
now-fallen Saikyou School of Magic.  
  
"What the--ow, damn, those boots hurt--hell are you *doing*?!" Lina   
demanded, scraping herself up from the ground. The impact wasn't so bad, but  
it really was weird to see a girl shaking her forearm at you instead of  
casting a Fireball, or a Freeze Arrow, or something actually effective.  
  
"Anger is the path... of the loser's circle..." Kiseki crowed triumphantly,  
still shaking her forearm at Lina. There was something mesmerizing about  
the way she was shaking it...  
  
"FIIIIIIIIIIIRE...." Lina began, raising one hand upwards, a swirling mass  
of red energy gathering with incredible speed above her palm.  
  
"AIYAHAYIHAYAYAHIIAIYAYAI!" Jeffrey screamed, and zoomed right past Lina,  
his sword upraised. Lina prepared for impact--as stupid as Kiseki was, even  
*she* couldn't lose to someone like Jeffrey--  
  
Kiseki was caught in mid-forearm-shake and managed to somehow flip a full  
three somersaults in the air before coming to a grinding halt on the ground.  
Jeffrey, on the other hand, skidded to a halt shortly after barrelling into  
her (his sword was still upraised), and gave Lina a V-for-victory sign with  
both hands. The sword dropped onto his foot.  
  
"--ball," Lina finished blandly, and shot the ball of magic into the sky  
somewhere. Ignoring Jeffrey's yelp of pain, she turned to Kiseki, who was   
still on the ground. "Hey, listen, can you do me a favor? I need to find a   
town here, a town that's home to the Strongest Style of Magic. You got any   
idea where it is?" Lina was careful to stay back in case Kiseki had a   
lethal weapon of some sort, like a lollipop or a piece of string.  
  
Kiseki responded with a magnificent round of silence.  
  
"Well? You gonna sit there in a heap all day? That looks painful, too."  
  
"You blew it up, along with the town," was Kiseki's deadpan response.  
  
"... oh. Damn."  
  
Silence. A leaf fluttered by on the ensuing breeze. Jeffrey batted at it  
with the portable fan that he'd tripped over earlier.  
  
"So, now what?" he said.  
  
"Now, I take my leave," Lina said, getting up to her feet again and  
beginning to walk off.  
  
Kiseki was immediately up on her feet as well. "Hold it. I'm not going to  
let you escape my clutches, you... you...! Uh, what was your name?"  
  
"Lina," Lina said, sauntering off with a somewhat-calm expression on her  
face. (On Lina's face, a calm expression usually meant something bad.)  
"Lina Inverse." She waited for the gasps and exclamations of horror to  
follow, things along the lines of "the enemy of all living things", and--  
  
"That's a pretty name," Kiseki said.  
  
Okay, this one was new.  
  
"Now, if you weren't my mortal enemy, I could appreciate it. Prepare to get  
hurt, Lina Inverse!"  
  
This one *wasn't* new.  
  
"Sorry, but no thanks, next in line, please," Lina said airily, casting a  
Raywing over herself. She floated upwards a few feet, then looked back down  
at Kiseki. "I'm *really* sorry about that... I'll make it up to you later,  
all right?"  
  
"H-hey!" Kiseki protested, jumping up ineffectually. "Get back down here!"  
  
"Nope, can't do. Later!" Lina said, and flew off into the distance.  
  
Jeffrey managed to tear his attention away from the riveting saga of a  
moving leaf and a small portable fan long enough to notice Lina's departure.  
"Hey, Lina! Wait up! I gotta talk to yooooooooouuuuuu..." His voice trailed  
off as he--or rather, his armor--sped up and began tearing across the  
grasslands in pursuit of the airborne sorceroress.  
  
/Okay,/ Kiseki thought. /This will be a bit harder than I thought./  
  
Wearily, she got up and began walking off into the distance.  
  
[-----]  
  
Lo, and behold, there was darkness.  
  
Darkness, all-consuming and writhing throughout the very fabric of the  
world. It was here. It was there. It was everywhere, in all places one can  
lay their eyes upon. Lack of form, absence of light, or any other fancy  
poetic names one could think of.  
  
It was really, *really* dark, okay?  
  
As the reader was gaping at the sheer inanity of the words before his eyes,  
a form--not a physical form, or even a spiritual one, but a form that was  
nothing more than a slightly-more defined ripple in the darkness--made  
itself seen (or perceived, for it is impossible to see in a place that is  
nothing but utter darkness). It was a tall, shapely figure, feminine by most  
standards, and it was moving through the darkness like a shadow through a  
thick fog.  
  
Another form began to make its shape perceived in the rolling darkness...  
and this shape was distinctly more prodigious, towering over the smaller one  
like a bird of prey over it's... well, prey. As the smaller figure stood  
there, impasse, the larger figure began slowly rising up, inch by inch,  
feet by feet, until it took up what appeared to be the entire area in the  
'sky', if there was even a sky in this place.  
  
"Oi. You done yet?" the smaller figure called out; not with her voice, so  
much as her mind, a projection of her whims... for she was a very whimsical  
person.  
  
The larger figure stopped its towering and wavered there, silent, trying its  
utmost to look cool.  
  
"Ya don't look cool. C'mon, let's talk."  
  
With a loud rumble that was supposed to be a sigh of some sorts, the larger  
figure quickly diminished in size until it was no more than a short, hunched  
being standing in front of the now-larger female.  
  
"Need 'nother schtick, Ceiphey," the female muttered, her 'tone' smiling.  
"Darkness is gettin' old."  
  
"I suppose," 'Ceiphey' said. "Shall I begin the briefing, Luna?"  
  
'Luna' shifted vaguely onto her other foot. "S'pose so," she said. "G'wan."  
  
"The Dragons have long been in existence in this world," 'Ceiphey' began.  
"And during that time... we have had to stand against the Mazoku repeatedly,  
and protect the humans from their wickedness."  
  
"Ayup."  
  
"Not only this... but I sense that another dark presence looming upon us."  
  
"Shabby 'gin?" 'Luna' said offhandedly.  
  
"No, no... not Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo... that would be boring, given how we  
have had to defeat him so many times already... it is someone... else."  
  
'Luna' cocked her head. "Do tell."  
  
"I do not know," 'Ceiphey' said. "That is what I want you to find out, Luna.  
Go forth and do my will."  
  
"Heh, no prob, Ceiphey. Would've done it anyways, y'know?" 'Luna' said,  
  
"... yes, my Knight. Go forth."  
  
The head of the Luna-ripple nodded once, then faded out from existence. A  
few seconds later, the form of the Ceiphey-ripple disappeared into nothing  
as well.  
  
It starts.  
  
[-----]  
  
And you thought that that was the worst of Lina's day, didn't you? You're so  
wrong, it isn't even funny. Okay, maybe it is, but just a little.  
  
After Lina had Raywinged her way across a half-hour or so of terrain, she  
had finally drawn close to another small town of sorts. Gently setting  
herself down, she quickly scanned the outskirts of the place. A sign was  
hammered into the ground:  
  
  
"Welcome to the town of Ri Saikul Lable. Population 15."  
  
  
Was this a bad sign, all puns aside?  
  
She decided, to hell with it, and walked in anyways. The town was remarkably  
small (because only fifteen people lived in it), sporting a bar, a jail, a  
general store, and exactly five houses, each the same general size and   
shape. It reminded Lina a lot of her own town, except Zefiela had more   
stores, more people, a variety of houses... okay, so maybe it was nothing  
like her hometown, but at least they both shared the same quaintness.  
  
Lina Inverse was hungry. Fifteen people would have to strive mightily to  
feed her.  
  
She walked into the bar, and immediately noticed that the entire town was  
probably here--a majority of it, at any rate. A man was banging away at the  
piano with a jovialty that had to be drunk; the sound coming from the piano  
was horrendous, as well. A shapely waitress was serving drinks to a group of  
four--a family, judging by their look--at a table. The bartender himself was  
at the bar, shaking up a drink for one of the three people that sat on the  
high stools. Another curvacious woman was atop a dais of some sort, with the  
requisite males (three of them) gawking at her.  
  
Lina took a seat between the pianist and another table where two seedy-  
looking guys were talking in low, hushed tones. "Hey, some service here, and  
I don't mean the scantily-clad kind!" she called out towards the waitress.  
  
The waitress sauntered over, remaining turned to one side so as to serve  
the table next to her. "Yeah?" she mumbled, flipping a lock of   
crimson-purple hair away from her... eyes? From what Lina could see, the  
lady didn't have any... either that, or she had *really* long bangs.  
  
"Gimme one of everything on the menu!" Lina proclaimed happily. Yup, if  
there was one thing she needed now, it was--  
  
The waitress turned around, looking at Lina straight in the face. "Hiya   
sis," she said.  
  
--NOT her sister Luna!  
  
"AIE!" the younger Inverse yelped, stumbling off of her chair. "Uh... h-hey  
there, L-L-Luna..." she managed, her voice somewhere between a squeak and a  
whisper. Luna just stood there, smiling in a way that was pretty damned  
smug: her "big sis knows much more than you do" smile.  
  
"Orderin'?" she said simply.  
  
Lina blinked. "Uh... n-no, not now... I think I'll be leaving, actually--  
BYE!" With that, she scrambled up and zipped through the door, a veritable  
trail of smoke in her wake.  
  
Luna watched her go. "Heh."  
  
With that, she went back to waiting on the other patrons of the bar.  
  
[-----]  
  
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com. 


	2. Chapter 2

Slayers! Yoyutchi  
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)  
  
No, this fic will not feature the angsty rape and death of a cute cartoon  
character. Get off that trip already.  
  
"Spirit of inanity, guide me! FATHERLY FLEE!"  
  
Episode II: The Long, Winding Road of Fate and Other Nifty Stuff  
  
[-----]  
  
Lina was pissed again. This wouldn't be anything new, except that now she   
had a green-haired, skinny gink next to her in some sort of shining white   
armor that managed to grant him superhuman strength and speed. In addition   
to that, she had encountered her long-lost sister in a place that she'd   
never expected to; a rundown pub in some random city, for crying out loud!   
Geez!  
  
Top that all off with the knowledge that some incompetent, self-proclaimed  
master of Saikyouism was after her (it wasn't so much the actual threat as  
the thought and potential annoyance factor of having a tagalong who was less  
competent than Jeffrey-kun), and it made for a headache that wouldn't quit.  
And when you had a headache *this* big...  
  
... it was time to blow something up.  
  
".... grnk," Lina muttered, trying to avoid the urge to Dill Brand the   
walking, talking, hunk of metal next to her. He'd been spouting off for the  
past two hours about his 'escapades' since they'd last met: how his mother  
had found a mysterious armor-maker in the town of Kennelia--  
  
"HEY! Isn't that the one you blew up, Lina?" Jeffrey said in a particular  
moment of actual recognition.  
  
"Grnk," Lina growled in a rather-surly fashion under her breath. Jeffrey  
interpreted that as a 'yes' and continued to talk.  
  
--and how he'd put the armor on and was suddenly super fast and strong and  
cool-looking, wow! So now, with his nifty new powers, he called himself the  
White Knight of Flaming Justice, roaming the countryside and saving damsels  
in distress and killing dragons--  
  
"That's why you tried to rob me, eh?" Lina said acerbically, flicking the  
tip of her boot out to kick a rock. The stone bounced over the ground a few  
hops before coming to a skidding halt once more.  
  
"Actually, Lina, I was trying to impress you!" Jeffrey said. "I know that  
you weren't too impressed by our last adventure together, so I decided to  
show you what I was capable of now! Isn't it cool?"  
  
"Grnk," Lina replied again, approaching the kicked rock and kicking it   
again. Tumble tumble scratch scratch.  
  
"Anyways, what are we going to do about that Kiseki girl?" he asked, slowing  
his pace from Mindless Barge to Tugboat on Steroids. "She looks dangerous."  
  
"Grnk?" Lina stopped and looked at Jeffrey with an expression of incredulity  
and disbelief. /*Dangerous*...?/  
  
"You know... Kiseki Rendahl, or something.... the one with the really cool  
outfit, master of Saikyouism..."  
  
"Grnk."  
  
"I think we should try and talk her out of it, Lina. I mean, she might have  
just been toying with you last time."  
  
"Grnk?"  
  
"She could be really powerful, Lina. I heard about this one guy, with purple  
hair, and he's always saying 'that's a secret, that's a secret', and he's  
supposed to be really--AGH!"  
  
"GRNK!" Lina said angrily, grabbing Jeffrey by the collar of his shirt   
(which was protruding from beneath the layers of armor). "Grnk grnk, *grnk*  
grnk grnk, *GRNK*! GRNK?!"  
  
"Yes, Lina, I understand. Sorry." He was promptly released and send   
sprawling backwards. "But he's become really famous! Even in my village,  
they're talking about... about... uh, heh, about how he's such an idiot!"  
  
"Grnk." Lina nodded in satisfaction and continued to attempt getting the  
piece of masking tape off her mouth.  
  
... masking tape? The hell--  
  
She ripped the tape off her mouth. "OWWWWWWWW! Who the hell did that?!"  
  
"Not me," Jeffrey said nervously, looking around. "Weren't you just talking  
a few seconds ago?"  
  
"Grnk--GRNK?!" Eyes wide, Lina pulled another piece of masking tape off of  
her mouth and flung the sticky thing aside. "The *hell*?!"  
  
"Wait--Lina!" Jeffrey said, looking at the pieces of tape. "There's some  
sort of symbol on the tape! It looks like... a man's forearm shaking a fist  
at you..."  
  
/Forearm... shaking.../ Lina pondered. /Wait./ She thought back to earlier  
(much, *much* earlier, about 3 years ago) in the day when she'd first run  
across Kiseki... and her pose after she'd landed a hit on her...  
  
"It's the work of grnk grnk," Lina said, before another piece of forearm-  
decorated tape adorned her mouth once more. "Grnk grnk GRNK!!!"  
  
"Looks like a curse, Lina," Jeffrey said, reaching out to pull the tape off,  
ignoring Lina's wide-eyed look.  
  
*Riiiiiiiip*.  
  
A puff of ash and a Dill Brand later, Lina dusted off her hands and   
continued on her merry way--as another piece of tape materialized over her  
mouth. Jeffrey-kun clunked down onto the ground a second later, his white  
armor streaked with dirt clods.  
  
"Hey, Lina, wait up!" he said, spitting out some random earth and scrambling  
to his feet. "Wait for meeeeee!"  
  
[-----]  
  
Ri Saikul Lable (population 15) was a sparse town; so sparse, in fact, that  
the word 'sparse' didn't begin to describe it. For Kiseki, however, it was  
the perfect size. Not only did the entire town consist of nothing more than  
a bar, a jail, a general store that had an endless supplies of these curious  
herbs that restored one's vitality when chewed--only 8 gold apiece, today  
was a blowout sale on herbs!--and five houses, the small population would  
make it easier for her to interrogate the entire public in order to find out  
where her nemesis, the Dora-Mata Lina Inverse, had disappeared to.  
  
Dora-Mata. What a stupid name. Kiseki wasn't quite sure what it meant; it  
sounded like a rank in some foreign theater class for blind mimes. At any  
rate, she was *positive* she had seen Lina come this way. And even if she  
hadn't seen her, the curse that she'd put on her would make itself obvious,  
no matter where she was.  
  
Ah, the most notorious curse of Saikyouism... the Curse of the Everlasting  
Painful Adhesive. Properly applied, the curse would be a noisome bother to  
even the most powerful of magi... because the instant an adhesive was peeled   
(and *very* painfully so) off, it would be replaced in the exact same   
location, for as many times as necessary. Kiseki had taken the jolly little  
liberty of slapping one over that scrubby Dora-Mata's mouth... and...  
  
Kiseki began snickering as she walked. And... that would interfere so badly  
with her spell-casting, it wouldn't be funny--actually, NO, it was *very*  
funny! Ahahahahahahaha! It was sure a sight, watching one of the most  
powerful magi in the world being foiled by a low-level spell from a class  
of magic that they had obviously underestimated OWWWW!!!  
  
She peeled herself off the flagpole and rubbed her face. Hibiki-sensei (may  
he live forever) had always told her to be wise with one's taunting... one   
must taunt forcefully, but one must not force the taunt. Unfortunately, it  
had been neither one, unless you count forcing oneself into a large metal  
shaft sticking up from the ground a form of opponent mockery.  
  
Now, let's see...  
  
Opting to go with the bar, Kiseki made her way over to the dingy building  
and entered, making sure the swinging doors didn't bap her on the back as  
she walked through. The bar was considerably empty; maybe it was because it  
was only eleven or so in the morning. She'd never drank in her life, and she  
didn't intend to start (yet). Looking around and finding nothing of note,  
she sat down on a barstool and politely waved a waitress--the only one,  
apparently--over.  
  
"Hiya. Whatcha gettin'?" the waitress rattled off. Kiseki noticed that the  
waitress' eyes were concealed in voluminous sheaves of red hair that seemed  
to curl in insinuous bangs over her forehead...  
  
"Erm, let me see the menu first," Kiseki said, feeling distinctly   
uncomfortable under that non-existant gaze.  
  
"Beer, burgers, fries, chips," the waitress said, indicating that anything  
else would be considered 'them fancy fixin's'.  
  
"I'll have a burger and fries with some raspberry nectar, then," Kiseki said  
distractedly, her mind already forming a scheme as to how she would  
manipulate this waitress into telling her everything she knew. Yes, with a  
few words of encouragement and perhaps a coin or two, she would--  
  
"'kay," the waitress mumbled, and wandered off to fill the order. Kiseki  
looked at her go, wondering exactly how much in tips she got from work; with  
an attitude like that, it couldn't be much. Then again, she *did* have these  
luscious round--  
  
"Sesame buns," the waitress muttered, coming back in what must have been a  
half second. "Out of wheat. Sorry."  
  
"That's okay," Kiseki said amiably, looking at her again, her gaze   
invariably trailing down to the waitress' chest area. She'd been doing this  
a lot recently; it was kinda disturbing, actually. It wasn't as if she was  
trying to compensate for something; heck, her boobies were nice and firm,  
nothing wrong there, she wore those Miracle-Push suckers day in and day out,  
so everyone was convinced that she had a ton of bounce to the ounce--  
  
The waitress smirked slightly. "Got anythin' else ya want?" she said,  
shifting her tray to her other hand without so much as losing a beat.  
  
"No--look. I wasn't staring at your breasts and mentally comparing them to  
mine, all right? Just--that's all for now, thanks." Kiseki groaned and swung  
around on the stool, turning her full attention onto the basket of french  
fries in front of her face.  
  
Okay, time to plan. First off, she needed to find--  
  
"Lina Inverse?" the waitress said, appearing behind the bar without so much  
as a skitter. The smirk returned to her face.  
  
"Wh-what?!" Kiseki demanded, nearly knocking over her basket of home-made  
fries. "How did you--"  
  
"Hush." The waitress placed one finger over her lips in a 'shhhh' gesture,  
and snapped her fingers. Conveniently enough, they were abruptly outside,  
behind the restaurant. Kiseki glanced around, then drew both hands back,  
charging a gathering of pinkish energy between her hands.  
  
"Who are you?" she demanded. "What's going on?"  
  
Never losing a single beat--almost as if this entire scene had been  
choereographed by someone--the waitress favored Kiseki with another hair-  
masked gaze. "Luna Inverse. Meetcha."  
  
"Luna... Inverse? Wait." Kiseki cancelled the spell she'd been casting, and  
tapped her chin, deep in thought. "Inverse... so... you must be related to  
Lina, then?"  
  
Luna paused, as if reassessing her situation, and continued on, almost  
missing a beat this time. "Ayup. Make you a deal. You follow her, and I'll  
help ya. Cool?"  
  
"What kind of 'help' are you talking about?" Kiseki said warily, turning her  
gaze away from Luna's legs and back up to her face. My, she seemed so...  
tall.  
  
"Ya want revenge, right? I'll help ya." Luna brushed a few strands of hair  
out of her eyes, and for a moment, Kiseki could see a gleaming, azure sheen  
to them.  
  
"Why? Aren't you Lina's sister? What have you got against her?"  
  
Luna's smile grew wider, if that was possible, and she spat off two words  
that hung in the air. "Ceipheed's orders."  
  
"Ceipheed... *Flare* *Dragon* *Ceipheed*?!" Kiseki exclaimed. "So you're  
working for him, and--oh, oh...!!"  
  
"Yep."  
  
This was unbelievable. This was truly an opportunity! She couldn't let this  
one slip by her--here was a living, breathing, and ample-bosomed specimen of  
an emissary of one of the greatest forces in the entire *universe*, and she  
was talking to her! Imagine the odds!  
  
Now, what was she going to say...  
  
"Um... Luna, right?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"... where *do* you get your hair done?" In all her nervousness, Kiseki had  
temporarily forgotten about the idea she had yesterday for spreading the   
might of Saikyouism throughout the world. So she came up with the next best  
thing.  
  
"Pauline's. Great place. Free breathmints. Want?" She offered Kiseki one,  
and the girl eagerly accepted, popping the thing into her mouth immediately.  
  
Luna watched as the girl collapsed onto the ground, the chemicals in the  
'breathmint' taking effect almost immediately. It wasn't her usual style of  
work--she preferred the 'drag and drop' method--but it wasn't strictly under  
Ceipheed's orders this time, so a little leeway was allowable. After all,   
Ceipheed was pretty generous in his commands. Luna had the freedom to   
accomplish his goals through whatever means she preferred--and this one was   
definitely something new.  
  
"Ready. C'mon out," she muttered to thin air.  
  
From behind Luna, two masses of mist gathered and coalesced into two   
vaguely-humanoid figures. Both of them sported impressive, rippling muscles,  
and were clad in what looked like skin-tight apparel in a multitude of   
colors and designs. A large golden letter was emblazoned across the chest of   
each, designating one to be "A" and the other "G".  
  
In a burst of flashing strobe lights (it was just a cheap first-level light  
spell repeatedly cast and extinguished, but the effect was the same), the  
two figures struck a pose of dubious sexual tendencies.  
  
"*I* am Ace!" the one with the letter "A" said.  
  
"And *I* am Gary!" the other one announced proudly.  
  
"Together--we are the Disturbingly Ambiguous Mazo--"  
  
"Skip it," Luna muttered, lifting Kiseki's body up with a bubble of white  
light and sending her over in front of Ace and Gary. "Here. Like ya wanted."  
  
Ace took a few seconds to examine Kiseki's prone form in an utterly sterile  
fashion before facing Luna once again. "This is excellent," he said, his  
voice somewhere between treble and squeak. "You shall be well-rewarded, Luna  
Inverse--"  
  
Luna smirked. "Told ya. Don't need it. Just follow up," she said, crossing  
her arms.  
  
"Follow up... oh, *yes*," Gary said, *his* voice somewhere between squeak  
and treble. "Very well, Luna Inverse. We are honored to reciprocate your  
favor to the Mazoku. Consider your request fulfilled."  
  
"Know what they say 'bout countin' chickens 'fore they hatch," Luna said  
easily. "Don't."  
  
"We take pride in our work," Ace responded, a tad offended. "And I assure  
you, on behalf of the..."  
  
The two struck another pose that surely caused pain to their nether regions.  
"Disturbingly Ambiguous Mazoku!" they announced triumphantly.  
  
"... we can complete any task set before us," Gary finished.  
  
"Good." Luna turned around to return to work, before Ace's voice cut in. "A   
question, Knight of Ceipheed..."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
Ace smiled ingratiatingly. "How is it that you, the Knight of Ceipheed and  
Emissary of the Pure Race, can deal with us Mazoku? Is it not forbidden to  
you?"  
  
"Ah." She grinned. "That's a secret."  
  
"... just like that *damnable* priest!" Gary whined. "I swear, where has  
common courtesy and decency gone to these days?!"  
  
Luna looked the two Mazoku over. "Dunno." She shrugged, and tipped them a  
salute. "See ya later." With that, she headed back into the restaurant and   
began to clear off the uneaten portions of Kiseki's meal, writing up an   
I.O.U. for later. Much later--but an unpaid tab was never forgotten. Not in   
the eyes of Ceipheed, anyways.  
  
"*Well*," Ace harrumphed, thoroughly miffed. "It appears our benefactor has  
left us out in the dust."  
  
"I agree. And such *dust* it is... I think my pants are sticking to my   
legs." Gary dusted himself off mournfully.  
  
Ace smiled warmly, and stroked Gary's hair in a nauseatingly-sweet fashion.  
"Gary, your pants are skin tight as it is. It is but natural for them to  
cling to your thighs."  
  
"Ah, but I forget," Gary said, smiling in return. "But--business first. Let  
us depart with our prize, the Master Mage herself, the Knight of Hibiki."  
  
"Yes," Ace agreed, and in another flash of strobe lights, both Mazoku and  
Kiseki disappeared in a heart-shaped cloud of dust.  
  
[-----]  
  
Beauty is a wondrous thing, to any beholder that may gaze upon it. To some,  
it is a matter of pure relevance; and for everyone, it is a pleasure to look  
at and take in. There is nothing quite like the stirring, majestic peace of  
a mist-covered range of mountains, or the serene tranquility of a forest  
glade. In similar respect can beauty be found in the inhabitants of these  
breathtaking landscapes aforementioned.  
  
On a completely unrelated note, there was a guy and a girl sitting in a bar  
in the midst of a rowdy town that had all the notes of civilization to it.  
The guy was handsome: one of those vain types whose head wasn't so far up  
his patoot that he went so far as to claim he was perfect, and yet made more  
than enough claims than one was obligated to daily. The girl was pretty, in  
a nondescriptive way.  
  
A description of her face would be as follows: blue eyes, with pale blond  
hair that fell in straight, sturdy locks slightly below her shoulder, with  
one small braid on the left side of her face. Expanding horizons slightly,  
she was of a slight but strong build, wearing a simple robe that engulfed  
her arms and her entire body, leaving everything to the imagination.  
Everything, that is, except for two round highlights cinched together with   
a miniature corset in the topmost region of the robe, a sight that many a   
male feasted their eyes upon.  
  
The one currently feasting his eyes upon the sight was treating the two  
round highlights and their owner to a lavish dinner in a rundown bar. The  
meal consisted of high-grade homemade chips, a cheese dip that tasted like  
rancid vomit, and rolls of bread hard enough to chip a tooth or two on. The  
entree was an ugly, shriveled-up fish slathered in a gooey orange sauce that  
was supposedly the house special.  
  
The male spoke--and not about himself, remarkably enough. "Listen, Nevv   
baby..." he began, trying to get her to look at him by guiding her face with  
his fingers. Nevv, the girl, didn't budge. "I know I'm not, like, your dream  
hunk. But can't we, like, y'know, find our happiness in love, or some shit?"  
  
"Let me think about that..." Nevv pondered for a second. "In the past year  
that I've made the mistake of going out with you, you've taken me to this  
run-down ol' shack twenty-seven times and have tried to touch me six hundred   
and thirty one times. Now--"  
  
"Whoa," the man said, impressed (a rather unimpressive feat owing to the  
identity of one in question). "You kept count? Cool."  
  
"Well, it was the only thing I could do after you *bored* me to death on the  
first 'date'," Nevv replied with the sarcasm laid on heavier than the sauce   
on the house special fish. "Watch the *thrills* as the horse decides to kick  
the bucket in front of us while on a moonlit, abandoned street! *Hello*! As  
if that wasn't the oldest trick in the book--and will you *listen* to me  
instead of looking at those all the time!"  
  
The man grinned goofily at her. "I can't help it if your beauty defies all  
description," he attempted.  
  
"Well, yes, how's this for a description: they're big, they're round,   
they're firm, and their owner is getting the *hell* out of this hole." Nevv   
tossed her napkin--a ripped-off sheet of brown, recycled paper from the town   
of Ri Saikul Lable--onto the table, and got up.  
  
"Whoa... you said 'hole'..." the man said, and proceeded to find amusement   
in looking at his own reflection in the pool of special sauce.  
  
"*Ugh*," Nevv muttered, and flounced on out. The idiot could pay for both of  
them, she figured. She really did not need this kind of tripe at this time  
in her life. After all, she was an up-and-coming mage, and like other female  
magi in her class, she got absolutely no respect. There *was* the occasional   
leer and lewd comment when she walked by, but a quick Fireball or Flare   
Arrow took care of that.  
  
And now she was left with nothing to do.  
  
/I could always go home and read,/ she thought to herself, watching the  
throngs of people file by her on the street. Nevv sighed inwardly. It always  
looked as if she was the only one left without something to do--except date  
really, really, really moronic men all the time. That wasn't her idea of   
fun. The more appealing things in life--studying magic and using it on  
hapless victims, curling up by the fireplace and reading a nice book ("How  
To Decimate a Band of Theives in Thirty Seconds or Less" was her current  
project), or other such stuff was enjoyable, but not on a daily basis. She  
needed interaction. She needed conversation--*intelligent* conversation. She  
needed...  
  
"Tadaima!"  
  
"Tadaima, ma chere!"  
  
... two guys in colorful spandex posing in front of her. Oh, what *now*.  
  
"What the hell does 'tadaima' mean, anyways? And drop the French while   
you're at it, mmmkay?" Nevv said, her voice carrying across the street.  
People began to look. This was good; blowing away two fruits in colorful  
suits would appease the need for destruction at high speeds. Whaddya know,  
she was even a poet!  
  
The two figures didn't budge, and Nevv began getting the distinct impression  
that either one or both of them *had* to be in great pain to maintain that  
stance of theirs. "'Tadaima', my *dear*, dear Nevv... means 'I am home',"  
the one with a giant 'A' across his chest burbled.  
  
"Yes!" the one with the giant 'G' ejaculated, spouting off his words in  
rapid bursts. "It means... that we have... *come*... for *you*!"  
  
Nevv rolled her eyes, and clasped her hands together, red rays of light  
shooting out from within her palms. "Oh, please," she muttered. "No one's  
ever gonna come for me, and especially not you two. *FIREBALL*!" With a  
flourish, she opened her hands and sent a fiery swirl of flames at the two.  
  
As the crowd ducked aside--magi were never to be laughed at, but cowered  
before and feared in massive amounts--Nevv smiled widely. Another band of  
idiots taken care of, and... huh?!  
  
The two spandex-clad figures appeared from the radius of the spell, their  
bodies smoking, but otherwise unharmed. "That was not polite, Nevv," Big Ol'  
A said.  
  
"Yes. Shall we teach her some manners, Ace?" Big Ol' G said.  
  
"Let's. For we are..."  
  
Cue the strobe lights. "The Disturbingly Ambiguous Mazoku!" they both cried  
out. Not in ecstasy, mind you--they just cried out. And not in joy or any  
other such emotion, either, except one of triumph. Triumph at what they are,  
not at anything they'd acheived together--you get my point.  
  
"FLARE ARROW!" Nevv responded, and sent a lance of fire at them. She didn't  
expect it to have much effect, but a distraction was better than sitting  
around and posing like two idiots in spandex any day. Ace and Big Ol' G  
emerged once more, unscathed, and Nevv began wondering if this counted as  
trouble, in a big fashion.  
  
Big Ol' G smiled charmingly. "A mistake, dear Nevv, using black magic on  
Mazoku," he said. "Do you not remember the first lesson of magic school?"  
  
"Don't chant spells with your mouth full?" Nevv said, favoring them with a  
one-shouldered shrug and a half-assed grin.  
  
"Noooo..." Ace said. "Tell her, Gary."  
  
Gary nodded, and continued, his voice growing sibilant. "You cannot destroy  
a being of darkness with darkness, dear girl... and now, you shall   
experience our darkness--firsthand!"  
  
"You can get your hands the *hell* off me--AGH!" Her last bit was cut short  
as Gary snaked his arm out and *reached* for her in some impossibly-twisted  
fashion. Nevv stared, and finally realized that maybe--just *maybe*--they  
really were Mazoku. And if they were... why the hell were they after her?  
  
She looked around instead. "*People*! C'mon, people, we've got Mazoku here!  
Lend a fellow mage a hand, will ya?!" she pleaded.  
  
There were grunts and sounds of indifference from the crowd as they filed  
away. Obviously, their target was *her*, and if it didn't involve mass  
destruction--the Mazoku's usual soup du jour--then they could give a rat's  
patoot. Nevv made a mental note to herself to Flare Arrow everyone in town  
when she returned from wherever it was that they were taking her.  
  
Taking her? Yes, while she'd been pleading to deaf ears, one of them had  
snaked out another tendril-limb and had wrapped it around her waist. She  
was expecting the tendril to snake up any second now and feel her up--but to  
her mass surprise, the Mazoku released her as soon as she was in their   
range, almost as if they didn't want to touch her. Huh. She wasn't sure  
whether she should be relieved or insulted.  
  
"If you could, Nevv, would you kindly transport yourself? This way, things  
would be much more pleasant for everyone involved," Gary said. For a Mazoku,  
he really was pretty damn nice--better than her idiot boyfriend, who had  
taken all of three seconds to see if her top popped off when the Mazoku had  
grabbed her and had left when it didn't.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Nevv said, resigned. It wasn't as if she could  
actually hurt them, and they knew it. "Now tell me what the hell's going   
on."  
  
The two began escorting her out of the town, Scriim: one behind, and one in   
front. "You mean to say, you do not *know*, Nevv?" Ace asked in   
astonishment.  
  
Something about his surprise was patently fake, and Nevv didn't like it.  
"No," she shot back harshly. "Tell me what the hell's going on. *Now*."  
  
"Patience is a virtue, Nevv... or should I say, 'Knight of Ceipheed, Nevv  
Swanson'?" Gary replied, his tone lilting.  
  
The girl's eyes positively flew open. "*Knight* *of* *Ceipheed*--"  
  
"Yes. Is there something wrong?"  
  
Nevv collapsed to the ground in a fit of laughter. "You... y-you actually  
thought th-that *I*... was a Knight... of Ceipheed?!" she demanded,   
guffawing. "Oh, as *if*! You've got the... the wrong person, buddies!"  
  
"Wait..." Ace said, pausing in his tracks. "Perhaps she is right. A Knight  
of Ceipheed would have powers to easily destroy the Mazoku... which means  
us, Gary."  
  
"Perhaps... perhaps not. I believe her powers are merely restrained for the  
time being," Gary said, urging the other two on. "After all, Ceipheed works  
in mysterious ways. In this respect he is similar to our lord, the great--"  
  
"Shaburanigdo?" Nevv chimed in. "Yeah, that's right. I know about this  
little hierarchy bit. But you've got the wrong person. I can tell you who  
the Knight of Ceipheed is--hell, she's *famous*! The rumors are rampant!  
Even you Mazoku inbreds would've heard of them!"  
  
"Mazoku... inbreds..." Gary bristled at the comment for a second before  
composing himself. "Very well, who is this 'real' Knight of Ceipheed?"  
  
"C'mon, Mazoku... *Luna* *Inverse*. Everyone knows that." Nevv flashed them  
a confident, winning smile.  
  
The two dubious males looked at each other, then broke out into their own  
bout of laughter, albeit it was gentle and genteel. "How *droll*!" Ace said.  
"Why, Luna Inverse... Knight of Ceipheed!"  
  
"Yeah, you don't believe me? Go check it out for yourselves. You've got tons  
of powers... why don't you focus in on her magic, or her aura, or   
something? And for that matter, why don't you check me? I'm clean, as any   
nitwit can tell you."  
  
Gary's voice dropped a few octaves as he spoke in a serious tone. "Luna was  
the one who sent us," he said.  
  
"Sent... oh dear," Nevv Swanson said, finally realizing.  
  
[-----]  
  
"Grnk grnk, grnk grnk grnk. Grnk grnk *GRNK* grnk."  
  
"But I need a drink of wa-wa!" He really did look pathetic, standing there  
in his pajamas with teddy bears of all colors imprinted over them.  
  
Lina flipped over on her bed and buried her head in her pillow, doing her  
best to ignore him. A nice dinner and a sleep had almost managed to cheer  
her up again. *Almost*. The fact that she had to rip off a piece of tape  
each time she wanted to eat a mouthful of food had been somewhat annoying.  
But at least now she was content and full and in a soft bed, without any  
random purple-haired Mazoku or blind priests garbed in red trying to ruin   
her night.  
  
Instead, she had a green-haired gink asking her for a drink of water like  
she was his mom or something. Oh, for...  
  
At least he'd managed to learn how to decipher her 'grnks'. But for now...  
"Grnk, grnk. Grnk grnk grnk."  
  
"But Liiiiiinaaaaaaa..." Jeffrey began. He was cut short by the sound of  
someone yelling and screaming outside their room. "What was that?!"  
  
"Grrrrrnnnkk..." Lina muttered indifferently, stretching out on her bed and  
leaning back. "Grnk."  
  
"But Liiiiiinaaaaaaa..." he said with the exact amount of letters. "We gotta  
help them! It's our duty as defenders of peace that--"  
  
"Grnk grnk grnk, grnk grnk."  
  
Jeffrey blinked. "Who's Amelia?"  
  
"Grnk grnk. *Grnk* grnk grnk grnk grnk."  
  
"All right." He nodded, and scurried off to his room. "But you're going to  
regret this, Lina!"  
  
"Grnk." She didn't feel like going out and helping out some random   
travellers in the middle of the night just from the goodness of her heart.  
Then again, she didn't want to reveal the fact that the cursed tape on her  
mouth had gotten more difficult to rip off. In fact, it was getting   
downright agonizing to remove. And a bunch of worthless passerbys weren't  
worth the time and effort to--  
  
*clink*  
  
In a flash, Lina was up and out of her room. After all, there was no other  
thing in the world that could emulate the magnificent sound of coins   
tinkling against the ground.  
  
[-----]  
  
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com. 


	3. Chapter 3

Slayers! Yoyutchi  
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)  
  
If you haven't cried at least once to the name puns in this story, you are  
truly a stoic one.  
  
"Earth, succumb to my MAD SKILLZ! CHOUHATSU BRAND!"  
  
Episode III: Strobe Lights Aren't What They're Cracked Up To Be  
  
[-----]  
  
"AGH! Damn it, you pervs, let me *go*!" Nevv screamed, flailing out with one  
hand full of fire and brimstone and the like. It wouldn't do anything, she  
knew, but she wasn't going to sit here and *let* Ace and Gary touch--  
  
--the hem of her robe?  
  
Ace looked up and got a blast of flames in the face. Adjusting his superhero  
mask carefully, he regarded Nevv with a look of wary resignation. "I assure  
you, dear Nevv, that we have no intent of harming you. I was merely taking   
the opportunity to adjust your robes, for they seem slightly askew."  
  
"... yeah," Nevv said, kicking her foot backwards and jerking away from the  
sir in spandex. "I suppose next you'll want to adjust my underwear next,  
too, because my bra happens to be slipping off my left shoulder and I've got  
a really painful wedgie."  
  
The two of them looked amused and horrified at the same time. "Really, dear  
Nevv, please refrain from such vulgarities. Shall we continue on?" Gary  
offered.  
  
"But it's *true*, you dingbats--oh, never *mind*," she sighed, and managed  
to pop up the left strap with a semi-suggestive gesture. To her surprise,  
neither one of them affected to notice. Again. She wasn't getting annoyed  
now so much as she was formulating a small plan of action...  
  
They continued on their path: a small, gravelly dirt road that was leading  
to some place which Nevv wasn't familiar with. She hadn't gone out of Scriim  
much in her life, all nineteen years of it; only once or twice when she had  
to run an errand or five for her parents. She had always taken the road to  
the left, and this time, she was going down on the right side. It wasn't as  
if she was afraid or anything: if it was one thing Nevv was, it was brazenly  
courageous in the face of looming danger. If it was another thing, it was to  
ruminate on how brazenly courageous she was while a green-haired man in   
front of her was waving a sword at the Mazoku escorting her.  
  
"Halt!" the green-haired man yelled. He was dressed in this curious white  
armor that glinted heroically even in the dull moonlight. "Release this fair  
maiden from your clutches, tight-clothed ones!"  
  
"Oh, dear..." Gary said, gathering darkish energy in one manicured hand. "I  
do believe this may be a spot of trouble."  
  
"Yes," Ace agreed, letting darkness crackle into his own hand. "But let us  
make that double. For we are..."  
  
The night was split in two as strobe lights cut across the inky-black sky.  
The duo's pants would have also split in two had they not been made out of  
*very* elastic spandex as they struck a pose of much flexibility. "The   
Disturbingly Ambiguous MazokAAAAAAGHHH!!!"  
  
Jeffrey had darted forward with blinding speed, and slashed his Sword of  
Coolness ($29.95, Heroes 'R' Us) across Ace's beautiful face. Long, limp  
strands of hair flew. The White Knight of Flaming Justice reeled backwards,   
as if he was flailing to keep up with his own body, and smirked. "So... you   
believe that a set of mere strobe lights can stop the might of *Jeffrey-  
kun*?!" he demanded.  
  
"No..." Gary muttered darkly, firing off a blast of energy at him. "But  
perhaps the power of the Mazoku can--what?"  
  
Jeffrey simply wasn't there the next moment, and Gary blinked in confusion  
before a stream of cold steel slashed his back open. Curiously enough, the  
spandex outfit didn't come apart at all.  
  
Gary staggered forward, and managed to turn around in time to receive   
another slash, this one directed at his throat. The Mazoku reeled back,  
gurgling, and collapsed to the ground, his head tumbling after him. Jeffrey  
grinned, then turned on Ace, promptly getting a face full of sticky white  
fluid.  
  
"Behold," Ace said, smiling deviously, one hand dripping the remnants of the  
fluid he'd used to blind Jeffrey. "Such is the power of... The Disturbingly  
Ambiguous MaAAAAAHHHH!!"  
  
A Fireball was the last thing he'd expected. Wiping the fluid off his face,  
Jeffrey turned to see who it was...  
  
"That's what you *get* for wrecking my sleep," Lina growled. "Now hand over  
grnk grnk grnk--grnk..." She peeled off yet another piece of tape over her  
mouth, this one considerably more painful. "OWWW--hand over the treasure,  
let the girl free, blah blah grnk."  
  
"That is not an option," Gary's head said, as his body seemed to flow along  
the ground and slowly meld to it. The Mazoku stood up, and dusted his none-  
the-worse-for-the-wear-miracle-outfit off. "Nevv Swanson is ours, Miss  
Inverse. Accept this truth and let us proceed on our separate paths."  
  
"Oh yeah?" Jeffrey shot back. "Well--well--I'm going to rescue her! Hyaaaa!"  
  
"Grnk," Lina moaned, slapping her forehead in despair. She chose to look at  
the girl--who was running like all hell away from the scene. "GRNK! Grnk  
grnk!"  
  
The girl--Nevv, or something--glanced back at Lina, waved and smiled, and  
continued on her merry path.  
  
*Riiiiiiip*. "OWWWWWWwwwwwraywing!!" Lina called out, and rocketed into the  
air in pursuit. She could see Nevv below her, running--she was pretty fast,  
but no match for a Raywing. Until, that is, she cast her own Raywing and  
flew up into the sky.  
  
/Who the hell was this one?/ Nevv mused to herself, twisting around a tree  
and looping below a branch in hopes of evading her pursuer. /Probably some  
random nut out trying to make a name for herself--either that, or she's with  
those two Mazoku./  
  
Either way, she was gaining on her. Nevv wasn't weak by any stretch of the  
imagination, but this girl's obviously had more experience flying than she  
did, and in a few seconds, she would be directly behind her.  
  
Nevv decided to loop downwards and back towards the scene of the fight,  
farce, whatever it was. She and the green-haired gink seemed to be in   
cahoots, and since there was a good chance the gink was getting the crap  
beaten out of him, she would be forced to give up the chase and help her  
friend.  
  
The gink *was* getting the crap beaten out of him--if dodging black magic of  
many assorted flavors counted as getting the crap beaten out of someone. She  
blinked. /How the *hell* did anyone manage to dodge black magic like that?/  
she wondered, before looking back, expecting to see the red-haired mage   
touch down and help her nimble-footed friend.  
  
She hadn't, and it looked as if she wasn't. In fact, Nevv could see her...  
laughing her head off--which was odd, since she had a large piece of tape  
stuck over her mouth.  
  
Deciding that this was getting nowhere, Nevv touched down herself a ways off  
from the battle and drew her weapon from her robes: a short, thin-bladed  
sword with a secondary blade protruding at an angle from the long handle.  
"All right, you," Nevv announced. "I don't know who the hell you are or what  
you want from me or those Mazoku, but you're going to explain yourself.   
*Now*."  
  
"Grnk grnk--" the redhead began, then ripped off the piece of tape from her  
mouth with a shout. "AGH!!! I'm Lina Inverse, blah blah titles yadda de dah.  
Fork over your money and I'll go back to sleep and we can each be happy--  
grnk."  
  
Nevv looked at Lina incredulously. "As *if*," she said. "You expect me to  
take a redheaded little kid with breasts smaller than mine seriously?  
Especially when you've got that weird piece of tape over your mouth?"  
  
Lina growled, and her hands flared with red energy. "GRRNK GRRNK!!!" she  
yelled, and Nevv was struck with a large wave of absolutely nothing.  
  
"Looks like you've got a mute spell," Nevv said easily, smiling at her. "I  
can take care of that for you, provided you don't blow me up with a Dragon  
Slave or something."  
  
"Grnk?" Lina looked at her hopefully, and let the red energy die down from  
her hands. "Grnk grnk grnk... *grnk* grnk."  
  
Nevv nodded. "Sure, I believe you. At any rate, you'd better give your   
friend a hand." She gestured to the fight, where Jeffrey was cutting down   
Ace in the crotch after having dodged a blast of magic that ripped out a   
good chunk of ground next to them.  
  
"Grnk?" Lina looked over at Jeffrey, and shrugged. "Grnk."  
  
"... he's not your friend, then."  
  
"Grnk," she replied, turning around to look at the battle as well. It really  
was an impressive sight, seeing the former champion of the World Wuss Title  
take on two Mazoku singlehandedly. Of course, he was getting absolutely  
nowhere in actually damaging either one of them, but the thought was what   
counted.  
  
"Here," Nevv said, flicking a gold coin at Lina. "That's for bailing me out.  
Thanks, lady."  
  
The muted mage grabbed the coin from the air, and looked at it--yep, it was  
real. And maybe there was more from where this came from. With a mighty  
effort, she peeled off the tape from her mouth, stifling a yell of pain.  
"Where ya from?" she said.  
  
"Me? That town there," Nevv answered, pointing at Scriim. "I'm Nevv Swanson.  
Up-and-coming mage of Scriim. And you are...?"  
  
"I *told* you, I'm the lovely sorceress Lina Inverse!" Lina nearly-bellowed   
out. Another piece of tape fluttered to the ground, accompanied by a shriek.   
"Dragon slayer, bandit hunter, and heretic genius!"  
  
"... you're still going off about that?" Nevv mused. "Fine. Then you can  
tell me what the hell these Mazoku wanted with me."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
Nevv crossed her arms over her ample (but not absurdly-so) chest. "They said  
they were under the orders of Luna Inverse. Your sister, right?"  
  
"L-l-l-l-lu-grnk?!" Lina eeped, stumbling back into the hole in the ground.  
"Grnk grnk *grnk*?!"  
  
Nevv looked around. Jeffrey was still battling the Disturbingly Ambiguous  
Mazoku with an unearthly amount of vigor; more precisely, his armor was,  
since Jeffrey was stone-cold unconscious. Here was a chance.  
  
"Look. Lina, right? Let's get the hell out of here and talk. And before we  
do, let's get that curse off of you, since it's pissing both of us off.  
Sounds good?"  
  
"Grnk," Lina mumbled, nodding. "Grnk grnk *grnk*." She pointed at Jeffrey.  
  
"Sure thing. Hold on," Nevv said, drawing both hands back and beginning a  
chant.  
  
"Light of ages, energy from that which breathes power,  
Reveal to me, your true nature!  
From forth the tides of time and now across the span of space...  
I summon thee, Ilyuum... I beckon thee, Ilyuum...  
Let the blow fly from my hands, and strike true in the hearts of all!  
VEARIAN WRATH!"  
  
Energy, which had been gathering in the skies above her, suddenly flared to  
life in a blinding flash of white. The two Mazoku and their combatant looked   
up in surprise--and were greeted with a bolt of jagged power lancing down  
from a gigantic vortex in the sky.  
  
"Oh dear," Gary said.  
  
Jeffrey--or actually, his suit of armor--was quick enough to narrowly dodge  
aside and towards safety. As for Ace and Gary... both were struck head-on  
with a blast of white power that slammed into the ground with enough force  
to carve out a sizable hemisphere in the dirt. The explosion was brief, and  
surprisingly clean. A speck of dirt spun into the air, and came to rest as  
the light of impact faded away.  
  
"Grnk grnk *grnk*?!" Lina exclaimed, looking at Nevv, who was staggering on  
her feet. "Grnk."  
  
"Vearian... Wrath..." Nevv smirked, managing to stay upright. "Heh, I knew I   
could do it."  
  
"Grnk grnk grnk," Lina advised, ripping the tape off her mouth again. "OW--  
Raywing." With that, Lina picked up the comatose Jeffrey and lifted him up  
into the air, Nevv trailing close behind.  
  
A few minutes later, two dark but colorful forms of blobby energy began  
reforming themselves in the giant hemisphere in the ground.  
  
[-----]  
  
Kiseki awoke in darkness. It wasn't anything new--being a student of Saikyou  
had long taught her to become accustomed to one's own state of   
unconsciousness. *This* darkness, however, was different. It was thick... it  
was pervading... it was...  
  
... wearing spandex tights.  
  
She screamed in panic and attempted to twist her forearm up in an Oyaji  
Flare, failing miserably when she discovered that she was bound in sturdy  
but crude ropes at the wrists and ankles, with a rag tied around her mouth.   
Kinky... *wait* a minute!!  
  
After thoroughly beating up her author for continually writing her as a  
sex-deprived maniac--  
  
--and after discovering that the BACKSPACE button didn't seem to work for   
her, Kiseki took a look around and up. The form of a spandex-clad Mazoku was  
standing in front of her; whether it was Ace or Gary, it was impossible to  
tell. They pretty much acted the same, anyways, and spent all their time  
with each other, apparently, so Kiseki could care less.  
  
She elicited a small groan to try and get their attention. The blob of  
darkness in front of her didn't budge.  
  
"Mmmph! MMMMPH!" Kiseki yelled. Still, the blob remained motionless.  
  
Kiseki managed to shift her feet out and deliver a solid but weak kick to  
the Mazoku's backside. That finally generated some effect, as the colorful  
form of Ace stood up and faced Kiseki. It was then that she noticed that  
Ace's face--or what was left of it--was a mass of disfigured tissue and  
energy, a horrid sight that belied his usual appearance.  
  
She would've screamed, but the rag was in place.  
  
"I apologize, my dear Kiseki, for being of such an unmannerly appearance,"  
Ace said, his curiously-sweet voice floating from the mass of flesh that was  
currently his visage. "Would you like me to free you?"  
  
Kiseki nodded quickly, and the Mazoku shambled over behind her and cut the  
ropes free with a flick of his finger. The girl immediately made her way to  
her feet, and glanced warily around.  
  
"You are in our abode, dear Kiseki," Ace said, hobbling away from her. "I  
suggest you get some rest. Gary and I have been... quite exhausted tonight."  
  
Her eyes flew wide. "You--you mean you two--" she stammered.  
  
"Yes," Ace said, nodding gravely. "We were..."  
  
"In the throes of passion?" Kiseki finished.  
  
It was Ace's turn do the eye-widening thing. "*No*!" he retorted. "Dear  
Kiseki, how could you even *think* such a thing? We are not... not..."  
  
"Uh huh," Kiseki nodded, and began powering up a spell. "Look, I got a lot  
of things to do, so can you just let me out of here? Please?"  
  
"I am afraid we cannot," Ace said, stumbling over to a couch lined with the  
fur of many an unfortunate spotted leopard. "We have our reasons to keep you  
here."  
  
"And... what are those?" Just give it a few more seconds...  
  
Ace looked ponderously back up at her, and waved a hand--a claw, rather--  
lazily. "It is quite a complex story involving the balance of the world, an  
ancient Flare Dragon, and pride," he said vaguely. "I am sure you would not  
want to hear it."  
  
"Probably not," Kiseki agreed. "I mean, all I want to do is to spread the  
glory of Hibiki-sensei (may he live forever) throughout the world. That  
doesn't mean I have to know every little detail about the world, right?"  
  
"Ah, but this is part of the problem," the Mazoku said. "We are going to  
help you."  
  
"Y-you... *are*?!" she exclaimed, feeling herself blush. This was going to  
be cool! And here she thought Luna had tossed her into some sort of death-  
trap, when she was merely redirecting her to the right people!  
  
Ace nodded sagely, ignoring the drip of black fluid that was part of his  
face fall onto his leg. "But first, please allow us to recuperate. I am  
afraid that we are in no condition to help anyone but ourselves at this  
moment."  
  
"Sure--of course!" Kiseki said, and began grinning. Soon; very soon, she  
will be heralded as the one who spread Saikyou throughout the world! The  
sheer excitement of the situation was tangible. It was almost unreal in its   
proportions. Lil' ol' Kiseki had never had much of a chance to accomplish   
anything, and now was her first and most magnificent opportunity. She didn't   
even have to talk to Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo or Flare Dragon Ceipheed, either!  
  
Sitting in anticipation, she allowed herself to calm down slightly, managing  
to only squeal in delight one or two times. Meanwhile, Ace sat there in  
silence, his face an odd mixture of drippiness and coagulation.  
  
"Are you done yet?" Kiseki said after a moment.  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh... all right."  
  
Another pause.  
  
"Are you done yet?"  
  
"No."  
  
"But it's been..." She checked the clock over the large fireplace. "... two  
minutes."  
  
"I await the return of my companion from his errands," Ace said, his tone  
bordering from the edge of apologetic to insulted.  
  
"Where is he, anyways?" Kiseki muttered.  
  
[-----]  
  
Gary wasn't terribly far, as a matter of fact. His errands--the one of most  
pressing urgency, anyways--consisted of finding out more about Lina, Nevv,  
and Jeffrey. After the little debacle outside Scriim, he had found them  
sitting around a small fire, with a makeshift tent behind them. Silently, he  
lowered himself behind a bush and began to watch.  
  
The redheaded one had stopped bothering with trying to deal with whatever  
half-assed curse had been placed on her and was now employing a pencil and a  
pad of paper to get her message across. There was a veritable mountain of  
crumpled-up wads aside her, from the sheer number of times she had used one  
slip of paper for one very large letter in rather-short words; words that  
were usually of the four-letter variety.  
  
There were two others with her: a blond-haired one and a green-haired one,  
the one who had singlehandedly managed to fend off both of their magnificent  
attacks. The green-haired one interested them. Not only was he powerful...  
but he was the only male of the group, and the females were simply so...  
so... *common*. The redhead looked like your run-of-the-mill mage, and she  
barely had a bosom to speak of. The blond was more ample, but she had a  
certain air about her that simply spoke one word:  
  
"Frigid," Nevv muttered, glancing momentarily over at Jeffrey. "That's what  
he called me. The nerve!"  
  
Lina nodded distractedly, and proceeded to write a message on the slip of  
paper, handing it to Nevv after she finished.  
  
"'Get this damn curse off of me!'?" Nevv read. "Oh, yes... hold on."  
  
She gathered whitish energy in her hand, and arched one finger at Lina.  
"Flow Break!"  
  
Predictably enough, a small pentagram of power appeared beneath Lina and  
shone its light upwards, centering at her mouth. There was a brief flash,  
and Nevv smiled. "There. All better."  
  
Lina began furiously scribbling one-page-high letters again and proceeded to  
fling them at her.  
  
"'Y-O-U I-D-I-O-T D-O-N-T Y-O-U T-H-I-N-K I-V-E T-R-I-E-D T-H-A-T A-L-R-E-A-  
D-Y exclamation, exclamation, exclamation, question mark, question mark,  
exclamation..." Nevv read off. "Well, *sorry*, but I didn't think you were  
really a mage, what with you wandering around with a piece of tape--whoa!"  
  
Lina drew her fist back and made a mental note to swing higher next time.  
She wrote another note and tossed it at Nevv.  
  
-Listen, Nevv, or whoever, I'm really Lina Inverse, and I got this curse put  
on me by some weird girl named Kiseki. I'm going after her to get this thing  
lifted, and if you're not going to help me, then just get the hell out. I've  
had a really bad week so far, and I don't need a smug little mage like you  
in my life. I've had enough of that to last me---  
  
"How *did* you write all that so fast?" Nevv wondered, looking at the slip  
of paper in awe. "All right... I believe you--you're shaking your head no,  
but I really *do* believe you--c'mon, Lina, trust me here! All right, look.  
Even if you are Lina Inverse--which you are, I have no doubt of that!--it  
won't do you a whit of good if you're completely incapacitated by that one  
spell from some practitioner of a form of magic none of us have never heard  
of. And from the looks of your friend Jeffrey, I think you need someone a  
bit more... uh, competent on your side. Not that I'm bragging or anything,  
but I believe I can be of some use to you--yes, I promise, I'll tell you all  
about the Vearian Wrath and other nifty Ilyuum-related matters once we get  
this curse off--so if I may, could I accompany you on your journey?"  
  
/It's not as if I had anything else to do,/ Nevv thought acerbically to  
herself. /This way, I can actually do some research on my own about this one  
who calls herself Lina Inverse.../  
  
Lina nodded, and flashed Nevv a brilliant look of shining, glittering eyes.  
It was probably the mention of the Vearian Wrath--something that she'd been  
bugging Nevv about ever since a few hours ago when she'd cast it. So far  
she'd been very careful to avoid the topic, but there really wasn't any  
reason to--even if she *was* the legendary Lina Inverse, the one responsible  
for the downfall of Shaburanigdo himself and the destruction of countless  
cities and dragons alike, she would never be able to use the powers of the  
Ilyuum. The irony of it was more than a bit amusing.  
  
"Then it's set!" Nevv said, smiling brightly. "We'll set off in the morning,  
and--uh, say, *do* you know where this Kiseki girl is?"  
  
The redhead shook her head in frustration. To think that twenty-six hours  
ago, she'd been actively avoiding the Saikyou girl, and now she was tearing  
her hair off (in a purely figurative sense, of course) trying to find out  
where the hell she was.  
  
Ah, hell. For Lina, it would only be a matter of time before she *did* find  
out--and when she did, there will be hell to pay, and my *God*, the tab was  
huge.  
  
Having used up her completely lame and trite expression for the night, Lina  
fell asleep. Next to her, Nevv silently pondered her situation for a few  
minutes before dropping off as well. And off in the distance, the form of  
a spandex-clad Mazoku silently stalked away to report to his compadre.  
  
[-----]  
  
/Hiya. You rang?/  
  
/Yes, my Knight... I did. I wish to speak with you./  
  
/G'wan, dude./  
  
/I have discovered him./  
  
/Yeah? Coo'. Anythin' else?/  
  
/Yes. He is here./  
  
/*Really*... lay it on./  
  
A new voice came in the midst of the rolling mists--not so much a voice, but  
a presence, a state of mind and an identity. It was not something Luna was  
acquainted with, and it made her uncomfortable. She didn't like being  
uncomfortable. It was a familiar-enough feeling, but the ways of Order   
didn't care for wildcards, for variables--which was completely hypocritical,  
since her current plans involved nothing *but* variables. Still, there was  
an element of order above all of them, a feeling that, despite all the  
scurrying-about, things would fall into place of their own accord.  
  
This new voice sounded gentle, but imposing; the slice of a heated knife  
which strikes the flesh as cold before its searing heat sets in.  
  
/Greetings, Luna Inverse./  
  
/Hey there. You with Ceiphey?/  
  
/Yes... I am. I have been sent here to vouch for my intentions, and to  
inform you of our change in plans./  
  
/Change... hm./ Luna's mental presence paused for a second, and the other  
two--Ceipheed and his friend--could almost *see*, with an eye that beheld  
the thoughts of a person rather than their appearance, the stream of   
consciousness that Luna was experiencing. It was mostly as glib as she was,  
full of random mentions of foodstuffs and tips she'd received, but a few  
words were easily filtered out.  
  
Plans. Change. Consider. Approach. Lina. Mazoku. Xellos. Ah.  
  
/Do tell,/ she finally said after a grand pause of a millisecond or so.  
  
Ceipheed's friend began to.  
  
[-----]  
  
The next morning, everyone in question was feeling remarkably better, with  
the sole exception of Jeffrey-kun, who was still out like a light. In light  
of that, Lina took the opportunity to strip the armor from his body and   
stash it into her own little inventory of supplies. The suit had been hard  
to remove, but a bit of elbow grease from Nevv and a Flow Break here and   
there had helped greatly.  
  
Lina found herself in a strange sort of bind concerning the billowy-clothed  
mage next to her--she was currently toiling away at packing the makeshift  
tent into a small bundle. For one, she had no idea what she really wanted.   
It was obvious that it was for reasons other than her pat excuse of wanting  
to help her out just in order to find out if Lina was really who she claimed  
to be, but Lina had no idea exactly *what* else lay beyond that. And adding  
to the whole mystery of the situation was the strange spell she'd called  
upon to defeat the Mazoku last night--Vearian Wrath, or something. It   
sounded much like a Giga Slave in its recitation, but the effects were  
completely different; and Lina wanted to find out what type of magic it was.  
Having deduced in the span of one and a half seconds that Saikyouism was  
utterly useless, she was now focused on finding out who this 'Ilyuum' was.  
  
/Ilyuum,/ she thought. /Probably some demon lord somewhere that I hadn't  
taken care of yet. Ah, well, no harm in learning his magic before I blast  
his butt off with a Dragon Slave or three./  
  
"Lina? We ready to go yet?" Nevv called out, stowing the last of the tent in  
her backpack that had mysteriously appeared from somewhere.  
  
"Grnk," Lina acquiesced, nodding. She jabbed her head towards the snoozing  
Jeffrey's direction. "Grnk grnk grnk?"  
  
"We probably should," Nevv said. "I mean... he could always make good cannon  
fodder, right?"  
  
Lina nodded, and managed to convey the distinct impression of a wide grin  
from beneath the forearm-decorated piece of pink tape on her mouth. "Grnk!"  
  
"All right!" Nevv gushed out, pumping both arms in victory. The two things  
bounced slightly. "Let's goooo!"  
  
Ripping off the piece of tape without so much as a squeak, Lina Raywinged   
herself up, and was quickly followed by Nevv, who was carrying Jeffrey this  
time. The two magi and one gink flew serenely through the sky, and faded   
off into the distance, leaving a plume of magical energy as they passed.  
  
[-----]  
  
Thirty minutes later, Nevv turned to Lina.  
  
"Say, Lina, where are we going?" she said.  
  
"... grnk?" Lina responded. "Grnk grnk grnk grnk..."  
  
"No... you said you had no idea where Kiseki was, so... uh..."  
  
Lina's eyebrow began twitching.  
  
"All right, hold up," Nevv muttered, setting herself on the ground in the  
midst of--  
  
--a completely unremarkable field of grass and daisies. What, you were  
expecting some sort of battle?  
  
By this time, Jeffrey had been wakened by the constant stream of cold air  
against his body. He had found out, firsthand, the unpleasant sensation of  
wearing a frazzled white suit that had the tendency to ride up one's rear  
end about five hundred feet or so up in the sky. Then again, Nevv did find  
it much easier to hold onto him like that.  
  
"Where are we?!" he cried out. "And what happened to my armor? I can't be  
the White Knight of Flaming Justice without it... aaaaaagghhhh!!"  
  
The other two paid no attention to him, and began to argue over little,  
unimportant details, such as where they were, and what they were going to  
do, and the meaning of life... etc. etc. And as they did so, a shadowed  
figure made itself visible from behind a convenient tree.  
  
"Look, if you really want to get this curse lifted, maybe we should ask  
around a local village. Maybe they've seen Kiseki around," Nevv offered.  
  
Lina looked around. There wasn't a village in sight. They seemed to have  
landed in the midst of a large forest clearing, or something... Jeffrey  
began occupying himself by going weewee in the treetrees, much to Nevv's  
disgust.  
  
"Grnk, grnk the village, eh?" Lina said.  
  
"Well, I'm sure we can find one--eh? You talked." Nevv looked at Lina  
curiously, then at the ground to see if she'd actually managed to peel off  
the tape without a loud scream as background music.  
  
"Yeah... yeah, I did," Lina marvelled, and gently pressed her hand against  
her mouth in mild disbelief. Sure enough, no horrifyingly-sticky piece of  
tape rematerialized. There *was* a short poof of pinkish energy, and a small  
slip of paper fluttered to the grass.  
  
Blinking, she bent down and picked it up.  
  
It said: "Congratulations for being the recipient of a Saikyou Style Curse!  
Your warranty period of [ twenty four (24) hours ] has expired. Please  
renew your curse with the mage who cast this spell, identity tag [ Kiseki  
Umi Rendahl ] . Thank you, and may you have a chou yoyutchi for many minutes  
to come! =D"  
  
"There's even a little pink smiley," Lina muttered. "Oi, this sucks...  
anyways, let's be heading off."  
  
The shadowy figure chose that time to leap into the open. The shadowy figure  
instead leapt straight into Jeffrey, who was still going on a small patch of  
saffron next to the tree he had been hiding behind. The shadowy figure and  
Jeffrey went down in a tangled heap of limbs and robes and a yellow spray.  
The shadowy figure cursed, looked up, and saw two female sorcer--sorceror--  
sorceress--sorceress--*two* *female* *magi* standing over him. One of them  
had a billowy robe that lended a nice view of her two smooth legs and...  
  
"Bastard!" *wham*  
  
... okay, four smooth legs and a few fluffy clouds and birds chirping... he  
fell unconscious.  
  
[-----]  
  
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com 


	4. Chapter 4

Slayers! Yoyutchi  
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)  
  
Sore wa himitsu desu. I love those four words, don't you?  
  
"Rolling thunder, crashing ocean... I'm not calling on your piddly-ass   
powers! MOCKERY! Be with me... OYAJI FLARE!!!"  
  
Episode IV: Battle of the Weenies  
  
[-----]  
  
The shadowy figure was currently a victim of a repetitive set of active-tone  
sentences. The shadowy figure beat the crap out of his writer and began to  
regain consciousness after Nevv had beaten the crap out of him.  
  
"All right, buddy, let's hear the story," Lina demanded, smiling easily. The  
guy didn't look too threatening, but then again, neither had Xelloss, and  
look what he had done. No harm in being too careful.  
  
"He made me get pee all over my shining white armor!" Jeffrey whined,   
quickly zipping his pants back up and wiping off the spots with a rag from  
his pocket. "I really hope it doesn't rust or anything, 'cause then mommy's  
going to get really mad..."  
  
The shadowy figure who wasn't in the shadows anymore carefully extricated  
himself from the mess that was Jeffrey and his armor and dusted himself off  
slowly, making sure to comb his long blue hair carefully. After fifteen  
seconds or so of combing, he noticed that neither the blond one with the  
round bosom or the redhead with... absolutely nothing were paying any  
particular attention, so he decided to go ahead with his normal routine.  
  
"*ahem*... well, greetings, fair magi of the female intent. As you can see,  
I had been hiding behind the trees in ambush, but when I chose to strike, I  
had the misfortune of not seeing the green-haired one in front of me trying  
to relieve himself. So... I rammed directly into him and--"  
  
"Yes, we know this," Nevv interrupted. "Why were you going to ambush us? And  
for that matter, how could you *not* have seen Jeffrey in front of you?"  
  
The man looked off to the side slightly. "Erm... that is a secret?"  
  
Lina's eyebrow twitched. "*What* was that?"  
  
"Uh... yeah! 'That is a secret!'" the man said triumphantly, plastering a  
smug grin across his face.  
  
"... yeah," Lina muttered. "C'mon, Nevv, let's get out of her and find a  
nearby town or something."  
  
"Hey now, wait a second!" the man protested, flailing his arms about in a  
way that made his robes and his hair fly about in a most attractive manner--  
it almost seemed as if sparkling light was cascading down with each   
movement. "You can't just ignore me like that! I'm a student of the   
trickster priest himself, Xelloss!"  
  
*kaboom*  
  
"WWAAAaaaggghhh..." the man said as he went in a textbook-perfect parabola   
over the edge of the forest and towards somewhere else.  
  
Lina dusted her hands off. "Whatever," she said. "As long as they're not in  
my face, I'm fine with little Xelloss wanna-be's."  
  
"Who's this Xelloss?" Nevv asked her, following along as they walked into   
the forest, Jeffrey straggling behind.  
  
"Long, long story," Lina groaned. "I... *really* don't wanna get into it.  
And speaking stories, aren't you gonna tell me more about the Ilyuum?"  
  
Nevv looked at her, and smiled awkwardly. "Sure, I guess... but first, I  
think we should find a place to stay for the night and get some lunch... you  
know, food?"  
  
"Yeah!" Lina agreed, nodding quickly. She quickly sobered up. "Hmm... and I  
never found out what Luna would want with you..."  
  
"Ah, that's fine," Nevv said offhandedly. "As long as those two Mazoku don't  
come back or something..."  
  
A spark of dark energy appeared in front of them.  
  
"AGGGHH!! My armor!" Jeffrey screamed, clawing for Lina's backpack. The  
sorceress took one step forward and he stumbled forward to the ground on his  
face.  
  
"You just *had* to go and curse it, didn't you, Nevv?!" Lina fumed.  
  
"Sorry, sorry! I'll just Vearian Wrath those two again, all right?"  
  
As they spoke, the energy began to take shape... into that of a blue-haired,  
blue-eyed mage with a chestpiece that veered off to the left...  
  
"... whoohoo! Kiseki!" Nevv cheered. "You're only three hours or so too   
late!"  
  
Kiseki didn't reply, and turned towards her and Lina, raising one hand that  
flared with dark power. Wait... dark power?  
  
"All right, buddy, *now* you're gonna get it! FIIIIIREBAAALL!!" Lina   
shouted, sending a blast of fire at the Saikyou mage.  
  
Without so much as a word, Kiseki raised one arm and flexed it at the elbow.  
The Fireball seemed to glance off a pinkish field of energy... then sent  
itself straight back at Lina.  
  
"ACK!" she yelped, and managed to dodge aside. "What the hell?!"  
  
"You two would prevent the spread of Saikyouism," Kiseki muttered, her voice  
cold and drained. "For this, I will have to destroy you in the name of  
Hibiki-sensei (may he live forever)."  
  
"Not if I can help it!" Jeffrey yelled, leaping up, now garbed once more in  
his Armor o' Doom (TM). "For I am the White Knight of Flaming Justice, Jeffrey-kun!"  
  
Kiseki sent a blast of black and pink energy at him. Nevv had a moment to  
marvel at the sheer ugliness of the spell--what righteous mage used *such* a  
horrid color combination?!--before the expected happened: Jeffrey moved   
aside easily, and brought his sword out to slash at Kiseki. The girl moved  
away from the blow, and brought one hand out to point at Jeffrey's forehead,  
sending a small piece of pretty-looking paper touching on his armor.  
  
Jeffrey looked down at the paper in amusement, then back up at Kiseki. "Mere  
scraps of paper shall not stop the White Knight of Flaming Justice!" he  
declared, and lifted his sword back up. Tried to, at any rate, since the  
sword was now a full eighty pounds or so instead of its former   
weightlessness, and Jeffrey collapsed to the ground, struggling to lift the  
heavy blade.  
  
Smirking slightly, Kiseki flexed her forearm once more. "Chouhatsu Brand."  
  
With that, a column of pink energy laced with black flared up from beneath  
Jeffrey, sending him spinning into the air. He landed hard in front of Lina  
and Nevv, who were currently playing cards beneath the shade of a tall oak  
tree.  
  
The shadows were momentarily disturbed as a glimmer of light shone above.  
  
"Oh, bugger," Lina said. "Looks like I'll have to take care of this. Oh, and  
gin, by the way."  
  
"Damn it..." Nevv muttered, turning to watch Lina do her stuff.  
  
Kiseki turned to her, and smiled in an eerily-vapid fashion. "Lina  
Inverse... the one who destroyed my hometown... you're going to pay the  
piper."  
  
"Wha? I don't owe the piper, whoever the hell that is... look, enough of  
this. I still owe you for that damn curse you slapped on me, and--"  
  
She was cut off in midsentence as a large, screeching form dropped straight  
down from the branches; a large, screeching form wearing an apron, a black  
mask over her face, and holding a mutant frying pan in both hands. With a  
cry that *had* to have come from the damned (or the local sound effects  
studio, whichever was easier), she swung the pan at Kiseki's face.  
  
Kiseki barely dodged the blow, the pan grazing her face, and struck back  
with another flare of pink energy laced with black. The masked figure was  
struck by the blast, but she seemed hardly fazed as she barrelled at Kiseki,  
one meaty hand reaching for her face.  
  
"Parcheesi!" Nevv declared. "Hah!"  
  
Lina grumbled.  
  
"NOOObody hurts my *precious* Jeffrey!" the masked figure rumbled ominously,   
standing up to her full height of... well, next to Kiseki she was about ten   
feet taller than her, give or take a mile. "Now you will PAAAAY!"  
  
"MOM!" Jeffrey protested, getting up from the sizable dent he'd left in the   
ground. "I can fight for myself now, geez--OW! Wow, this sword's a lot   
heavier..."  
  
Jeffrey's mom looked over at him, then turned back to Kiseki, who was   
smirking lightly.  
  
"*You* destroyed his armor... how *dare* you take away my little boy's only  
chance at greatness?!" the irate mother rumbled. "You will die now!"  
  
"No. Not before I spread the might of--"  
  
A shadowy figure leapt between the trees, silently drawing a bead on both  
Kiseki and mother from hell. The shadowy figure paused, biding its time. The  
shadowy figure was struck in the face with a playing card as Lina flipped  
the card table over, pissed.  
  
"*How* did you have those two aces?!" she demanded.  
  
"Luck," Nevv said easily. "Another game?"  
  
Grumbling yet again, Lina dug out a pouch of coins and tossed it onto the  
ground, kicking the card table aside. The shadowy figure yelped in pain as  
the table struck him in the crotch.  
  
In the mean time, Jeffrey's mother had swung a mace the size of something  
incredibly huge and large at Kiseki. The mage evaded the blow once more,  
then flung both hands out and sent another Chouhatsu Brand out... beneath  
herself. Jeffrey and his masked maternal unit blinked as Kiseki flew upwards  
in at beautiful angle, to disappear from sight.  
  
"Mom..." Jeffrey groaned.  
  
"Wha? Who?" his mother said, feigning ignorance and doing a completely  
inadequate job of it. "Oh, look at the time, gotta go! Ta ta!" With that,  
she leapt into the trees and was simply gone.  
  
Jeffrey managed to place his head in his hands for a few seconds before he  
was interrupted from his reverie by the high-pitched voice of someone.  
Someone shadowy.  
  
"Halt, White Knight of Flaming Justice!" he squeaked. "In the name of the  
trickster priest Xelloss, I order you to cease and desist!"  
  
The White Knight of Flaming Justice was currently sniffling and trying to  
hold back a deluge of tears that threatened to create an entirely-new system  
of waterways in the forest. "I... *sniff*... l-lost my arm-armor..." he  
sobbed. "WAAAAHHHHH!!!!"  
  
Blinking, the shadowy figure recoiled in surprise. For once, he was the  
victim.  
  
Of an oddly-structured sentence. And a fragment. And two. And three. Ad  
infinitum.  
  
"Wh-what's wrong?" he said, extending one shadowy hand out.  
  
"You can't beat a king with a three," Lina pointed out. "*That's* what's  
wrong."  
  
"Really, now?" Nevv smiled. "Then how about this ace?"  
  
"I'm in big trouble," Jeffrey whimpered, taking the shadow's proffered hand  
shakily. "My mom's gonna pitch a *fit* when she finds out that I messed up  
the suit of armor she got me... and now I can't even be a superhero!"  
  
"One's equipment does not make one's position," the shadowy figure   
proclaimed, easing Jeffrey to his feet. "Relax, green-haired youth... you  
are in good hands now."  
  
"You call that a good hand?!" Lina smirked. "Read 'em and weep, Nevvie:  
*full* *house*!"  
  
"... urk," was Nevv's witty response.  
  
"Who are you?" Jeffrey said, his voice now full of awe, mystery, and other  
such things. "Are you... Xelloss himself?"  
  
"No, my son... otherwise I would not have ordered you to cease and desist in  
his name. Instead, I would have tossed a banana peel underfoot and watch you  
throw your back out as you try to lift your sword." The man took a brief  
moment to brush his long blue hair out of his eyes. "My name is..."  
  
"... MUD!" Nevv shouted triumphantly. "You are *dead*, Lina Inverse! GO  
FISH!"  
  
"MONO VOLT!"  
  
Nevv coughed. "That wasn't nice," she muttered, brushing back a strand of  
blond hair that was waving like an antenna in the breeze.  
  
"Neither was taking my jack of hearts," Lina replied, smiling coolly.  
  
"... my name is..." the blue-haired man repeated, trailing off once more in  
thought.  
  
"Hmm?" Jeffrey mused. "What's wrong?"  
  
"My name is..." he said once more. "My name is..."  
  
"You don't know?" Jeffrey blinked. "That's weird... do you have amnesia or  
something?"  
  
"... mmm." The blue-haired man rubbed his chin. "Mmm... hmmm.... mmm hmmm."  
  
"You do!" Jeffrey cried triumphantly. "But... I know. Since you're going  
'hmm' and 'mmm' all the time... we can call you..."  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Emmanem."  
  
"Hmmm!!!" Emmanem said, brightening up. "What an ingenious idea!"  
  
"Yeah!" Jeffrey chimed in. "And now... eh? Lina? Nevv?"   
  
"DRAGON SLAAAAAAAwhat *now*?" "VEARIAN WRAAAAAaaaah?" Energy fizzled and  
popped in the air, and dissipated entirely. The ace of clubs flitted to the  
ground, one of its edges slightly singed.  
  
"Uh... I think we should go find that town now... hey, meet Emmanem, he's a  
student of Xelloss with a case of amnesia!"  
  
Lina blinked. "Xelloss? *Really* now..."  
  
"And who's Xelloss?" Nevv asked, kicking the remnants of the card table  
aside with one foot. "Is he some sort of mad wizard bent on world domination  
or something?"  
  
"You can say that," Lina answered, looking over at Emmanem (who wasn't so  
shadowy anymore, being out in sunlight and all). "But he's a bit scrawny to  
be megalomaniacal."  
  
"I take offense to that," Emmanem sulked.  
  
"Aw, c'mon, Lina, be nice... how about we head over to town and grab some  
lunch? Sounds good?"  
  
Jeffrey found himself talking to a space of air that formerly was occupied  
by Lina Inverse.  
  
"I think that's a 'yes'," Nevv said blandly, and hoisted her belt up, to the  
amazement of the other two. "Quit gawking. Let's get a move on, people."  
  
[-----]  
  
"You *failed*?!"  
  
Kiseki bowed her head as she gently sank to one knee, her eyes beginning to  
well up with tears. "Forgive me, Master Gary... I have left your desires  
incomplete."  
  
"You have, Kiseki Umi Rendahl... and for this, we must--"  
  
"Hold, Ace."  
  
"I am."  
  
"Not there."  
  
Ace released Gary, then turned on the mewling Kiseki. "She has failed, Gary.  
We cannot trust her to be of further use to us. The..."  
  
Even the Mazoku are prone to bursts of lights and puffs of smoke. This was  
one of those moments. "Disturbingly Ambiguous Mazoku!" the two chimed in  
a simultaneous choir of all things nice-smelling.  
  
"... do not allow many subservients," Ace continued.  
  
"Those that are accepted are honored followers and devoted worshippers of  
the Mazoku, and our glorious teamwork," Gary agreed. "Explain your failure,  
Kiseki Rendahl."  
  
"It... it was some mysterious woman!" Kiseki wailed. "She was fat... with a  
huge bosom... and a mask over her face, and a frying pan over her heaving  
chest! I don't know how she..."  
  
Ace glanced over at Gary. "An interloper," he murmured. "This could mean  
trouble, Gary."  
  
"We shall deal with it in our own way, Ace."  
  
"... could walk with breasts that big!" Kiseki continued on, oblivious. "She  
came in, and just--just *ruined* everything! I... I was trying to look cool,  
and she just *ruined* it! My outfit... my hair... and the windblower I'd set  
up in advance to ruffle my cape... everything...!"  
  
Gary placed a soothing, polished hand on Kiseki's shoulder, calming her with  
what amounted to as the Mazoku version of Prozac: a jolt of electricity. The  
girl reeled back, blinking a few times.  
  
"I... I'm sorry," she said, crying freely now--a detail that won't be  
detailed because it makes her all-the-more incoherent. "Look... give me  
another chance. I *swear* upon the name of Hibiki-sensei (may he live   
forever) that I *will* enlighten the magi who walk in the darkness... Lina  
Inverse, Nevv Swanson, and that blue-haired hunk--"  
  
"... blue-haired hunk?" Ace said, perking up in more ways than one. Gary  
nudged him hard and nudged his hard.  
  
"I didn't get his name," Kiseki said. "But I will... before I *enlighten*  
him."  
  
The two Mazoku smiled simultaneously; a devious, cultured smile. "Excellent,  
Kiseki," Gary said. "Then be off. But remember this: we will allow you no  
more chances."  
  
"Your next attempt shall succeed, or you will not survive," Ace added. "You  
will do good to remember this."  
  
"I will remember," Kiseki said firmly, her tears running down her cheeks.  
She felt so *worthless*, so inadequate... and not because she was in the  
presence of Ace and Gary, too. Ever since that day she'd agreed to let them  
help her, she had been under the adamant belief that, with her newly-added  
Mazoku powers, she would be able to enlighten those untrained in the ways of  
Saikyouism. Instead, she had faced another defeat. The experience had not  
been humiliating nor humbling--being a mage of Saikyouism excluded being  
able to feel shame--but it was frustrating. And frustration was something  
she had not wanted to deal with.  
  
No matter. *This* time she will succeed.  
  
Standing up, Kiseki bowed her head clumsily once more to the two smiling  
Mazoku (they were smiling at each other now, which was more than a bit  
unsettling), then made her way out of their lavish home. Once she was sure  
that they were out of eyesight, she tossed the onion she'd been hiding under  
her robe aside.  
  
That trick got them every time.  
  
[-----]  
  
"Amnesia, hm?" Nevv said, cutting her roast-beef flank into bite-sized   
chunks with her knife. "I suppose it'd be too much to ask you where you got  
it from."  
  
"Um... yes," Emmanem said, his glass of water firmly poised between his   
clasped hands. Sip. "All I know is that I am Xelloss' protege, and that I am  
to aid him in his goals, whatever they may be."  
  
They had actually managed to get a good look at him once he had stopped  
skulking in the shadows. Emmanem wore blue all over his body: his hair,  
his long-sleeve jacket, the shirt he wore underneath, his trousers, his   
shoes... the only thing that *wasn't* blue were his eyes, which were an   
incongrous hazel.  
  
Lina had taken a full two seconds to appreciate his handsomeness before  
sinking back into her meal. "That's pretty vague," she said around a chicken   
leg in her mouth. "So, you're gonna follow Xelloss'--and he's pretty damn   
shifty--orders, even though you don't know what they are?"  
  
Emmanem nodded, his blue hair waving about his face. Another glimmer of   
light flashed across his profile, although it could have just been the kid  
on the other side of the room messing around with his LCD crystal. "I   
suppose you can say this," he agreed slowly. "But I do know his goals."  
  
"Wow, cool!" Jeffrey barged in. His plate was still heaped with food; the  
guy hadn't touched a bite since he'd set foot in the restaurant. He was  
excited to talk to Emmanem; for whatever reasons, it wasn't quite clear yet.  
"So, what are they?"  
  
The man smiled, and wagged his finger. "That... is a secret."  
  
Pause.  
  
"Did I say it right?" Emmanem asked quickly.  
  
Lina chose to ignore him completely, turning to Jeffrey instead. "Jeffrey,  
you shouldn't ask such things," she chided. "The *last* thing I want right  
now is to have to deal with that purple-haired priest."  
  
"Oh yeah, Lina... you never told me what happened to your friends. Where's  
Naga?"  
  
The redhead managed not to spit bits of filet au sole all over the table.  
"Naga... guh," she muttered. "We, uh... had our differences and went our  
separate ways."  
  
"So you sent her packing through the roof again?" Jeffrey said, sounding as  
if that was something done daily and twice on Sundays--which, in the case of  
Lina Inverse, was probably true.  
  
"Yep!" she said brightly, tearing into a basket of french fries--ew, stray  
piece of twitching, uncooked snail--with reckless abandon. "She could really  
fly for a white serpent."  
  
"Did you have any other companions?" Nevv asked, before popping a nicely-cut  
piece of flank into her mouth. "Surely you would. I mean, being Lina Inverse  
and all..."  
  
"Yep. Lessee... Gourry Gabriev, this blond swordsman who had a legendary  
sword that I'm *still* *trying* *to* *get*--ahem, he's back in Testabourne  
with his family..."  
  
"Swordsman?" Jeffrey looked up, then back down. "Yeah, probably better than  
me, huh..."  
  
Emmanem patted him comfortingly on the shoulder. "There there, young   
Jeffrey. Kiseki's heinous deed will be avenged, and avenged soon," he said.  
  
"There's Naga... she and a Dill Brand eloped somewhere... and Zelgadis   
Greywords, this rocky chimera guy who's got absolutely no sense of humor--"  
Lina took a long moment to gorge herself on the buttered rolls. "*Damn*,  
these are good! --Zel, and... hm... oh yeah, Amelia Sailoon: she's this  
really hyper Princess who's always going off about justice and falling on  
her face, etc. etc."  
  
"... justice?" Nevv hesitated, then rolled another piece of beef flank in  
Ehwon sauce. "I see... who else? Sounds like a party."  
  
"Oh, you have no idea," Lina said, munching on a corn-on-the-cob. "We got  
Filia ul Copt--she's this really nice dragon lady, and she's probably off  
doing other dragonly stuff now--MMM, damn, I *love* this--Martina, who's  
a really irritating little--"  
  
"I get the idea," Nevv said, waving her fork around like a flag of peace.  
Brown sauce flicked about in tiny droplets. "Basically, they're not here,  
right?"  
  
"Nope. Ditched them to get some time off... Gourry an' I will probably get  
back together and--WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE!"  
  
Nevv put one napkin-holding hand over her mouth to cover her grin. "You made  
it sound as if you're his girlfriend," she pointed out.  
  
"I am *not* his girlfriend!" she bellowed, tossing the now-kernelless cob at  
Nevv. The blond weaved aside. "We're just treasure-hunter partners and  
stuff. And I want that sword of his!"  
  
"... I'm sure you do," Nevv hazarded, and broke into a gallop straight out  
of the restaurant.  
  
Lina growled and decided to toast her later. For now, she turned to Jeffrey  
and Emmanem, who were chatting away--more accurately, Jeffrey was doing the  
chatting and Emmanem was nodding in time with his words.   
  
"And so, that's how I met Lina," Jeffrey said, wrapping up what was   
essentially his life story in five hundred words or less. "And now here we  
are! We just met you today, and I bet you'll be a lot of help when we go  
against the evil of evils, the Saikyou Master Kiseki Rendahl!"  
  
"Saikyou Master--" Lina blanched, and turned away to take a quick sip of  
water before dumping the rest of the contents over Jeffrey's green hair.  
  
"HEY!" Jeffrey dripped. "What was that for?!"  
  
"What the hell are you going off and calling Kiseki a 'Saikyou Master'   
for?!" Lina demanded. "She's just some poser who uses weird magic and flexes  
her forearm a lot!"  
  
"But she *did* curse you, Lina," Jeffrey pointed out.  
  
"And we did not fare well at all against her powers in the earlier brawl,"  
Emmanem added.  
  
"Gnnnn... yeah," she finally admitted. "But I've got an idea. Look:   
originally I was--"  
  
"*We* were!" Jeffrey corrected.  
  
"--*I* was going to go look for this new form of magic, Saikyouism," Lina  
continued. "After finding out just how powerful it was, I decided that it  
wasn't worth it and went to go treasure-hunting. And then I run into Nevv--"  
  
"You ran into *me* first, Lina!" Jeffrey interrupted again.  
  
"--after I ran into Nevv I find out she's using this weird power that comes  
from something called 'Ilyuum'," she said. "Got no idea what this is, but it  
sounds and looks damned cool. I'm gonna check it out." She got up, and   
dabbed her mouth with a napkin. "See ya!"  
  
"... hey, wait!" Jeffrey protested. "What about us?"  
  
"Lina Inverse, I cannot allow you to elude me once more!" Emmanem said,  
standing up as well. "And the very least you can do is to foot the bill for  
this extravagant meal!"  
  
Oblivious to the protests, Lina darted by the bouncers and the maitre'd and  
out the door, glancing around for Nevv. "Yo, Nevv! Gotta talk to ya for a  
bit, and--uh... h-h-hi, sis..."  
  
Luna Inverse grinned. "Hiya. C'mere." With that, she flicked one finger--her  
index one--out, and Lina collapsed to the ground, unconscious. The finger  
curled back, and both sisters winked out in a flash of azure.  
  
A hand floated out from thin air and made a single, complex wave, revealing   
the form of Nevv Swanson. She blinked at the space where both Inverses had  
just been a few seconds ago.  
  
"She's good," Nevv marvelled, and walked back into the restaurant. Jeffrey  
and Emmanem were currently arguing with someone who appeared to be the head  
cook or something--dangit, they *shouldn't* have to wash dishes just because  
they were short a few hundred gold pieces. She quietly made her way up   
behind the two men--*ahem*, 'men'--and smiled at them easily.  
  
"Just let us get Lina back!" Jeffrey was yelping. "She'll pay for all this!  
I promise!"  
  
"Sure, sure, buddy," the cook said, slapping a meaty paw in his shoulder and  
dragging him towards the kitchen. "You know how to use a scrubbing sponge,  
right?"  
  
Emmanem, who had been standing there in silence, suddenly spoke. "If it  
would please you, sir cook, I have the amount of money in my possession," he  
said quickly.  
  
"You do." He turned around. "Why th' hell didn't cha tell me earlier?"  
  
"I was... merely biding my time, sir cook," Emmanem said rather-defensively.  
"And now... the sum of money."  
  
Nevv blinked, and huddled close as Jeffrey drew her and Emmanem in a small  
ring. "Where's the money, Emmanem?" Jeffrey said.  
  
"I... uh, do not have such extravagant fees," he replied slowly.  
  
"So... why did you said you did?"  
  
"He wanted to stall for time while I did this," Nevv said, and opened her  
hand, engulfing the room in an intense white light. Glasses shattered and  
trays went flying as the waiters and waitresses were blinded. Patrons began  
yelling in confusion. There was a moo.  
  
Emmanem glanced around; Nevv had aimed whatever spell she'd cast the other  
way, so they had been spared from most of the light. He could see the cook,  
the bouncer, and the maitre'd rubbing their eyes in pain, and Jeffrey trying  
to hightail it out of there. He paused once more--the active-tone sentences  
were coming back--then was dragged out of the restaurant by Nevv.  
  
Outside, they ran for a good while before coming to a rest. Jeffrey was out  
of breath and wheezing, sounding like a dead caribou in heat. Emmanem was  
remarkably unaffected--skulking in shadows took a lot of exercise. And as  
for Nevv... she had been Raywinging her merry way along, and now touched  
down next to them.  
  
"Nevv Swanson... thank you," Emmanem said graciously.  
  
"Think nothing of it. Although we just committed a crime, I'm sure we can  
get away with it given enough running," she said, winking. "At any rate...  
where's Lina?"  
  
"*wheeze*... *cough*... *pant*..." Jeffrey said.  
  
"She left us when confronted with the tab," Emmanem said in mild contempt.  
"I was under the impression you knew of her whereabouts."  
  
"Nope," Nevv shrugged. "I'm a mage, not a Knight of Ceipheed or something.  
So this means we're stuck without a leader, right?"  
  
Jeffrey managed a nod, then pointed weakly at her. "*coughcough*... *pant*,"  
he nominated.  
  
"Yes, this would be a wise decision," Emmanem agreed. "I suggest you act as  
leader for the time being, Nevv Swanson."  
  
"Me? Leader?" Nevv laughed. "As *if*! I didn't come here to help you two,  
you know. My mission was to help Lina find Kiseki... and now that she's   
gone, I have to go find *her*. New mission, people, and that means new  
people to work with. Sorry, Jeffrey, but you do *not* fit the bill--look at  
you, you're drooling all over the grass--and as for you, Emmanem..."  
  
Emmanem folded his arms over his chest. "I believe myself to be of a   
competent nature, Nevv Swanson, despite our initial meeting in the forest  
glade. And as a student of Xelloss--"  
  
"I have no proof of that, you know," Nevv said sardonically.  
  
"I really am, dangit!" Emmanem protested angrily. "Look, even though I'm  
just an amnesiac, I *know* this one thing to be true, all right? So why  
don't you trust me, and we can go find Lina together?"  
  
She considered that. The guy had demonstrated nothing but his mad pervert  
skills so far, but... there was *something* about him that he hadn't   
revealed yet. Something that was really, really powerful... and borderline-  
dangerous in its intent. She'd have to divine that out from him one of these  
days.  
  
"All right, fine," she finally relented. "But first, I think we'd better  
take poor Jeffrey home... the guy's worn out."  
  
Jeffrey managed a weak, raspy protest.  
  
"See? So... first things first. Return Jeffrey, then find where Lina is,   
then we can go bash Kiseki's face in like the good little vengeance-riddled  
magi we are. Sound good?"  
  
"An excellent plan," Emmanem said, returning to his more-refined tone. "May  
I suggest we commence immediately?"  
  
"B-but... I don't *wanna* go home!" Jeffrey whined. "I gotta help you guys!  
Mommy's gonna pitch a fit if I don't do good in the world!"  
  
"Relax, Jeffrey... and trust me: you'd do the world a lot of good by staying  
away from the action," Nevv said, lifting him up gently with a gust of   
magic. "Now there's a good boy."  
  
Despite his continued protests, Jeffrey was carted up and dragged along as  
the two proceeded to travel along the path until nightfall. His protests  
lasted well into the night, until Nevv clocked him with a right cross.  
  
[-----]  
  
Lina wasn't pissed this time... she was downright confused. Of all the  
places to meet sis again... what the hell did she want this time?! It wasn't  
as if she'd actually *intended* to go through with her plans of selling nude  
photos of her...  
  
... okay, she *had* intended to do that, but damn it, she'd gone straight!  
She wasn't leading a life of crime anymore--okay, she *was*, but only   
against other criminals! Surely two negatives cancelled into a positive!  
Wasn't that how it worked in arithimetic?!  
  
And then *she* showed up.  
  
Lina really had no idea where the hell they were--hell, maybe--but it was  
dark. And swirly. And foggy. And ugly. Many one-lettered words and   
disjointed--  
  
"Hey," Luna said, tilting her chin upwards to look her lil' sis over.  
  
[-----]  
  
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com 


	5. Chapter 5

Slayers! Yoyutchi  
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)  
  
I'm *really* sorry for that Eminem joke. I really, really am.   
  
"I summon thee--PHIL! Not that of Philbriezo, Master of Hell, but PHIL!  
Lord of Heck, Prince of Insufficient Light!"  
  
Episode V: Parallel Trouble--Adventure Dual!  
  
[-----]  
  
Lil' sis gulped, and tried to look back at ol' sis' gaze. She failed   
miserably, and dropped her focus lower. Finding another source of inadequacy  
there, Lina kept going, until she eventually began to wonder why the hell  
she hadn't physically matured into a woman yet, unlike her sis, who could be  
the covergirl for Playmage.  
  
"Do me a fave?" ol' sis said, combing her bangs back. Lina could see her  
eyes, and was suddenly more scared than she'd ever been in her life: more  
than when she'd had to face hordes upon hordes of demons alone, more than  
that battle against Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo, more than anything.  
  
They were a flaring, opaque blue.  
  
"S-sure," Lina mumbled uncertainly. Ohpleasedon'tletitbesomethingbad...  
  
"Know this girl?" Luna said, flicking her finger out in an underwhelming  
show of power.   
  
An image floated in the sea of rolling fog: a blue-haired girl with piercing  
blue eyes, a chestpiece that veered off to the left, and a long, ornate cape  
that was designed solely to flap in the wind.  
  
"Kiseki?" Lina murmured. "Yeah, I know her... why?"  
  
Luna smirked and let her hair fall back to its normal place, although the  
azure glow easily penetrated through the red strands. "Here's the fave I  
want. Find her. Help her."  
  
Lina was struck speechless. *Whaaaaaat* did she just say?  
  
"Ya heard me."  
  
*blinkblink* Okay, and she could read minds now... where the hell did sis  
learn this stuff?!  
  
"Can't read minds. Saw it in yer face." Luna unfolded her arms and folded  
them again, this time placing her left arm on top.  
  
"... right," Lina said trepidantly.  
  
"Help her. G'wan, do it."  
  
"*Why*?! Not like I'm questioning you, or anything--of course not!--but   
she's just some deluded girl who thinks she's all strong..."  
  
"Like you?" Luna shot back easily.  
  
"... that hurt." Lina pressed her face in both hands, sighing. "All right.  
Lemme guess... Ceipheed's orders, right?"  
  
"Ayup."  
  
With that, Lina suddenly *snapped* back from wherever she'd gone to and in  
front of the restaurant. And everything--the silence, the rolling fog, the  
piercing, azure glow, the form of her older sister--was simply gone... as if  
it had never happened.  
  
She blinked, and looked around. Wait a minute, this *wasn't* the restaurant  
she'd been so rudely snatched away from. This was... in the middle of some  
place she'd never been to.  
  
People were beginning to stare.  
  
"This *sucks*," Lina declared aloud, and got up to her feet, looking around.  
She tried to think back to the few minutes before the rather-suave meeting  
she'd had with big sis. Okay... she'd ditched Jeffrey and the blue-haired  
dude, Emmanem or something, and then she ran out and looked around for   
Nevv...  
  
Wait. She remembered seeing her.  
  
Nevv had been standing there for the *briefest* moment before she'd waved  
her hand and simply disappeared--and as soon as she did, Luna had dropped by  
in her inimitable fashion and badabing, badaboom, instant Complex Quest in  
a Box (TM). The fact that Luna had either not noticed Nevv (which was highly  
unlikely--she noticed *everything*, although she usually gave a rat's patoot  
about anything that wasn't Ceipheed-related) or had ignored her struck a bad  
note with her.  
  
There was something about Mary... er, Nevv... that was distinctly odd. Lina  
had no idea what it was or on what basis--aside from the one she'd just  
thought up--she drew that conclusion on, but the nagging feeling simply  
*stuck* with her and wouldn't come undone. It was making her distinctly  
uncomfortable and even a bit nauseous. It was a not-so-fresh feeling.  
  
Shrugging it off and making a mental note to buy some more pads later on,  
Lina took a *good* look around her for the first time.  
  
She was in the middle of a small town of sorts; apparently, Luna had chosen  
to send her back in front of a restaurant. Taking a moment--a brief moment--  
to appreciate her sister's uniquely-blithe sense of humor, she looked up at  
the sign hanging over the lip of the roof on the building: "The 7th Realm".  
  
Her stomach didn't growl. It took Lina more than a moment to realize that  
she'd just had lunch a few minutes ago; the meeting had left her more  
disoriented than she would've liked to admit. Deciding that she didn't need  
food for now, she began to meander about the town, examining its features  
and people in an offhanded but attentive fashion.  
  
The villagers were typical, run-of-the-mill type of people you see in other  
places with palette-swapped clothes. Aside from the fact that all of them  
had nothing to say to Lina, she didn't find anything too odd about it.   
Walking further, she saw what appeared to be a large well in the middle of  
the ground, tiled with black slabs of marble and inlaid with gold.  
  
Lina smirked. /Maybe this little venture isn't going to leave me *totally*   
high and dry,/ she thought. /Now, how to get this into my knapsack...?/  
  
She decided to leave the elegant well for a bit until she had a way of  
removing it that didn't involving also blowing it to smithereens. Lina   
turned around again, scanning the area for anything important.  
  
There was a distant explosion and a slightly-singing wind as something very  
powerful was cast off in the distance. Was that important enough?  
  
Answering the obvious, Lina turned to one of the villagers who happened to   
be walking past: an elderly, gray-haired lady. "Hey, what's in that forest   
over there?" she asked her.  
  
"Eh..." was all the lady said before continuing on her daily hobble around  
town square.  
  
"Excuse me!" Lina yelled after her. "I'm talking to you! ... geez, old   
people are sure rude. Hey, you over there, what's going on?"  
  
A brown-haired youth regarded Lina with a look of pride. "Our hero is   
fighting against the evil dragon of Darkwood Forest!" he declared, and   
turned away from her, continuing on his path.  
  
"Darkwood Forest? Dragon? Hero?" Lina mused. "You guys are getting *really*  
uncreative here... *anyways*, where there's dragons, there's piles of gold,  
so... time for lil' Lina to get to work and Slave--*slay*, hee--the dragon!"  
  
She took a moment to turn back to the youth, who had traversed a remarkable  
distance of five feet in the meantime. "Who's this hero, anyways?" she said.  
"Maybe I can teach the old fart a thing or two."  
  
"Our hero is fighting against the evil dragon of Darkwood Forest!" the  
youth repeated, turning to Lina to deliver his line and turning away again  
once he was done.  
  
"Oh... kay..." Lina mumbled, and turned in the direction of Darkwood Forest.  
  
[-----]  
  
"Wakey wakey," a lilting female voice called out.  
  
"Huh?! Wha... no, dangit, I woke up again..." Jeffrey mourned, groping the  
thin air around him in hopes that the jubblies *were* real. They weren't,  
and his hands fell flat on his lap. "Awww, this sucks... mommy, I don't  
wanna go to school today..."  
  
Nevv struck him across the face with a left hook.  
  
"OWWWW!!" the gink yelped out, rubbing his cheek. "What'd you do that for,  
Nevv?!"  
  
"I never did like whiners," she said, rubbing her knuckles. She never did  
like fistfighting either, because she sucked at it... still, there were  
certain things that couldn't be done any other way.  
  
"You'd better watch out," he warned. "Mommy doesn't like it when people try  
to hurt me... she usually ends up bashing their heads in with a frying pan  
or something."  
  
Nevv nodded distractedly, looking over at where Emmanem had slept for the  
night. The blue-haired man was lying there, curled up in a comfortable   
little ball. "I saw that," she said to Jeffrey, and made her way over to   
him, half-expecting him to be sucking his thumb.  
  
The shadowy-figure-who-had-acquired-a-new-title wasn't doing anything except  
breathing slowly. Nevv decided to let him wake up by himself--after all, if  
he *really* wanted to come along, he wouldn't let himself oversleep,   
right?--and turned back to Jeffrey.  
  
"You think you can walk?" she said, her voice a touch concerned. "You looked  
pretty bad last night..."  
  
"That's because you hit me," he whimpered.  
  
Nevv sighed. "Right, right... besides that. You're not going to pass out on  
us when we start walking, right? Actually, you two will do most of the  
walking, since I'll be flying my way along and scouting out what's ahead of  
us."  
  
"Of course I'll be fine!" Jeffrey proclaimed, leaping up to his feet. "I am  
the White Knight of Flaming Justice!"  
  
"*Former* White Knight," Emmanem pointed out, stirring from his cozy fetal  
position on the grass. "I believe your power and skill was derived from the  
armor that Kiseki Rendahl seemed to have disenchanted."  
  
Something seemed to deflate within him, and Jeffrey nodded dejectedly, his  
shoulders slumped.  
  
Nevv glanced over at Emmanem, who was impassive, and back over at the  
crestfallen White Knight. "There, there, Jeffrey," she comforted. "Even if  
you're no longer the White Knight of Flaming Justice, remember that the  
strength within you is what makes you a true hero at heart. If a certain  
blue-haired man was less of a complete *jerk*, he would agree with me...  
right?"  
  
Emmanem glared at her. "Is this a *threat*, Nevv Swanson?" he said in a  
low tone.  
  
"Hardly," Nevv replied airily. "I would never threaten a poor, defenseless  
little creature."  
  
"You... how *dare* you--"  
  
"Ease off, Emmanem... we can argue when we're walking (and flying, in my  
case). For now, let's try to get a move on, mmmkay?"  
  
Jeffrey seemed to perk up slightly. "Yeah... yeah, Nevv, you're right!" he  
said, his old lopsided smile returning. "It wasn't the armor that made me  
strong... it was *me*! I'm going to go out there and be a *real* hero, just  
like mommy wanted me to be!"  
  
"I must admire your spirit," Emmanem muttered, gathering his belongings up.  
"Despite Nevv Swanson's words, I still find your lack of power disturbing."  
  
"Who needs power?" Jeffrey grinned, flashing him a peace sign. "I've got  
*faith*! In myself!"  
  
"You've also got your suit of armor and sword to carry along," Nevv pointed  
out. "So c'mon, stop the pepping and start the toting!"  
  
"Right on!" Jeffrey agreed enthusiastically, throwing his entire weight   
into lifting his equipment.  
  
A few hours later, they stopped for a short rest. Nevv, who was grumbling  
because she had to carry one end of the makeshift stretcher they'd tossed  
together for Jeffrey, simply dropped her end and stalked off silently. A  
yell of pain came from the rather-interestingly positioned form of Jeffrey.  
Emmanem carefully lowered his end, and glanced around to see where their  
group leader had gone off to.  
  
"Stay here," he advised Jeffrey. "I shall be back forthwith."  
  
"*I*... *can't*... *MOVE*!" Jeffrey pointed out, but the blue-haired man was  
already a good ways off, running after Nevv.  
  
He found her tossing rocks into a nearby stream, her silence a wall of   
anger. She said nothing as he approached, and nothing as he took a spot next  
to her, standing stoically.  
  
After a few minutes, with only the splashes of water to accentuate the  
occasional break in silence, Nevv spoke first. "You should probably be   
eating something. You look malnourished."  
  
Emmanem blinked. "'Malnourished'? I am perfectly capable of handling my own  
health, Nevv Swanson--" he retorted.  
  
"What I *mean*, Emmy, is that you should probably be checking up on Jeffrey,  
since he managed to throw his back out earlier today. That boy never ceases  
to amaze me."  
  
"'Emmy'... what sort of name is *that*?" Emmy said in half-wonderment and  
half-indignance.  
  
Nevv sighed, and flung another pebble into the stream, watching as the rock  
sank beneath the surface of the water, the ripples making their way towards  
the banks. "If you managed to get past analyzing every damn thing I said and  
actually *listened* for a while, maybe we can talk to each other," she  
muttered.  
  
He looked at her in mild bewilderment. "What is your problem, Nevv Swanson?  
I merely wished to behold the stream in all its... liquid... glory, and you  
are berating me for not being able to communicate with you?"  
  
"Yes," she said matter-of-factly. "I don't think you came here to watch the  
stream, because even you have better things to do than that. You came here  
to check on me, didn't you?"  
  
"I most certainly did *not*."  
  
"So you could really give a rip about your group leader? That's some  
gratitude... I *knew* I should have gone alone."  
  
"... that's not fair!" Emmanem protested. "Look, Nevv, I *do* care about you  
enough to check up on you, but you have no reason to think that I'm hitting  
on you!"  
  
"I see, I see," Nevv said, tapping her chin in thought. "So... what you're  
saying is that you're playing hard to get?"  
  
"No..." Emmanem groaned quietly. /She could be *so* dense,/ he thought in  
frustration. "Look, just leave me alone, all right? You piss me off... and I  
don't like getting pissed off."  
  
"You're the one who came here in the first place," Nevv smiled.  
  
"You asked me to come along."  
  
"But you stalked us."  
  
"... touche, Nevv Swanson," he said, returning her smile (although he was  
obviously gritting his teeth). "I do believe you are right. On this note, I  
will bid you adieu for now. Please inform me when we are ready to depart."  
  
"'Adieu'... oh, for... can't you people speak *English*?!" she demanded, as  
a snickering Emmanem made his way back to a pained Jeffrey.  
  
Deep down, Nevv Swanson hadn't really bothered with the entire conversation.  
It was important, of course... but not right now. She still needed to talk  
to Luna... and she'd blown her chance when she had cloaked herself with the  
Ilyuum back at the restaurant.  
  
/She'd *known*, too,/ Nevv thought. /Luna was no idiot--she saw right   
through that cloak. But she didn't do anything about it.../  
  
Right now, though, there was nothing for her to do except act on her   
instincts and hoped that Ilyuum would lead her to Lina. It had before, as  
much as she wanted to deny it, and it probably would again. And there wasn't  
anything else she could do right now, without her. Or the Kiseki girl, who  
had been rather-interesting.  
  
She sighed again and tossed another rock into the stream. She was about to  
head back when a slight gust of wind pricked up from behind her. Nevv froze  
in place, and gently spoke to the wind, not moving her head a single inch.  
  
"Not now," she said.  
  
The gust of wind swirled around her, then kicked up a minor dust storm and  
went spinning off into the distance. Relieved, Nevv glanced around to make  
sure neither Jeffrey nor Emmanem had noticed--although the latter was  
definitely the one she was watching out for. He was different...  
  
"Is your majesty quite done with her active sport of pebble-tossing?" Emm  
asked somewhat sardonically when she finally drew into sight.  
  
"Yes. Yes, I am," she said, actively paying attention to him now unlike a  
few minutes ago. "Let's go."  
  
[-----]  
  
Darkness veiled the land... the time of reckoning was at hand  
Two forces: evil and good, beyond the thoughts of those who would  
Seek the light and shatter the dream, and all within which people have seen  
A dragon, mystical and true, shining a deadly, titanic blue  
Rose up from the ashes of the past, to become the first and last  
In what was a battle of epic might, sealing all that was--  
  
"What the hell is this all supposed to mean?" Lina muttered, glaring at the  
sign outside of Darkwood Forest. "'Rose up from the ashes of the past?' This  
sounds like something out of Mother Duck's Big Book of Nursery Myths." She  
glanced at the sign--the bottom portion, anyways, where there was a little   
flowing caption announcing the name of the forest: "The Evil Lair of   
the Evilly Evil Black Dragon of Evil, the Evil Darkwood Forest of Evil."  
  
Shaking her head, she looked around.  
  
Darkwood Forest (she had no intention of ever mentally referring to it as   
the 'blah-de-blah blah Evil Evil Evil smorgsaborg') itself was an amalgam of   
trees and leaves and branches, creating an overhang so dense that the entire   
place was almost as dark as dusk (not night--it wasn't *that* dark, thanks   
to nifty Mode 7 transparencies). Lina could see scattered treestumps that   
probably served no purpose aside from being a wood-filled soapbox for   
vociferous mushrooms... clumps of brush thick enough that they were   
virtually impassable walls... and a scattering of red treasure chests that   
were simply laying on the ground for no good reason.  
  
She didn't have any problems with random treasure just *waiting* to be   
found, so she chose to ignore whatever warnings the sign had been trying to  
convey and walked into the forest, looking at the clumps of thick brush  
around her in amusement. /It's almost as if someone had *created* them,/ she  
thought. /Who could've d--/  
  
Lina didn't have time to finish her thought; from the expanses of thin air  
came a group of ugly trolls, each carrying a wickedly-curved scimitar that  
was probably bought en masse in a villain-weapons blowout sale.  
  
/Trolls? *Here*?/ she wondered, charging up a Fireball between her hands.  
/Weird. Ah, hell, they all blow up the same.../  
  
"FIREBALL!" she pronounced, sending the usual blah blah blah go boom kapow.  
Instead of the usual smattering of charred troll and vegetation she'd come  
to expect, Lina was greeted with the sight of what appeared to be ethereal  
numbers floating above each of the troll's head.  
  
Numbers that went along the lines of 8314, 9989, 7810, and so forth.  
  
Lina blinked, and was on the verge of approaching the odd sight when the  
numbers simply faded into thin air. Moments later, the trolls did as well,  
dissipating into a hazy purple mist.  
  
She shrugged if off. Numbers and purple mist aside, nothing had really been  
out of the ordinary. Now, it was time to see what those treasure chests had  
inside...  
  
Opening one up easily (it wasn't even *locked*, for some reason), she peeked  
inside greedily... and was met with the sight of a marvelous, shining bottle  
of blue liquid topped with a cork. The flask wasn't even *full*.  
  
"What the hell is this?" she complained. "Where's the gold? The jewels?"  
  
Tossing the potion aside on the grass, Lina made her way across the   
makeshift maze of hedge and brush. It never occurred to her that maybe--just  
*maybe*--she could Dragon Slave the rampant vegetation and simply pick the  
treasure out of the ashes (if they were hardy enough to survive the blast,  
that is). It never came to her that a simple Fireball would have burned down  
over half the forest. Instead, Lina made her way back and forth, trundling  
across bridges that spanned over yawning, treacherous dips in the ground,   
gathering up treasure from the (unlocked) chests, and fighting the requisite  
trolls, of which there seemed to be an endless supply of--all carrying the  
same wickedly-curved scimitar.  
  
After a long while, Lina finally found herself back at the entrance of   
the... Forest. Another explosion cued up the moment she stepped on a certain  
position on the ground; this one was slightly smaller, but powerful   
nonetheless. Lina abruptly remembered what she came here to do, and headed  
off towards the direction of the noise, her footfalls accentuated by the  
crunching of leaves and the faint, spongey sounds of her boots treading  
across the moist soil.  
  
She approached what looked like a gigantic skeleton of a dragon's head, and  
looked around briefly. *Someone* had to have arranged this whole thing  
beforehand; one does not find spare, unlocked chests laying around in a  
forest, and one certainly does not find the entrance to a dragon's lair--or,  
rather, an entrance that was decorated with what looked like a very well-  
crafted dragon skull.  
  
/What the hell,/ she thought, and barged right on in.  
  
The cave was dark, except for a few torches along the sides of the walls   
that *only* provided illumination in a six-inch radius around the flames.  
Lina quickly cast a Light spell, and let the illumination spread throughout  
the cavern.  
  
It was empty.  
  
Kicking a small rock and the anticlimax aside, Lina looked around the cave  
for a full two seconds before another explosion--this one was distinctly  
closer--rocked the nearby area. She quickly scrambled outside, extinguishing  
the spell as she did so, and looked around. And up.  
  
A tremendous dragon, completely black save for the red underside of its   
wings, was roaring its head off as another explosion--a flaring hemisphere  
of amber energy on the side of its leg--tore into his flesh. Lina looked  
around to see who was casting the spells, and saw...  
  
It was a knight in shining armor.  
  
Shining *white* armor, to be precise. Spiky, blue hair that waved oh-so-cool  
in the gentle breeze; a large, blue-tinted blade in one hand; a gauntlet  
running along the length of his other hand, the one that was currently  
flinging some sort of half-assed spell onto the dragon; and to top it all  
off, the hero carried absolutely no sheath or supply sack of any kind.  
  
He pointed again, and another flaring explosion rocked the dragon. Only then  
did Lina finally notice the ethereal "145" appear over the giant beast  
momentarily before vanishing.  
  
"Hey, man, you need any help?" she blurted out before she could wonder why  
she'd offered to help in the first place. Since when had she gone around  
offering to help people?!  
  
"That would be quite a nice thing, miss!" the hero replied, before the  
dragon sent its tail smashing straight into him in a blow that should've  
sent him capping across the skies. Instead, the hero was struck once across  
the chest, sending him stumbling back momentarily before he resumed his cool  
pose. A small "56" appeared over his head and vanished.  
  
Managing to regain part of her sanity and more than a part of her sense of  
capitalism, Lina simply sat back and crossed her arms, watching the battle  
take place. The hero sent another hemisphere of amber-colored energy at the  
dragon ("132"), and turned towards her, his face somewhat-panicky.  
  
"Do you intend on jumping in anytime soon?!" he shouted. "I cannot hold him  
off forever!"  
  
Lina yawned. "I don't work for free, buddy," she said. "If you got the goods  
I got the big-assed explosions."  
  
"I..." The man seemed to be more than a little horrified as he dodged  
another swipe of the dragon's tail. "How much do you want?" he finally said,  
resigned.  
  
"Hmm... two hundred thousand gold should be good!" she said, giving him a  
Charming Lina Smile (R).  
  
The hero coughed. "That is a ridiculously-expensive amount of money, miss,  
one that no one in the entire village can afford," he said reproachfully.  
"How about... five hundred?"  
  
"Five hundred? *Five* *hundred*?!" Lina laughed openly. "Oh, come on! You  
can take care of the big ol' nasty dragon by yourself, buddy. See ya!"  
  
With that, Lina sauntered off, just as the dragon sent a spout of fire at  
the hero that registered as "9999".  
  
[-----]  
  
Nevv and Emmanem had managed to find Jeffrey's hometown, Doru-kii, by   
nightfall. The two of them had promptly sought out his mother--a truly  
intimidating woman with rolls of fat and muscle and great big flapping   
lips--and had apologized profusely on behalf of Lina and all that they   
really, really didn't intend to hurt him, but that he'd hurt himself while  
trying to carry his disenchanted armor.  
  
The mother had acquired a somewhat-homicidal gleam in her eyes before her  
son corroborated their statements with a couple of weak gasps and coughs.  
Instantly dropping all pretenses of murder and other fluffy thoughts, she  
dropped what she was doing and carted Jeffrey and his stretcher to the back  
room, yelling out things such as, "you *poor* thing!", "my *precious*,  
*darling* son!" and other phrases that could give a hobgoblin cavities.  
  
"Now there walks a disturbed woman," Nevv said as she and Emmanem wandered  
around the town of Doru-kii to look for an inn to stay for the night.   
"Somehow I'm glad Jeffrey's not going to be travelling with us anymore... as  
if he was anything more than a burden."  
  
Emmanem pondered this. "Perhaps... but the only reason he lost his powers  
was because of Kiseki Rendahl... apparently, Jeffrey was capable of evading  
magic when under the influence of the armor." He paused, and pointed at an  
inn. "Such power is not commonplace. A very wise sorceror must have   
enchanted his equipment in order to have made it so strong."  
  
"And yet," Nevv said casually, "all it took was a simple spell from some  
girl who practices a rogue form of magic to break it."  
  
"... touche," Emmanem admitted, desperately trying to take the lead for   
once. He was just a bit sick of having to follow Nevv all day. It afforded a   
very generous view of her bottom, but it, like all other parts of her body   
(save for the two round gifts from God) was covered in that flowing robe she   
wore.  
  
So there really wasn't anything to see except a shifting beige expanse of  
fabric, which was about as stimulating as seeing Lina topless. Emmanem  
quickly glanced around to make sure that she wasn't around; the wrath of  
Lina Inverse knew little bounds, be it across the space of distance or the  
fourth wall.  
  
"I believe we should stay here for the night," he continued, trying to  
assert *some* sort of leadership.  
  
Nevv shrugged. "I don't have a problem with that. It's been the first good  
thing you've suggested all day," she added, heading towards the inn.  
  
"Why, you..." Emmanem began before the sweet taste of victory settled in.  
He'd actually managed to make Nevv do something. How cool was that? "As I  
was saying... let us stay here for the night, and in the morning, we   
shall--"  
  
"Find out where Lina's gone off to," Nevv finished. "I think we can do that  
by asking around a bit, to see what people know. Of course, that will most  
likely lead us nowhere, since villagers *never* know anything about major  
occurences outside their towns."  
  
Emmanem paused. "Riiight," he said. "May I offer a suggestion?"  
  
"Sure thing."  
  
"I suggest that we return to the town where Luna captured her sister. In  
that way, we can conceivably find Luna once more and confront her as to the  
whereabouts of Lina. Since Luna seems to be so knowledgeable, perhaps we can  
even ask her where Kiseki Rendahl is as well," Emmanem finished.  
  
Nevv considered for all of three seconds (give or take three seconds) before  
wheeling on him. "Emmanem, that is..." she began.  
  
"Yes? Yes?" he asked anxiously.  
  
"... the stupidest idea I've ever heard of. We are *not* going back to the  
town we just spent an entire day walking away from, we are *not* going to  
find Luna Inverse, and even if we can, she has no reason to answer our  
questions. *And* Kiseki isn't even a big part in all of this."  
  
"But... she's been allied with those two Mazoku," Emmanem said, considerably  
crestfallen.  
  
"They're after me, and Kiseki didn't seem to care too much about me last  
time. So I'm guessing their priorities changed."  
  
"Either that, or she was distracted... like you were," he said, walking into  
the inn.   
  
Nevv followed behind, and placed her hands on her hips in a strident   
posture. "I had no reason to fight her, and you know it!"  
  
"Perhaps you were just too lazy." He signed the book on the counter, and  
tossed a few coins at the manager, hoping that she was watching.  
  
She noticed, and said nothing about it. "Perhaps," she admitted. "But that's  
a moot point. I think that my plan will work better."  
  
"Very well, then, let us use your plan," Emmanem said. "I will reserve the  
right to mock you when it fails."  
  
Nevv smirked, and headed over to the restaurant inside the inn to grab some  
dinner. Emmanem quickly followed suit.  
  
The sounds of the crowd around them and Nevv's insistent tapping of her   
knife on the tabletop were the only sources of distraction he had. It got  
boring really quickly... and the food wasn't here yet, so he couldn't bury  
himself in the meal. He *had* to say something. But what?  
  
"What's going on with all this?" he finally managed.  
  
Nevv looked at him, and set the knife down, smiling. "I don't know," she  
said. "I guess we're all just having a good time. Lina, myself, you..."  
  
"I do not even know who I am," Emmanem said quietly. "This is something I  
will find out... and I want the two of you to help me, if possible."  
  
"First things first," Nevv said. "We can't move until we find the group  
leader... right?"  
  
"I suppose," he agreed half-heartedly. The food arrived, and both of them  
proceeded to dig in, until...  
  
"Nevv?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Have we gone for this whole chapter with a complete lack of a cheap gag?"  
Emmanem asked around his mouthful of mashed potatoes.  
  
"Apparently so." She didn't seem to perturbed about it.  
  
"Truly a miracle," he said, relieved. "I was under the general impression  
that you--"  
  
Nevv shoved her bowl of pudding in his face.  
  
[-----]  
  
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com 


	6. Chapter 6

Slayers! Yoyutchi  
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)  
  
"Gather, Ilyuum, and receive my words:  
That the power you possess is true...  
The binding of a dragon, the death of darkness...  
All those that stand before my glory shall fall to my strike!  
Reteleran Force!"  
  
Episode VI: A Hard Day's Knight  
  
[-----]  
  
People were such ingrates.  
  
Lina had walked back into the village ("Childora", according to a convenient  
sign that was outside the border of the place), and looked around. Nothing   
of note; in fact, it looked as if everyone was still standing in the same   
place as when she'd left.  
  
She'd noticed the explosion afterwards, of course; after the dragon had let  
loose a bloodcurdling cry of victory over its fallen hero. Of course, it  
didn't matter much to her. *He* had been the one who didn't want to pay, and  
she couldn't be held responsible for his ass getting fried.  
  
"Hey," she'd then said, approaching a villager. "Y--"  
  
The middle-aged farmer cut her off. "You let our hero perish! You scum!" he  
blared out, before turning back to pushing his wheelbarrow of supplies into  
his hut.  
  
"Who the hell are you calling--" Lina began angrily.  
  
"You let our hero perish!" the farmer interrupted, turning around. "You   
scum!"  
  
"... what?" she said, blinking two or three times in confusion.  
  
"You let our hero perish! You scum!"  
  
"Stop saying that, damn it!"  
  
"You let our hero perish! You scum!"  
  
"... guh," Lina managed, turning around. "Something's wrong here." She   
looked around for an inn; it had been a long, hard day, and she needed to  
get some food in her belly before she turned in for the... night?  
  
No, it was still day. The sun shone as brightly as ever overhead.  
  
Which was odd, because Lina *distinctly* remembered spending a good part of  
the day exploring the forest and the surrounding areas. She had gained a  
sense of time from exploring in lots of underground dungeons and hidden  
temples; there was a certain sense that came with each major time of the  
day, no matter how deep she was. Her body was saying that it was night. And  
yet... here, it was day. And she'd never been wrong before.  
  
Well, okay, she'd been wrong a couple of times before, but those were   
flukes. It wasn't as if she'd been wrong, time after time, suffering from  
the results of each misjudgement. Still... the fact remained that she was  
getting tired. And hungry. And irritable.  
  
She swung the door of the inn open, and was met with the visage of a smiling  
middle-aged woman who looked remarkably like two or three others in the  
village, right down to the clothes. Brushing her vague sense of dread aside,  
Lina approached her. "Hey, where's the food at?"  
  
"Welcome! The rate is 20 gold pieces per night. Would you like to stay?" the  
woman said cheerily.  
  
"No, I asked where the restaurant was--look, I'm really hungry, and this  
entire place is creeping me out, so--"  
  
The woman smiled, her eyes turning into little inverted smileys like this:  
n_n. "Would you like to save?" she asked, ignoring Lina's statements.  
  
"GAH!" Lina yelped, recoiling. "What's wrong with you people?!"  
  
No one seemed to notice what had happened around her; in fact, everyone was  
talking or drinking by themselves at the tables to her right. Resigned, Lina  
made her way to the bar and plopped herself down on one of the chairs. "Hey,  
menu, please!" she bellowed.  
  
A waiter dressed in regular clothing that seemed to be standard fare for all  
men his age made his way over to her table, and plunked a menu down. Lina  
didn't bother to glance through it. "I'll have one of everything," she said.  
  
"Very well," the waiter said, nodding and wandering off into the kitchen.  
/*Finally*,/ Lina thought, /something goes right. I just hope the food's not  
poisoned or something like that./  
  
Exactly two seconds later, the waiter walked back out, carrying a tray that  
had no food on it. He managed to pull out a glass of water from somewhere,  
placing it on the table. Then, he lowered the tray--and without so much as  
a flash or sound effect of any sort, the tabletop was suddenly laden with a  
bunch of food of all sorts.  
  
Lina would've wondered where the hell all the food had come from and how the  
waiter had done it, but her stomach won out and she immediately began   
working on the roast chicken next to her.  
  
Many words, bites, and chicken bones later, she was finished. She let out a  
content burp, then glanced around. Everyone was still in exactly the same  
place as before, doing the exact same thing as before. Lina wondered briefly  
if it was safe to stay in this place, and decided that if they had stayed   
in place so far, they would probably remain there for the rest of the night,  
or day, or whatever. She walked back to the innkeeper.  
  
"Welcome! The rate is 20 gold pieces per night. Would you like to stay?" the  
woman said cheerily.  
  
/Same prose as last time.../ Lina noted. "Yes," she muttered.  
  
"Good night!" the lady said. Then the room darkened.  
  
"HEY! What the hell's go--" Her words were cut off as a series of pleasant-  
sounding chimes played, and everything turned black.  
  
Then two seconds later, she was standing in front of the innkeeper again,  
blinking in confusion. Her body felt rested... and it *felt* like daytime...  
  
"Good morning!" the lady greeted. "Save game?"  
  
With a scream, Lina tore out of the inn, and out of the village in record  
time.  
  
[-----]  
  
A person's dreams are usually a reflection of their thought processes.  
Occasionally, those dreams are vividly non-sequiter, and serve no other  
purpose than to confuse the dreamer into thinking that perhaps the illusion  
had some prophetic message after he has awakened, vainly grasping to  
remember the portent and succeeding in only seeing--seeing, with his mind's  
eye--the shards of his dreams melt into disorganized thought and lapsed  
images through his figurative hand.  
  
Humans have the interesting quirk of reading too deeply into matters. Dreams  
are notoriously responsible for causing rash and irrational actions in an  
otherwise-irrational person, when the dream itself was possibly nothing more  
than a disjointed series of images dregged up from the recesses of the  
dreamer's subconscious.  
  
There are those who also prefer to believe that dreams are indeed a message  
from the beyond, a method of communication preferred by demons, incubi,  
archmages, and other silly sorts of powers-that-be in the mad world. Emmanem  
was one of these people; he firmly believed in the power of the dream, in  
many senses. In one sense, it was a set of goals and accomplishments which  
were loftily set just out of his reach, so as to retain the factor of  
unaccomplishment. In the other sense, it was a method of divining facts from  
sources with which he had no experience.  
  
Emmanem dreamed tonight.  
  
It wasn't anything particularly gloomy and doomy, as he had expected. It was  
more like a series of seemingly-random images strung together by his actions  
and words, both of which were spoken without his consent, as if the scene  
was predetermined. In fact, it would have been downright bizarre... had   
there not been a speck of truth in it.  
  
The backdrape was not colorful and warping about. In fact, it was in the  
very inn that he and Nevv had spent the night at; they were in the lobby,  
talking. Around them were the usual signs of activity--but it was as if they  
were invisible, or transparent... no one noticed them, even as Emmanem began  
to raise his voice in anger.  
  
"What do you want?!" he demanded, raising one hand up as if to strike her.  
  
Nevv merely smiled at him, and for a moment, her eyes glowed a deep shade of  
green, a verdant, forest green. "That is a secret," she said, her smile  
mocking him.  
  
"I'm the student and protege of Xelloss," Emmanem protested. "You have no  
right to say that."  
  
"Ilyuum," was all Nevv said. "Ilyuum."  
  
"What *is* Ilyuum?" he demanded. "I must know. I *must*."  
  
"That is a secret."  
  
He moved one arm out then, and purple energy flared to life, lashing out at  
Nevv. She didn't even move aside as the blast drew closer; the energy simply  
passed right through her with no effect whatsoever.  
  
"I am the Knight of Ceipheed," Nevv said, standing up, that smile still  
playing across her lips.  
  
Emmanem stepped back in confusion. "That's... Luna..." he whispered,   
although it didn't really matter how loud he spoke, since in his dream,   
everything was audible.  
  
Nevv's smile disappeared, and she raised one hand to fire a spell at him.  
"Not... anymore..." she said, and that's when the blast struck him with full  
force, jolting him out of his trance and back into the world of reality.  
Relative reality, anyways.  
  
Emmanem looked around his dark room, his eyesight blurred and his face  
sweaty. He never did like dreams. They were always telling him something bad  
or life-threatening, and this one had been no exception. The dreams had been  
like this for a long time, as long as he could remember--which wasn't too  
long. He couldn't remember anything behind the time he had woke up in a  
strange forest, rubbing his head and wondering what had happened to him...  
except for the one burning fact that he was the student of Xelloss, and to  
take up in his footsteps.  
  
Except, the dreams had come, and ever since then he really had no idea what  
the hell he was supposed to be doing. And Nevv had been more Xelloss-like in  
that last bit than he ever had. The knowledge of that was a bit annoying and  
more than slightly insulting.  
  
He couldn't let this one sit. Emmanem stood up and flung his covers aside,  
silently padding outside his room and into the hallway. Nevv's room was two  
doors down to his right. He made his way down, and gently knocked, briefly  
wondering what the hell he was doing. She'd probably think he was trying to  
sneak a peek at her in her nightgown or something.  
  
"... mrr... wha... Emmy?" came Nevv's sleepy mumble.  
  
"It is I," he said, feeling like a pompous ass for saying that. "May I come  
in?"  
  
"... why? It's..." Pause. "... two in the morning, you... ne'er mind, c'mon  
in." There was a slight shuffling; Emmanem was positive that she was rolling  
over in bed and away from the door. He entered anyways, making sure to shut  
the door carefully behind him.  
  
"What's up?" Nevv said, tossing the hair out of her face with a swipe of one  
hand. She was sitting on the bed, blinking at him wearily. Emmanem couldn't  
help but notice those two round highlights in the fabric of her nightgown,  
and tried to jerk his gaze away. He managed to partially do it, and was met  
with an amused look from the owner of the round highlights.  
  
"Never mind, I think I know," she said, collapsing back down on the bed away  
from him.  
  
"*Excuse* me!" Emmanem bristled, before stopping himself. "May I have... a  
word with you, Nevv Swanson?"  
  
"You're in my room, sitting on my bed, and we're both scantily-clad. I don't  
see why not."  
  
Emmanem blushed. He hadn't thought about that little fact before, and her  
pointing it out now made it distractingly obvious. "I had a most unpleasant  
dream a few moments ago, and it involved... you," he continued. "Perhaps it  
was just the memory of those two Mazoku that you claimed tried to capture  
you... but I distinctly remember you saying that you were... the Knight of  
Ceipheed."  
  
Nevv smirked. "*That* again..." she muttered. "I'm not a Knight of anybody.  
I'm just a mage of Scriim, and a fairly ordinary one at that." She stirred  
slightly and faced him, her expression surprisingly gentle. "If I was a   
Knight of Ceipheed, I'd be able to solve all the problems we have now,   
right?"  
  
"Problems?" Emmanem blinked. "I was under the impression that we were able  
to solve all of our current dilemmas in due time."  
  
"It's... not that easy," Nevv said wearily. "I don't think you'd understand.  
You should get some rest."  
  
Something in Emmanem made him want to know, and he pressed the matter. "Then  
would you mind explaining to me, Nevv Swanson?"  
  
She looked at him in vague surprise. "*Yes*, I mind," she said after a few  
moments. "... but since you're not going to stop bothering until I tell you,  
I might as well tell you now."  
  
He nodded, and waited.  
  
"Lina's sister is the Knight of Ceipheed," Nevv said. "That makes her very,  
very important. And Ceipheed... he was one of the ancient gods of this   
world. Since the beginning of time, he has been in existence. And now, Luna  
is on the move, under the orders of her god."  
  
"Yes," Emmanem agreed. "You are worried that there could be reason for the  
increase in activity?"  
  
"There *is* reason," Nevv said, staring down at her bedsheets. "Luna's...  
well, she's Luna. I've stumbled across her a few times myself--"  
  
"You *have*?!" He was taken aback. "Why did you--for what reasons?"  
  
Nevv smirked. "Not good ones. She's been accusing me of being the reason  
that Ceipheed's on the move. She claims I want to be the next Knight of  
Ceipheed--another one, at any rate."  
  
"She is jealous," Emmanem mused. "How odd that even a human of such power  
still remains prone to human tendencies."  
  
"Get off the snooty trip," she said irritably. "Even if I was strong enough  
to be a Knight, I wouldn't bother. Following one person blindly doesn't  
appeal to me."  
  
"You seem to be doing a lot in your endeavors to retrieve Lina," he said,  
gauging her reaction.  
  
There wasn't much; something along the lines of tired disinterest. "I kind  
of owe Lina for the time she saved me from those two Mazoku," she said. "I  
haven't found a way to pay her back yet."  
  
"Is that all?"  
  
"... I think so," she said, her confident veneer slipping a bit. "I'm not  
too sure. But that should be all for now."  
  
There was a space of silence.  
  
"Perhaps I should sleep here for the rest of the night," Emmanem offered.  
"It would--"  
  
"Get real, Femmanem." She rolled over onto her side and slipped underneath  
the covers.  
  
He slouched out of her room.  
  
[-----]  
  
She was waiting for her as she ran out of the village, terrified.  
  
/I'm really not getting paid enough for this,/ Kiseki thought as she saw a  
panic-stricken Lina Inverse tear out of Childaria. She moved in her path,  
and raised one hand. "Stop right there!"  
  
Lina didn't stop. She tore right across the path and rammed right into  
Kiseki, sending both of them tumbling to the ground in a heap of curses.  
Kiseki managed to get up first.  
  
"Stop right there!" she repeated. "In the name of Hibiki-sensei (may he live  
forever) and the Disturbingly Ambiguous Mazoku, I must defeat you!"  
  
Instead of tossing a Fireball at her, Lina dusted herself off. "Okay...   
okay, I think I'm calm... all right. It's you, right, Kiseki?"  
  
Kiseki halted in mid-forearm shake. "Yeah, what do you mean, 'it's me'?" she  
said in puzzlement.  
  
"Look, I don't have time to explain now," Lina said hurriedly. She glanced  
back at the village. It was sitting there, and the simple fact that it was  
creeped her out to no end. "I gotta help you, alright? So c'mon!"  
  
"Help... *help*?!" Kiseki coughed a few times. "I already got help from my  
Mazoku friends. I don't need *your* help..."  
  
Lina sighed.  
  
"... unless you're willing to convert to the side of Saikyouism?" Kiseki  
added hopefully.  
  
Lina sighed.  
  
An hour or so later, the two of them were sitting around a campfire on the  
outskirts of Darkwood Forest. As Lina had suspected, it *was* nighttime; but  
thanks to her stay at the Childaria inn, her body now insisted it was   
daytime. A case of inn lag was the last thing she wanted. At least she   
wasn't hungry.  
  
Kiseki poked a hot dog on a stick into the flames. "What's going on?" she  
demanded. "I'm supposed to kill you now, you know."  
  
"Like you could," Lina said. "Look... I dunno what's going on. My sister  
came up to be a while back and said I was supposed to help you, and like the  
id... untalkative person she was, she didn't say anything else."  
  
"So now what?" Kiseki said. "Am I supposed to just go with you? I'm loyal to  
Ace and Gary, you know."  
  
"... well they're not here, so I'll worry about them later," Lina replied.  
"Why the hell are you following two Mazoku, anyways? I mean, you're a  
competent mage--okay, maybe not, but still, what can they give you that you  
can't find yourself?" /Gawd, I sound so stupid,/ she thought.  
  
"Power," Kiseki said, smiling dreamily. "They gave me power."  
  
"Ohhhhh..." Lina said, nodding. "I can relate to that. But didn't you have  
to end up selling your soul to them or something?"  
  
Kiseki yanked the hot dog out of the fire and waved it around a bit to cool  
it off. "No, I did that with Hibiki-sensei (may he live forever) already,"  
she said, grinning.  
  
Lina wasn't sure how to take that. "Oh... kay," she mumbled. /Nutcase./ "So  
are you going to come along with me?"  
  
"Where's everyone else? The gink in white armor, the blue-haired person, and  
the mage with the big breasts?" Kiseki asked, not answering Lina.  
  
"Big... breasts..." Lina managed to compose herself after she realized that  
it wasn't directed at *her*. "I dunno. Luna snatched me up a while back and  
didn't put me back where she took me."  
  
"Hah!" Kiseki proclaimed happily. "You're... just as disorganized as I am,  
then," she finished somewhat lamely.  
  
"Whatever," Lina muttered. "You didn't answer my question."  
  
"No," Kiseki said. "I'm loyal to Ace and Gary, and them only."  
  
"Flow Break," Lina said, knowing damn well that if Kiseki truly was under  
their influence, pitting a Flow Break against it would be like tossing a   
leaf into a hurricane to see how far she could throw. The familiar light  
show played before them both, and as the spell ended Kiseki looked up at her  
curiously.  
  
"What was that for?" Kiseki asked.  
  
Lina watched her carefully as she spoke. "I was hoping to get that Mazoku  
enchantment off of you," she said slowly.  
  
"Lina Inverse... heh..." Kiseki mumbled, chuckling. "Lemme make this   
obvious. I joined them out of my free will."  
  
Lina blanched. "But *why*?! Aside from the power--which you could've gotten  
from any half-rate magic school in the WORLD, why?"  
  
"I'm not too sure," Kiseki admitted, popping the hot dog in her mouth. "OW,  
HOT!"  
  
A few seconds later, she continued. "Ne'er tha leth, Ath an' Garyth hath  
done whath I wan'ed the' to. I can thprea' the mighth of Thaiyouithm--"  
  
"Hold on, HOLD ON," Lina said, raising both hands up. After the lithping--  
excuse me, *lisping* mage had stopped, she went on. "Look... I'm supposed to  
help you, damn it, and I'm going to help you! But if you make it hard for  
yourself neither of us is going to get anywhere!"  
  
"Too bad," Kiseki said, getting up. "I'm not gonna let you."  
  
Lina's eyebrow twitched. "*Kiseki*..."  
  
"In fact, I'm going to report back to Ace and Gary now and--"  
  
"DILL BRAND!"  
  
Lina watched her land on the ground in a crumpled heap. A bit cruel, yes,  
but she was getting annoying. And it wasn't as if she could do anything  
about it. At least this way, she won't be in trouble with Luna.  
  
Cleaning the remnants of their little campsite, Lina quickly hauled Kiseki  
up with a spell and floated her merrily along as she made her way back to  
town.  
  
... she had no idea what town she was going to yet, but that was a moot  
point.  
  
[-----]  
  
"Ace."  
  
"Gary."  
  
"She is escaping us."  
  
"I am aware of this."  
  
"Shall we intervene?"  
  
"No... we shall take care of this matter personally."  
  
"... I see."  
  
"When shall we leave?"  
  
"After I extricate myself from the chains."  
  
"*You* dropped the keys."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Ace?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I am not sure as to which one of us is talking anymore. This is quite  
frustrating."  
  
"I understand."  
  
More silence.  
  
"Gary?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"What was the intrinsic meaning of this conversation?"  
  
"I do not know, Gary."  
  
"I am *Ace*."  
  
"Oh yeah."  
  
[-----]  
  
The next morning, Nevv and Emmanem awoke early in the morning and   
immediately set off for the task of... the task of...  
  
"We agreed to *my* plan," Emmanem insisted.  
  
"We most certainly did *not*," Nevv retorted. "You were distracted. I never  
said anything of the sort."  
  
He managed to restrain himself for a few moments. "Very well... what was  
your plan of action again?"  
  
"What the hell's wrong with your memory?" Nevv said. "We were going to ask  
villagers to see if they've seen Lina or Luna around."  
  
"Ah, *yes*," Emmanem said, affecting his best tone of all-out arrogance.  
"*That* plan... yes."  
  
"... what about it?" Nevv said slowly.  
  
"The plan that I predicted would fail?" Emmanem said smugly, pacing about  
for added effect. "The plan that was, in and of itself, a stupid idea? Yes,  
I remember it *well*."  
  
"Emmy, shut up and help me out," Nevv said blandly. "Quit your posing."  
  
"Ah, but my dear Nevv Swanson, I am *not* posing."  
  
"Then why do you sound like such an ass?"  
  
Emmanem smiled at her. "That is... a secret."  
  
"Nice try."  
  
Instead of breaking down like she had expected, Emmanem kept going. "You  
think I am playing a mere game, girl?" he said, his tone become twisted and  
cold now. "Nevv Swanson. I command you... follow *my* doing."  
  
"Screw you."  
  
"Obviously, no one has," he said, "or else you may not be as uptight."  
  
Nevv slapped him. Hard, across the face.  
  
"Don't go there," she said, smiling easily. "The next one will hurt a lot   
more, you know."  
  
He remained turned away from her for a few seconds. Then, slowly, he brought  
his face to look at her again.  
  
"You... hit me..." he murmured, fingering the spot gently.  
  
"Yeah. Deal," Nevv said, and turned around to approach a villager.  
  
Emmanem didn't follow her. Instead, he began to falter, whispering the same  
three words over and over again: "you hit me... you hit me..." Slowly, the  
air around him began glowing a faint purple.  
  
"... Emmy?" she said, turning back around. /Too far, Nevv.../ she thought to  
herself. /Get ready./  
  
"You... hit me..." he said again, his words a mumbled whisper now. "Y-  
you..."  
  
"Look, I'm sorry, damn it!" she said. "It's been really hectic for me these  
past few days, and you were being a *complete* asshole--"  
  
Emmanem screamed. As he did, he felt something in him simply... break. And  
as it broke, a series of triggers and subtle transformations began echoing  
down the length of his wiry body, until his long-sleeved jacket began to  
stretch over his now-bulging arms, as the legs of his dark blue trousers  
filled with muscle, culminating in his face: his expression, usually quiet  
and genteel, was now one of pure savagery. And his eyes...  
  
The triggers also set off a massive explosion of energy that was more for  
decorative purposes than anything else; Nevv was engulfed in the ensuing  
sphere of bluish light for the space of a few seconds before she took a few  
steps--actually, *many* steps--back out of its range.  
  
/Rolled back in their sockets,/ she noted. /Berserker... type two. Should've   
figured, with the memory lapse and the anti-social tendencies.../  
  
"All right," she said aloud. "Emmy? You there?"  
  
The muscular beast that was now Emmanem turned his face towards her, and  
gave a low, guttural snarl.  
  
"I don't have time for this. FLARE ARROW!" She sent a spiralling blast of  
fire at him.  
  
Emmy, though, seemed to just bat the spell aside, and it struck the ground a  
few feet away from him, sending villagers panicking across the street. Nevv  
quirked one eyebrow up; up until now Emmanem had displayed no ability of any  
kind, and now here he was, waving-away and no-selling like a... Mazoku...  
  
She looked up.  
  
"Prepare to be happy!" an effeminate voice called out, as a familiar  
spandex-clad Mazoku appeared from Emmy's right side.  
  
"And make it sappy!" another one replied, coming from his left.  
  
"Oh, for..." Nevv glanced around. The villagers were all now huddled in  
their houses--why couldn't they *ever* lend a hand?--and no where in sight.  
In a way, it was good, since that meant that the ensuing battle would have  
less of a chance of getting them killed. And in another way, it was bad,  
since Nevv would be fighting against these two fruitcakes and one cheesecake  
all by herself.  
  
"To protect the world from the thriving hets!"  
  
"To glomp onto all cute boys we have met!"  
  
Nevv decided that she really didn't want to watch this anymore, and floated  
herself up into the air with a Raywing so as to get out of harm's way.   
Below, Emmanem leapt up in an impotent gesture (although he *did* manage to  
jump up a good twenty or thirty feet), clawing for her. And next to him were  
the two posing idiots known as the Disturbingly Ambiguous Mazoku.  
  
She had to take out all of them at once, including Emmy, who had been  
trigged by her actions. And she didn't want to *kill* Emmy--although a quick  
and painless, or perhaps slow and painful, death for Ace and Gary would've  
been perfectly fine. She had to check Emmy out... and Lina as well. All in  
due time.  
  
But first...  
  
"Gather, Ilyuum, and receive my words:  
That the power you possess is true..." she began.  
  
The two Mazoku, posing up a storm, failed to notice both Emmanem and Nevv.  
"To denounce the evil of sexless love!" Ace proclaimed, flitting his hands  
about and standing in what looked like a position that was impossible for a  
contortionist.  
  
"To extend our heehaws to the skies above!" Gary finished, raising one arm  
as an example.  
  
"The binding of a dragon, the death of darkness..."  
  
"ACE!" A flash of strobe lights pierced the day, shining brighter than the  
sun overhead. Now *that's* a feat of magic. Or ego.  
  
"GARY!" Another flash of strobe lights, this one more baby-blue tinted. He  
had taste, after all.  
  
"Disturbingly Ambiguous Mazoku, j--"  
  
"DAMN it, try to keep this at a PG-13 rating, you nitwits!" Nevv yelled down  
from above.  
  
"Sorry. *ahem*... 'jack off at the speed of light!'"  
  
Nevv groaned, and continued her own chant (a decidedly shorter one). "All   
those that stand before my glory shall fall to my strike! Reteleran Force!"  
  
"Surrender now, or prepare to--"  
  
"... *finish* the chant, Gary," Ace said threateningly.  
  
Gary pointed up.  
  
A large wave of pure white energy was streaking down at them. A large,   
*wide* wave. A large, wide, *tidal* wave.  
  
"I do believe we are--to quote the vernacular, 'screwed'," he said.  
  
"You *always* were the inopportune romantic," Ace said, before the blast  
scooped both of them up with its force and sent them barrelling across the  
treetops and eventually out of the city.  
  
Nevv watched them leave, then sank back to the ground, spent but satisfied.  
She'd gotten rid of them again, this time by herself. Not even three-on-one  
odds were capable of defeating the mighty... Nevv... Swanson?  
  
... she abruptly realized that she'd sent Emmy packing--in more ways than  
one--with that blast.  
  
"SHIT!" she yelled, and kicked up another Raywing in pursuit.  
  
[-----]  
  
But it was too late for Nevv. Mazoku travel fast, and they get sent reeling  
even faster. These two--excuse me, these *three* Mazoku did, anyways.  
  
Ace, Gary, and Emmanem came flying through the roof of their estate, sending  
bits of plaster, wood splinters, and other assorted debris flying   
everywhere. The three landed in the middle of the living room. Ace managed  
to garner a soft landing on the comfy couch--the very *large* comfy couch.  
Gary hit the bearskin rug, and went tumbling ass-over-teakettle. Emmanem...  
the third one, crashed into a drawer full of expensive china.  
  
Wincing, Gary picked himself up off the ground--that china set had cost him  
almost eight thousand gold, and it was a gift, too, grrr--and waited for the  
spinning in his head to stop.  
  
"Are you faring well, Gary?" his partner said quietly, examining himself for  
any signs of damage or testicular cancer.  
  
"... I believe so," he replied. "Although we did not manage to destroy the  
Knight of Ceipheed..."  
  
"No matter," Ace said, finishing his examination and moving onto checking  
Gary in a similar fashion. "We have what we came for... and he is currently  
lying in an unconscious heap in the middle of our china set." It was Ace's  
turn to wince.  
  
"Please do not remind me of that," Gary chided gently, plucking himself out  
of Ace's caressing grasps. "Let us focus on business at hand."  
  
"Yes," Ace nodded, turning to Emmanem. The blue-haired man was slowly coming  
to, as he struggled to raise himself up. Shards of china tinkled and broke  
as he flexed his muscles. Blood--real, human blood--ran down the back of his   
now-stretched jacket.  
  
Slowly, he turned around. "Uhhh... where am I?" he moaned.  
  
"Memory lapses," Gary murmured. "Most... *most* interesting."  
  
"Potentially detrimental," Ace added reproachfully. "But it cannot be   
helped."  
  
Gary nodded in agreement, then got up, feeling the pain in his corporeal  
body but tuning it out easily. It wasn't as if they'd been hit with a   
Vearian Wrath again... pure concussion force was easily taken care of. He  
walked slowly over to Emmy, and held one hand out to help him up.  
  
"Y-you are those Mazoku," Emmy said shakily. "Lina Inverse and Nevv Swanson  
told me ab--"  
  
"No matter," Gary said, smiling hypnotically. "We are your friends."  
  
"Yes," Ace chimed in. "We want to help you."  
  
Emmanem brushed his hair out of his eyes and watched them narrowly. A   
sparkle of light accompanied the action.  
  
[-----]  
  
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com 


	7. Chapter 7

Slayers! Yoyutchi  
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)  
  
"Trust.  
Denial...  
Devotion.  
Belief.  
  
Shatter before the light that Ilyuum and I wield.  
Pulse that brings life, abyss that harbors death...  
Stretch both expanses before my darkness and my light  
And fly forth across the space of time to vanquish  
Them all: beast, beastmaster, and master, heed my cry!  
  
... Seventh Absolution."  
  
Episode VII: Maniac Magi  
  
[-----]  
  
Lina was running fast, very *very* fast. Behind her, the prone form of  
Kiseki 'Umi' Rendahl fluttered back and forth like a flag in the midst of a  
raging tornado. On both sides of her, an endless sequence of trees splayed  
themselves out, choking her with their--  
  
... okay, this isn't working. Let's try again.  
  
First off, Lina was running, running, running very fast. And Kiseki was  
behind her, levitated by a Raywing bubble, trailing like a very large and  
bulbuous tail. As for the trees... all detailed prose aside, she was in the  
middle of a forest. And further behind her, the scraggly marchers of a  
vigilante group made themselves seen, wielding pitchforks, torches, small  
swords, pieces of string, the family cat--anything that could be a potential  
child hazard, really.  
  
She looked around once and decided that a quick escape was in order. Only  
she really had no where else to go but up, and even then she didn't know  
where the hell she would be flying towards.  
  
Ah, hell with it.  
  
Lina quickly leapt up, and stayed up as a form-fitting (well, there wasn't  
much form to speak of, but you get my drif--OW! That hurt, Lina...) bubble  
of energy surrounded her as well. She quickly glanced back again to make  
sure Kiseki was still in tow; the girl had been knocked into sleepy-byebye  
land with one Dill Brand, something Lina hadn't expected at all. It did make  
things easier, but as for being of any use...  
  
She decided not to think about that now and instead focused on looking up,  
up, up, and down, down, down as a large bluish flare of energy boiled   
angrily out from the midst of a town in the far distance.  
  
/What the *hell*.../ she thought, and flew in closer to take a look.  
  
A blur of light streaked by and nearly slammed into her.  
  
"AAGGHH!!" Lina yelled, spiralling out of control for a moment before   
managing to regain her stability. Behind her, Kiseki was tossed about like  
a fresh French salad.  
  
The blur paused, then turned around to face Lina. "*Lina*?!"  
  
"Damn it, watch where the hell you're going, you as--Nevv!?"  
  
Nevv Swanson relaxed slightly before smiling an uneasy smile. "Yeah, that's  
me. We've got trouble," she said worriedly. Then, she noticed. "Why are you  
dragging Kiseki behind you?"  
  
"What's going on? And don't mind her," Lina said.  
  
The more ample-chested one turned back around, and rocketed off without a  
word.  
  
Lina cursed and followed her.  
  
Nevv took a high, arcing path that looked as if she was following someone  
who she had recently sent sailing sky-high with some spell. She eventually  
wound up in some part of the land that happened to be surrounded by trees  
and a jutting mountain that looked not unlike a huge stone dingdong, with  
what appeared to be mansion on top of the... tip.  
  
"Where the hell are we?!" Lina shouted out over the rush of wind around her.  
  
"I have no idea!" Nevv shouted back. "I'm just following the path of--ah!  
There we are!" She pointed.  
  
The target of her finger was the lavish mansion set atop the hill--lavish,  
that is, in every sense save for the three large holes in the roof. Nevv was  
fairly sure she knew what caused those, but she hung back for a bit,  
studying the situation carefully. Lina drew up next to her, powering up a  
spell in her hands.  
  
"All right, so what do we blow up first? The house or the mountain?" she  
said with the familiar I-will-kick-your-ass smirk.  
  
"Nothing," Nevv said quietly. "Look... I was trying to get Emmanem  
earlier--"  
  
"Did you take him?"  
  
"*NO*." She stuck her tongue out at Lina, who mirrored the gesture in  
response. "He... went berserker, or something..."  
  
"Berserker? As in, he started foaming at the mouth and smashing everything  
in sight?" Lina said.  
  
"Pretty much... except now those two fruity Mazoku have him, and there's no  
telling *what* they can do with him," Nevv muttered darkly.  
  
"I'd rather NOT think about that," Lina shot back, turning a bit green.  
"Urp..."  
  
"Not *that*, Lina... ew." Nevv managed to turn a bit green herself before  
regaining her composure. "Look... whatever it is they're trying to do, if  
they manage to manipulate Emmy into doing it..."  
  
"So... what's the problem here?" Lina said easily. "I mean... it's not as if  
he's done anything to help us, right?"  
  
Nevv groaned. "Lina... as odd as he is, he *is* our friend... we should at  
least *try* to help him out."  
  
"... aaaahhhhh, I see how it is," Lina said, winking at her.  
  
"What was that wink for?"  
  
"It wasn't a wink, I got a fleck of sand in my eye from this wind," Lina  
said, trying to blink the sand out. "Let's land."  
  
Nevv nodded, and the two swooped down and perched on the top of the  
dingdong, which was a lot larger than it had seemed from farther away.  
  
"Wow... it's so big..." Nevv noted.  
  
"It sure looked small up in the air," Lina said, looking around as well.  
  
"They say that things look bigger up close," Nevv said, finishing her  
examination of the air and now checking out the house itself. It was done in  
the typical Victorian style--or was it Gothic? She didn't know the damn  
difference between the two anyways. Aside from the three holes in the roof  
that Ace and Gary would probably pass of as "ventilation shafts", it really  
*was* a beautiful house, and--  
  
"AERO BOOOOOOMB!" Lina shouted, unleashing a compact ball of gale-force  
winds that went flying across the space between her and the house, nearly  
clipping Nevv in the head before smacking straight into the side of wall.  
The windows promptly shattered outwards in a satisfying crash and tinkle of  
expensive glass, sending debris flying into the air around Nevv...  
  
... who promptly wheeled on Lina angrily. "Hey, *watch* it!" she yelled.  
  
The heretic genius, however, was currently indulging in a moment of  
stupidity. "Next on the menu... FIIIIIIREBAAAAAAAALL!" And the familiar  
blast of swirling red energy shot out and struck the house on another one of  
its walls, setting the wood (wood? Mazoku used wood to build their houses?)  
ablaze. With a smirk, Lina dusted off her hands and waited for the Mazoku to  
come out from their now-ruined mansion.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
"Lina, you idiot!" Nevv yelled. "What was that supposed to accomplish?!"  
  
Lina smiled coolly at her. "If I calculated correctly, those two spandex-  
clad morons will come running out in about... three, two, one..."  
  
She pointed at the door in a dramatic gesture. "NOW!"  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
"You idiot," Nevv muttered. "If we had followed my idea, we would've been in  
and out already, instead of staying on top of this oddly-shaped mountain  
waiting for those two to finish consummating their relationship with each  
other. Uck."  
  
Lina bristled. "Yeah, well, if your idea's so hot, why didn't you--"  
  
Nevv cut her off with a wave of her hand. "Shhh!" she said, straining as if  
to listen to something.  
  
"Don't 'shhh' me!" Lina shouted, her voice becoming increasingly shrill. "I  
can do--"  
  
"... guwwwaaaah..." came the faint but unmistakable moan of something very  
Ghostly and In Pain and Suffering.  
  
"What was that?" Lina said, her gaze darting around nervously.  
  
"If you'd actually stay *quiet*, I can try and find out," Nevv muttered.  
"Please?"  
  
"Oh, all riiiaAAAAAHH!!" Lina's last syllable was dragged out and converted  
into a nice, typical scream of surprise as something dark, blue, and large  
leaped out at her from the side. There was a flash of light, a glitter of  
sparkling, maniacal eyes, and Lina was sent flying by a wicked right cross.  
  
Groaning, she managed to stand up as Nevv swung by her and fired off some  
sort of strange bluish blast of energy at the attacker. The thing slipped  
aside in a flash of white, landing behind Nevv before she could even blink  
and sending her sprawling with a strike to the back of her head.  
  
Nevv looked up to see the hulking, menacing form of a blue-haired maniac in  
tattered clothes standing over her, his face twisted in a wicked grin.  
  
"Emmy...?" she said hesitantly, reaching towards him.  
  
A strangely-calm voice came from Emmanem's throat, a voice laced with metal  
but still more than a little reminiscent of its former sound. "Jukaara has  
lost himself," the voice said. "There is only me now... the being of rage  
within him."  
  
"Jukaara... I think I liked 'Emmanem' better," Nevv muttered, before a  
streak of light smashed into Emmy's back, sending him reeling forward. Lina  
dashed by, her face set in determination, and managed to wave hi to Nevv  
before gathering another blast of energy in her hands and setting it loose  
at the berserker.  
  
Emmy dodged aside from the second blast lithely and cracked his knuckles,  
leering at Lina with a low, contemptuous growl.  
  
"God, you're sure ugly in that form," Lina managed. "Take THIIIIIS!"  
  
Before she could fling the spell at Emmy, though, she was caught off-guard  
once more as a savagely-powerful kick hit her on the shin. Lina yelped in  
pain and started hopping around, clutching her leg in agony.  
  
Nevv looked up. And decided to stop looking.  
  
"*Prepare* for--" Ace began.  
  
"Ace, it is my turn to begin the recitation," Gary said, plucking the rose  
out of his mouth.  
  
Big Ol' A looked at him, a bit disgruntled. "Such matters do not *concern*  
us at this particular time, Gary, especially in the midst of a battle which  
we have a lead on. We shall discuss this *later*."  
  
"Oh, very well. Spoiled upstart."  
  
"Who are *you* calling 'upstart'?!"  
  
"Guys..." Nevv chimed in. "... I think, anyways. Look, can we skip past the  
fancy stuff and get to the asskicking?"  
  
"Heh... looks like you're finally learning, Nevv," Lina said, still  
clutching her mortally-wounded (or just in a helluva lotta pain) shin. "You  
sound just like me!"  
  
Nevv blanched, and turned back to the Mazoku. "Emmy's ours, thank you. Just  
turn him back the way he was and we can all go scot-free, except maybe for  
Gary, who I *know* tried to touch my breasts," Nevv finished somewhat slyly.  
  
Ace glared at his partner. "Gary, is this *true*?" he demanded.  
  
As Gary fumbled for a response, Lina finally realized that Kiseki was still  
out like a light. /Could use some help,/ she thought. /Or just some fodder.  
Lessee here.../  
  
And Kiseki wasn't there. The Raywing bubble had long since disappeared when  
Lina broke concentration.  
  
"*Damn* it!" she yelled, looking around. Over here, Nevv was in a stand-off  
with Emmy, the two of them doing nothing except exchange glances once in a  
while (glances that glimmered dramatically with an almost-audible sound);  
over there, the two Mazoku were arguing over the accusation of being  
unfaithful; and up on the second floor of the mansion a blue-haired girl was  
chanting something that sounded like the Giga Slave.  
  
... eh?  
  
"Source of all disrespect...  
Taunting that flows within...  
Reveal to me now your true lack of power!"  
  
So sayeth the first High Mage of Saikyouism, the Grand Mistress of  
Ineffectuality, the One Below All Herself, Kiseki 'Umi' Rendahl.  
  
Lina didn't know what to say. Then again, she was glad Nevv wasn't aware...  
yet. She'd have a *mouthful*.  
  
"Emmy... listen to me. Back down. Now," Nevv warned, trying to charge up  
some sort of spell in a fashion that he wouldn't regard as suspicious.  
  
"Foolish little girl," he said, smirking. "My goals are my own. You shall  
not interfere with them."  
  
"Yes, yes, I've read 'Bad Dialogue for Dummies' too, now can we *please*  
come to some sort of solution?"  
  
Emmy's response was to swing a punch that scattered black fire straight  
towards Nevv.  
  
"From forth the arcade joysticks and now into my hand...." Kiseki continued,  
a deep hue of pink beginning to gather around her waving hands and gyrating  
body.  
  
"This is *it*, Gary. We are *through*," Ace pronounced.  
  
"But... Ace! You must understand! I never had any desire to caress the  
smooth, round mammaries of Nevv Swanson! None at all!" Gary protested.  
  
"... and yet you describe them in such a revoltingly-succulent fashion," Ace  
pointed out. "As of this moment, the Disturbingly Ambiguous Mazoku are no  
more."  
  
"King of mockery, sea of inanity, I summon thee! Swear myself to thee!"  
Kiseki continued. It was at that point Nevv chose to notice her.  
  
Needless to say, she was more than a bit incensed.  
  
"Kiseki, what the *hell* are you doing?!" she demanded.  
  
Lina, who recognized the familiar sounds of Something That Goes Boom Very  
Big, leapt into the air and rushed off with a Raywing, leaving Nevv behind  
to wonder what sort of life she managed to draw in the evolutionary game of  
bingo. Emmy, Ace, and Gary looked up as well--and each had a few moments to   
take cover before...  
  
"Uncurl my fist and mock those below us! SAIKYOU SLAAAAAAAVE!"  
  
And both the righteous and unrighteous were consumed in that fiery blast.  
  
[-----]  
  
She dreamed the dreams that were of the foreboding type. Which was odd...  
because dreams were not supposed to pervade even into the realm of death.  
Then again, as any Mazoku can tell you, death isn't any big deal. It's  
simply... oblivion, lack of sensation and consciousness. It's almost  
pleasant, because you got a well-deserved rest and you were not aware of the  
actual process, because... well, because you're dead.  
  
Nevv didn't like being dead, really. It sucked.  
  
It irked her even more that she had died because of one spell that was cast  
by some sort of pretentious mage that just *happened* to be uber-powerful.  
And the fact that she wouldn't be able to catch Lina and fulfill her mission  
also happened to be of great suckitude.  
  
Then she noticed that she was getting mad. Dead people usually don't have  
feelings of any sort...  
  
Nevv looked up. Above her, a blue-haired, blue-eyed girl was shaking her  
forearm fiercely, a pink aura the size of a small tree surrounding her.  
Further up was Lina, watching in semi-dumbfoundness. And across from Nevv  
were the two former Disturbingly Ambiguous Mazoku, clutching their faces in  
agony as strobe lights brighter than the sun at 5 yards burned into their  
retinas.  
  
She turned around. Emmy was lying on the ground, his muscular body gone. In  
its place was the familiar, wiry blue-haired shadowy figure that they had  
come to know and lov... well, know, at least.  
  
Death was beginning to drop lower and lower on Nevv's coolness scale.  
  
Actually, that wasn't right.  
  
Those feelings weren't getting any less intense; she had the desire to blow  
something up, bad. Plus, there was that not-so-fresh feeling again...  
surely death supplied its own maxipads...  
  
Nevv glanced down, and saw that she was sitting on cold, cold stone. She  
quickly got up and took a *good* look around this time.  
  
After a repetitive descriptive paragraph, she finally realized that she  
wasn't dead at all; but the current situation wasn't much better.  
  
"Strobe... lights... too... bright..." Ace groaned, writhing in apparent  
pain.  
  
Nevv had no idea what the hell she was supposed to do. This was something  
that was really becoming all-too-common these days.  
  
And then her and her three companions faded out in a wink of light, leaving  
the two Mazoku alone on top of the phallic mountain. The ensuing depravity  
shall not be detailed.  
  
[-----]  
  
"Where the hell are we *now*?" came the irate voice of a certain heretic  
genius.  
  
"Dunno," the big-chested, billowy-clothed mage replied. "What about the  
other two? Emmy-kun and Kislappy?"  
  
Lina looked around. And saw her sister leaning off to the side against a  
nonexistant wall, trimming her nails. She was wearing an odd getup that  
looked as if it should reveal a lot of skin; but featured large patches of  
swishy robes and fancy doodads where her body would normally be. Lina  
blinked, unused to seeing her in anything aside from a waitress' uniform.  
  
Luna didn't say anything, although she did give Lina a cool two-fingered  
salute for a brief moment before going back to doing her nails.  
  
"Who's that?" Nevv muttered, pointing at Luna.  
  
The older Inverse's gaze met Nevv's.  
  
"Hiya, Knight of Ilyuum," she said.  
  
"... oh *shit*," Nevv muttered. A brief smirk crossed her face, and was  
quickly replaced by her usual confident smile.  
  
"Nevv?" Lina said, looking over at her. "Wha? Knight of Ilyuum? Damn it,  
*somebody* tell me what's going on!"  
  
"Not going to happen," Nevv replied, turning to Luna. "Sorry. We'll have to  
deal later... I've got business to attend to."  
  
Luna nodded off-handedly. "See ya."  
  
With that, Nevv simply stepped out and disappeared from wherever they were,  
leaving Lina to stare in dumbfounded amazement at what she had just seen.  
  
A few seconds later, the groans of a very-harried girl and a formerly-quiet  
shadowy figure came up from behind Lina. "Wh... where am I?" Kiseki moaned,  
wishing she had a nice cup of clam chowder right about now.  
  
"Dunno," Lina shrugged, tending to Emmanem (who was strangely--but not *too*  
strangely, since shadowy figure usually stay hushed--quiet). "Ask sis. She  
probably won't tell, though--ARGH, I'm beginning to talk just like her."  
  
Luna Inverse smirked. "Hadda take ya guys here. Need ta talk for a bit," she  
quipped.  
  
"Yeah? About what?" Kiseki replied, pointing an accusatory finger at her in  
true dramatic accusatory fashion. "*You* were going to help me spread  
Saikyouism across the land! And you double-crossed me!"  
  
The Knight of Ceipheed affected not to let the scapegoating get to her too  
much. "Never said that. Offered ta help you get revenge, 'member? Here ya  
go. Lina. You. G'wan."  
  
Kiseki blinked. "Oh yeah."  
  
"What the *hell's* going on, sis?!" Lina demanded. She shook Emmanem a good  
one, and still no response came from him.  
  
"Nothin'." Luna sighed, then decided to try Plan A. "Wanna eat? I'll  
explain."  
  
"Eat? *Now* you're talking!" Lina smiled, heaving Emmy up to his feet and  
promptly back down onto his knees as the man allowed himself to go limp in  
her arms. "What the hell's wrong with you, Emmanem? I mean, aren't you  
hungry after going into some weird berserker form and nearly killing all of  
us?"  
  
"... ngh," he replied.  
  
"Food. *Now*," Kiseki demanded, still levelling her Finger of Blame (which  
almost seemed larger-than-life by this point) at Luna.  
  
"'kay," Luna said, and then they were in a restaurant.  
  
Normally, it took even the mighty Lina Inverse, heretic genius and beautiful  
mage extraordinaire a small span of time to make her way towards a source of  
abundant food--a span of, oh, approximately 0.03 seconds. Luna, though, as  
usual, outdid her in every way. There hadn't even been a whoosh or any  
other distinctively magical sound ("kerplunk"?) as they had moved--if they  
even moved at all. And the food was already all set out, and it was exactly  
what Lina wanted. To hell with the others.  
  
"Favorite," Luna nodded, as if reading her mind. She sat herself down on a  
chair and eased off her apron, folding it in a neat little bundle and  
setting it on the chair next to her. "Like Mom's cookin'. Y'know?"  
  
"Yeah..." Lina said dreamily, thinking about home for the briefest instant  
before the clinking of coins invaded the sanctuary of her thoughts. "Hey,  
look, I want some answers, and I want them now!"  
  
"Yeah! Like... tell me what you're doing to us! I'm confused..." Kiseki  
trailed off.  
  
Emmanem remained silent, the only sound coming from his mouth being that of  
a neatly-eaten bite of veal.  
  
Luna nodded vaguely and clasped her hands, looking at them in a fashion that  
suggested she may be serious--well, relatively, anyways. Slowly ruffling the  
elegant frills of her outfit upwards, she brushed the strands of hair aside  
from her face to reveal two very human eyes that were currently regarding  
all of them with a look of mild amusement.  
  
"That is a secret," she said.  
  
The two girls didn't get very far when they tried to smack her.  
  
"Will you *tell* us already?!" Lina demanded, hanging upside-down from the  
ceiling in a cocoon of flower-print magical energy.  
  
"Don't make me use the true power of Saikyouism!" Kiseki warned. *She* was  
standing right-side up... in a pile of pastel-colored pudding.  
  
"Okay," Luna said. "I'll tell ya."  
  
And she did.  
  
"... oh my God," Kiseki muttered, paling, falling silent.  
  
Lina didn't say a word. Neither did her sister.  
  
That's when Emmanem chose to speak up. "... excuse me, ladies..." he began,  
his voice cracking and wavering. "M-may I have... a word with you all?"  
  
"SHHHH!!!"  
  
"I apologize."  
  
Further silence.  
  
"Okay, that's enough of that," Lina said, glancing at the clock. Fifteen  
seconds. "Look... how are we going to deal with it?"  
  
"I don't know," Kiseki replied. "I think we should wait until Emmanem's  
taken care of first..."  
  
"... you're not going to slap a piece of tape over his mouth, are you?" Lina  
muttered warily.  
  
"Oh, no, no!" Kiseki smiled a bit shyly. "In fact... I think I want to help  
you now, Lina Inverse. Surely the Knight of Ceipheed and her sister--"  
  
"You can at least give me some proper titles," Lina grumbled.  
  
"--can help me spread the influence of Saikyou!" Kiseki finished, raising a  
forearm into the air.  
  
"... yeah."  
  
"May I speak now?" came the quiet, silky-smooth voice of Emmanem.  
  
"Yes," Kiseki nodded. "You have a lot of explaining to do... and I still  
have to take my revenge on you!"  
  
"Whatever for, Kiseki Rendahl?"  
  
She shrugged. "I don't know. I just know that I have to."  
  
"I see..." Emmanem said slowly, finding something interesting to look at on  
the ground. "I must apologize for my rude actions earlier today.... although   
the one I must apologize to is Nevv Swanson. Where is she presently?"  
  
Luna bothered to talk. "Gone," she muttered. "Gonna go find her."  
  
"Where has she gone to?" Emmy said, beginning to look worried.  
  
The Knight of Ceipheed didn't look up. "Ilyuum."  
  
[-----]  
  
/Shit. Shit shit shit./  
  
Nevv cursed as she headed towards the source... the center of it all. This  
wasn't how it was supposed to be going, damn it! Sure, she didn't plan any  
of this out--legend wasn't how people thought it was, nothing was really  
*destined* or anything; in fact, the ones behind the scenes had to work  
*damned* hard to fulfill all those rubbish Prophecies--but it wasn't  
supposed to go *this* off-course!  
  
She'd been discovered by Luna. And what's worse, Emmanem had been completely  
unstoppable by normal means. Sure, vaporizing him would've worked... but  
that idea wasn't feasible. She needed them--all of them--to complete the  
plan.  
  
Touching down, she made her way towards a seemingly-barren field that was  
oddly discolored in a strange, twisted shape. Nevv ignored the sharp twinges  
of bladefoot scratching against her legs, and pressed on, running as fast as  
she could towards a spot in the off-center of one of the patches of color...  
  
She didn't want to do this, of course. Despite everything she'd said, she  
really had grown fond of Lina (whom she'd known before that time when they  
had met--not coincidentally--on the outskirts of Scriim, under the  
'clutches' of those two Mazoku) and Emmanem (who she didn't know about at  
*all*--although she managed to deal with him adequately enough). Kiseki was  
a different matter... then again, she didn't fit into all of this. It wasn't  
about Saikyouism at all.  
  
It was all about the Ilyuums, biyatches.  
  
Beneath her feet, the ground began to flare slightly: a faint bluish-green  
marring the rich golden wheat hues of the discolored dirt against the  
verdant green grass.  
  
Nevv positioned herself on top of a completely-inconspicuous patch of dirt  
and took a deep breath. The two round highlights seemed to rise  
dramatically.  
  
/Okay... this is it,/ she thought. /I chose to do this years ago... and now,  
I'm going to do it. Ready. Here we go./  
  
The words... what were the words again? Of *course* she would get stage-  
fright at a time like this... she quickly took a slip of paper out from her  
pocket and began reading the incantation.  
  
"Maikoryu... sendoth brenne akama tokai spoo," she began. /God, this chant  
sounds stupid. Why can't mystical chants ever be short, or poetic?/  
  
The ground pulsed for a moment, the flare of bluish-green energy growing  
brighter for just a second.  
  
"Konna mansen tushela mon mmmbop... yuyu ma sennaiba inna gadda davida..."  
  
Dirt flew. Light pulsed. Beings arose.  
  
"Vajeru... vajeru on ahkai sinmothkia lop sum bugii!"  
  
Said beings slapped the snooze button.  
  
"I *said* 'lop sum bugii', you lazy bastard!" Nevv yelled. "Now get the hell  
up and do something already!"  
  
Said being destroyed the alarm clock in a blast of effervescent power, and  
slowly began to stir. And as it did so, the ground beneath Nevv--or, more  
specficially, the discolored patches of ground--began to split and rise up  
slowly, pushing itself up from the earth.  
  
"About damn time," Nevv muttered, and hopped onto one of the largest chunks  
of earth, watching as the sky began to get closer and the ground a lot  
farther.  
  
A faint whine of energy building up, the kind usually reserved for galaxy-  
destroying cannons and the like, cut through the air and resounded in Nevv's  
ears. She turned around, seeing nothing... then looked down again.  
  
Where the bits of discolored ground had lifted away (leaving a few giant  
landmasses floating in the sky like a big broken cookie), there was a bulge  
of blue-green energy.  
  
Nevv smiled.  
  
[-----]  
  
"I hope you are *satisfied*," Gary muttered, picking himself up off of the  
ground. "I know *I* am not."  
  
Ace glared at him. "How can I be satisfied? It was so despicably *hard*."  
  
"I did not know you preferred softness to turgidity," Gary replied, dusting  
himself off, not offering a hand for his former-companion. "You should have  
specified."  
  
"Softness," Ace scoffed, "is the best way into a Mazoku's heart."  
  
"Then perhaps we should pad the mountain with a soft substance, so your next  
fall will not be as harsh," Gary suggested.  
  
Ace didn't deign to reply, and looked around. The magi--and their little  
berserker friend--had escaped. This was most unpleasant.  
  
"What shall we do, Gary?" he said, already scheming up a plan. Yes... yes...  
  
Gary didn't reply.  
  
"It is rude not to respond when addressed," Ace chided him.  
  
"Run," Gary said.  
  
"What *ever* do you mean--" Then Ace saw the glow of bluish-green power in  
the distance, and what appeared to be a mass of floating islands in the sky.  
  
The amalgam was headed straight for them.  
  
"Pardon my French," Ace said. "Oh shit."  
  
[-----]  
  
Luna Inverse looked up. "Hmm."  
  
"What is it, sis?" Lina called from across the room. She and Kiseki were  
currently tending to Emmanem, who was explaining every bit of his suddenly-  
regained memory.  
  
"Probably a mosquito," Kiseki remarked, looking Emmanem over and brushing  
those oh-so-delicate blue strands of hair out of his face. Wasn't he just so  
*cute*?  
  
Luna shook her head no. "Nope. Startin'. Gotta go, *now*," she said,  
sounding a tad bit shaky. Just a tad.  
  
"Starting? ALREADY?!" Lina yelped, on her feet in a second and clad in full  
busterball-fan gear. "ALL RIGHT! I hope the Sailoon Posers win this one--"  
  
"They lost," Luna said easily, grinning. "Not th' game. Somethin' big."  
  
"... oh," Lina said, deflated. She dropped her tiny flags and big foam  
"we are #1" hand. "Damn. Well, what's this big thing, then?"  
  
"War," Luna muttered, and stared at them intently, her eyes flaring a very  
bright azure for a flash.  
  
"War? We haven't had a war for centuries!" Kiseki said. "Not since the--"  
  
"That's long ago. We're talking about here and now. And we're in the wrong  
place and running out of time." Luna looked at the other three. "C'mon.  
Let's go."  
  
"Luna Inverse... what is going to befall us? Who are we fighting?" Emmanem  
managed, standing up. He was now bandaged in a few parts of his body,  
although his hair retained its shiny, glittering sheen.  
  
Luna smirked. "Your friend," she said, waiting for them expectantly. "Don't  
hafta help. Just don't blame the end of the world on me."  
  
"... *again*?!" Lina demanded, outraged. "How *dare* she--"  
  
"She took us... for *fools*!" Kiseki fumed.  
  
The others looked at her.  
  
"What?" Kiseki muttered.  
  
"She--" Lina continued, too outraged to even speak coherently. "She--  
*used*--"  
  
"She *used* us..." Emmanem muttered, not sure how he knew but feeling quite  
sure of it. "She used us as her pawns..."  
  
"Such... such a BLATANT cliche!" Lina finally finished. "How *dare* she  
use--how she *used*--such a trite goal!"  
  
A cricket chirped loudly.  
  
"At any rate... we must stop her!" Kiseki suddenly shouted, raising one  
forearm in defiance.  
  
"Stop her... from what?" Lina blinked. "She never did anything bad to us..."  
  
"Oh, just shut up and follow us," Kiseki urged, and grabbed Lina's arm,  
ignoring the sharp yells of protest. With a snap of a finger, the four  
simply vanished from the restaurant.  
  
"Hey--HEY! You didn't pay the bill!" the manager yelled, red-faced.  
  
[-----]  
  
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com 


	8. Chapter 8

Slayers! Yoyutchi  
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)  
  
"Eat spiritual death, bizatch. Raystorm Flare!"  
  
Episode VIII: The End  
  
[-----]  
  
Some believed that the world was dominated between two forces striving for  
control, and that these two forces have long since entered a stalemate that  
is now being played out in the eternal little battles and unnamed wars  
throughout the land. A series of battles that rage on between Mazoku and  
Dragon and human, with no clear victor nor loser. Each side had its  
strengths: the Mazoku were immensely powerful, the Dragons were benevolent  
and still fairly strong, and the humans... sucked up to the Dragons.  
  
Thus, it was up to the Dragons--or, rather, a certain representative of the  
Dragons--to stick up for them ol' humans when the time came to haul their  
asses out of the fire. This certain representative just happened to be  
human, and she, conveniently enough, came straight down from the Man  
himself. The big cheese. The big boss dude. The Flare Dragon Formerly  
Reigning As Ceipheed.  
  
Luna had never been much of an active representative; or rather, Knight.  
When it came around to do her job, she did it quickly and efficiently and  
usually in a fashion that didn't beget folk songs and tales of legend. Those  
sort of affairs were left to greater beings like her boss, or the *really*  
powerful people.  
  
This time, however, she was sure of the feeling that this particular episode  
will go down in history and get her name in the history books (provided that  
the students actually got to the reading portion of their curriculum, given  
the current rate of decreasing educational interest these days) as the  
First Defender of Mankind.  
  
The ironic thing was that she was saving mankind from itself.  
  
People thought it was decided long ago that it was between a dude with a  
ruby eye, a big-assed dragon, and some mysterious mistress of bad dreams  
were the only forces to ever appear in the equation of life. They were  
wrong.  
  
In the middle of a nondescript field just outside of Scriimtu (a town that  
looked like a beaten-down version of Scriim laying to the south), Nevv  
Swanson, Knight of Ilyuum, was consummating the pact that she'd made six  
years ago.  
  
[-----]  
  
Memories were such a quirky thing, really.  
  
Nevv's life was flashing before her eyes, and it wasn't in any sort of  
figurative sense, either; she really *was* seeing it flash before her eyes.  
Maybe it was just the high-grade energy streaming at her from below, or  
maybe it was just the idea that she was about to bring forth (not  
resurrect--Ilyuum had never actually *been* in this world before, not yet)  
something that could potentially destroy the world with her own hands.  
  
Heh, funny how life turned out. She was currently in the twelve-year old  
phase of her memories, and the array of schoolwork, love letters,  
bitchslaps, and wedgies played itself before her star-filled eyes. And then  
there was a special spark as her eyes beheld the one incident when she'd  
stumbled outside of town.  
  
She had gone on the right path, as always, except this time it was  
different.  
  
The forest around her had quickly given way to unfamiliar surroundings and  
eventually become something downright frightening altogether. Nevv wasn't  
one to try her luck too much, and had turned around on the path. The weird  
thing was, even though she'd only walked a few seconds into the forest, the  
path she'd taken in was now completely gone.  
  
"Hello?" she called out nervously.  
  
The rest of that particular memory had been a haze. She only remembered a  
shine of brilliant blue light, a warm and blissful presence, and a power  
that was absolutely *throbbing* in her hands.  
  
And the goal. There was, of course, her goal.  
  
Here she was, doing it. The third force, the interloper, the variable in the  
equation of this world...  
  
The bulge of energy was taking shape now, elongating itself into something  
thinner and higher, towering over the fragmented remains of the ground that  
Nevv stood on. She felt herself changing again, like last time when she'd  
hazily spoken the word: yes. But this time... it was into something even  
more different than what she had turned into, the Knight of Ilyuum. This  
time, she was becoming... no, *Becoming*.  
  
Yeah. It was a trip, all right.  
  
When all was said and done, the energy spread itself up into the sky like a  
giant beacon screaming out "THIS IS THE PLACE TO GO FOR THE BIG FIREFIGHT  
THAT TAKES PLACE NEAR THE CLIMAX OF THE STORY". In front of the beacon was a  
solitary figure, now dressed in an obligatory skimpy suit of white cloth,  
metal lace, and silk frills acquired from Sexy Villain Ltd.  
  
Nevv paused, then smiled and shivered in... anticipation.  
  
"God damn, I'm freezing," she muttered.  
  
Or maybe it wasn't anticipation after all.  
  
[-----]  
  
Ace and Gary awoke once more from their reverie and immediately noticed that  
they were in the presence of something very powerful. As befits their status  
as Mazoku, they stood up, dusted each other off, and stumbled over to see  
what was going on.  
  
They were greeted by the skimpily-clad and big-bosomed Knight of Ilyuum.  
  
"Hey you two," Nevv called in greeting. "How's it going?"  
  
Gary blanched as Ace turned aside, his more refined senses of erotica  
utterly repulsed. "Nevv Swanson, *why* are you wearing such a ridiculous  
costume?" the former asked, smoothing the front of his somewhat-tattered  
spandex tights so that it didn't look *too* bulgy.  
  
The girl smiled brightly, and leaned against the shaft of energy behind her.  
"I don't know," she said. "I think it's a rule that all powerful beings have  
to be over half-naked and female. I'm damn dissatisfied to act as the  
cheesecake of this particular situation."  
  
"What is the rather-large shaft of energy that you seem to be leaning your  
body on?"  
  
"This?" Nevv smiled, although it was now more whimsical and cruel than  
anything else. "Oh, this baby's going to take the world by storm. Maybe you  
want to be the first volunteers?"  
  
Ace and Gary blinked.  
  
"Oop, too late," Nevv said, pointing one finger at them. The shaft of energy  
rose, flexed, and seemed to surround the girl in an unholy aura, its  
permutations and curves raging over her like the waves of an angry ocean.  
"Here. Hold this."  
  
And the energy gathered, then simply surged forth at both Mazoku in a flash  
of power that sent both of them reeling back a full twenty feet.  
  
"... ngh," Gary groaned, then slumped over the barely-corporeal body of his  
unconscious companion Ace.  
  
Nevv giggled.  
  
Wink.  
  
Nevv turned.  
  
"That's not nice," Luna said, smiling. Flanking her on both sides was Lina,  
Emmanem, and Kiseki.  
  
The last one raised one forearm up in a show of utter bullsh... defiance.  
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!" Kiseki yelled.  
  
"That's a tough one," Nevv muttered. "I think I'll fight."  
  
"...oh, shit." Kiseki glanced at Lina, who happened to be making her face  
comfortable against a slab of rock. Repeatedly. "Lina? Help? A little? Use  
that thing you did to blow up my town?"  
  
Dora-Mata sighed. "I can't believe this is happening," she mumbled, then  
gathered both hands back and began to charge a bright red-purple wave of  
energy...  
  
"Nevv Swanson... cease this madness!" Emmanem declared. "I implore you, on  
behalf of all that is decent--" He noticed her outfit. "--on behalf of all  
that is decent and fully-clothed, cease this violence!"  
  
"Oh, but I can't..." she said mournfully. "You see, I have this little pact  
that I made with some god a few years ago, and I gotta keep it, you know  
what I mean? I know, it's sudden and it sounds like a bad contrivance, but  
seriously, this has been going on for a long time. So can't we just be  
friends? I know Ilyuum'll appreciate it if you joined His side..."  
  
Emmy considered this for a very long while. Two seconds later, he shook his  
head firmly no.  
  
"I cannot support any interloper who meddles in the affairs of the powers  
that be," he said slowly. "It is not my place t--"  
  
"In other words, ya don't wanna have powers-that-wannabe butting in, eh?"  
Lina shot back. "Er, I mean: in Thy great name, I pledge myself to  
Darkness!"  
  
"... yes, Lina, I appreciate your marvellous tact and insight on this si--"  
  
"Oh, shut up and fight already! Oyaji FLARE!" With that, Kiseki took careful  
aim at Nevv and fired off an array of lights that flashed and looked very  
pretty. The lights flickered about Nevv, throwing her off-balance for the  
slightest moment... and then Luna moved in and vaporized the entire area  
around them with a deft gesture of one hand.  
  
The three others--Lina, Kiseki and Emmy--went flying. Luna remained in the  
midst of the column of power, smiling whimsically as her hair fluttered  
about, revealing the faintest glow of blue from beneath her bangs. As for  
Nevv, she managed settle down back in her spot amicably after recovering  
from the unexpected surprise of being flung a few hundred feet into the air.  
  
Knight of Ilyuum: "I thought you were supposedly anti-climactic."  
  
Knight of Ceipheed: "Sometimes. Didn't hafta meet you before."  
  
Lina stumbled up, blinking, the Dragon Slave having dissipated into a haze  
of crimson light. Kiseki and Emmy did likewise a second later.  
  
The ground beneath them suddenly gave out as the shaft of energy behind Nevv  
pulsed and streaked directly towards Luna. Bits of rock crumbled and dust  
flew. The rock gave way completely, then collapsed back down towards the  
gaping hole that was now in the middle of the land underneath them. Luna  
weaved aside; no, she simply wasn't there the next millisecond, and Nevv was  
sent packing by a large burst of red-blue energy from somewhere off to her  
right.  
  
Scrambling frantically for solid ground (*relatively* solid...), the three  
quickly managed to take refuge upon a sizable floating chunk of rock that  
hadn't been sent tumbling groundwards.  
  
The only thing that Emmanem could do was watch in silent rumination as the  
battle played itself out between the two Knights as they rebounded off of  
each other, massive bursts of power in every size, shape, and color ("A red  
phallus. Very funny, Nevv.") flying and impacting on both air and ground.  
  
The only thing that Lina could do was... stay the hell away from the parties  
involved. It's not like she was *reeeeeeally* needed in this anyways, right?  
Grumble, grumble. She also didn't want to admit that seeing her sister  
actively using magic was something that freaked her out to no end. So, she  
set out a low table, a bowl of rice, and began eating. Yooooooosh...!!  
  
The only thing that Kiseki could do was pretend to be actively involved in  
the fight, swinging punches (although neither mage was actually touching  
each other; at a certain point in the art of flinging magic at each other,  
you learn that actual physical contact is something that's too vulgarly  
simplistic to be actually used) that hit solid swathes of air and mimicking  
the complex and flowing gesticulations required to cast spells. You know,  
stuff along the lines of pointing fingers (index fingers), waving an arm,  
and yelling out the name of the spell for dramatic effect.  
  
Luna didn't like to yell. "Dragon Slave."  
  
"Wha... oh, shit, not this," Nevv realized, and quickly shifted aside before  
Luna opened her right palm, sending a blast of violent crimson power at her.  
Priding herself on having anticipated such an obvious attack, Nevv raised  
her own hand to strike the occupied Luna--not *physically*, of course, magic  
was *so* much more elegant, and even if it wasn't, it made things go boom--  
with her own magic.  
  
Nevv's spell phased directly through Luna. The Knight of Ilyuum had a full  
second to stare before she was struck dead-on by a Dragon Slave from behind.  
  
Large explosion. Rocks went tumbling down, taking the three who were sitting  
on top with them. Lina's bowl of rice ended up on top of her head.  
  
"Nevv!!" Emmanem shouted, bolting to his feet and reaching futilely with  
both arms, as if to shelter her from the impact of the Slave.  
  
Kiseki quickly reached up and tugged him back. "You can't do anything about  
this!" she pleaded. "Emmy... we must do what we have to do!"  
  
"What may that be?"  
  
Kiseki looked down. Ground. Approaching. Rapidly. "RUN AWAY!!!"  
  
[-----]  
  
"Oogh."  
  
Where the heck was she *now*?  
  
It was like before, when she'd been captured by the Disturbingly Ambiguous  
Mazoku... only this time, the darkness seemed more real, more solid, and  
less sticky. It was...  
  
She looked up. It was dark outside, wherever 'outside' was.  
  
/Kiseki Rendahl./  
  
She glanced upwards and saw more blackness. Where the *heck* was she?  
  
/I am in your mind./  
  
"What?!" she said aloud. The sound of her own shrill voice bounced and rang  
hollowly off of the walls around her, dancing back and forth in tandem  
oscillation. "Who are you?"  
  
/I am that which you refer to as 'Ilyuum'./  
  
"Oh, I get it... you're the bad guy." Kiseki stood up, then decided, what  
with the aching limbs and all, that it wasn't worth it. "What'd you do to  
Nevv? Where's Lina, and Luna, and Lara--"  
  
/Wrong story./  
  
"--er, sorry, Lina, Luna, and Emmanem?" she finished.  
  
/They are fine. I have taken this moment to approach you in your hour of  
need, to guide you and instruct you as to what the future shall hold./  
  
"Cool!" Kiseki gushed, nodding. She thought about it. "Huh?"  
  
Ilyuum repressed a mental sigh, and tried again. /I wish to aid you, Kiseki  
Umi Rendahl./  
  
"Ohhhh, no," she said, backing up and raising her hands defensively, willing  
the oyajiness to life. "Luna offered to help me last time, and look where  
that got me... so no! Now let me go and tell me where the others are! In  
that order, please."  
  
/I cannot do that just yet... for you wield a power that, even now, defies  
the dominance of the four forces of this world./  
  
"... what's that mean? You talk just like Emmy... sheesh."  
  
/Observe your hand./  
  
Kiseki did so. The energy there was a translucent pink, shining faintly in  
the darkness of the 'room'. "Yeah, it's saikyou power. So?"  
  
/Do you understand, Kiseki? Do you know what you possess?/  
  
"Um... no." She glanced around once more, fidgeting. "I have to go to the  
bathroom."  
  
/.../  
  
"I really do!" Kiseki insisted. "C'mon. It's all dark here... you can't even  
see me, right? So I'll just go behind this patch of... oogh, no, that's not  
darkness--"  
  
/*Kiseki* *Rendahl*./  
  
"What now?"  
  
/... the bathroom is to your left, down six clumps and to the right of the  
patch of *really* dark... darkness./  
  
A few minutes later, she came back. "Thanks, I needed that... where were  
we?"  
  
/Your power, Kiseki. Your power... and how you can wield it to your maximum  
potential./  
  
Kiseki blinked. "Why does that mean so much to you? Don't you have Nevv to do  
the work?"  
  
There was a flash as Kiseki's mind opened. It didn't happen of its own  
accord, nor did Kiseki herself have the knowledge to do so. Ilyuum stretched  
one nonexistant hand forth and began feeding images into her brain.  
  
"Whoa... this is cool..." she said. Flicker.  
  
Flash.  
  
"GAH!" Nevv screamed, reeling backwards as Luna shifted her arm down  
slightly. Irisdescent blue energy flared. The Knight of Ilyuum faltered, and  
then was sent flying once more as Luna moved in and delivered a blow with  
the back of her hand--or rather, the edge of a spell that was focused in a  
large orb around her hand. Panting, Nevv stumbled to her feet again, and  
coughed once or twice before lowering her gaze down to the ground once more.  
  
Luna hovered above her, a whirlpool of energy gathering almost before she  
had recovered from the previous spell. "Sorry," she said.  
  
"... huff... 'sorry'... won't cut it--AAAGHH!!!"  
  
The prone form of Nevv Swanson collapsed to the ground, still surrounded by  
the shaft of blue light that somehow seemed to protect her from what would  
have normally killed a living being nice and dead. Odd, that, since the  
Dragons did pride themselves on being the preservors of life.  
  
Luna settled on the ground, crossing her arms over her ample chest as the  
elegant garments about her fluttered to a halt. "Ceipheed's orders," she  
said simply, and fired a Burst Flare into the ground, obscuring Nevv from  
sight in a blinding explosion of white light that... that...  
  
Kiseki couldn't watch anymore, and abruptly jerked her head up, gasping with  
a fear that seemed to rack her entire being. It was almost as if she had  
*become* Nevv...  
  
"Where is she?!" she demanded, even as the darkness around her suddenly  
began to turn light, into a faint shade of azure. "What's going to happen?"  
  
/I must take my leave for now, Kiseki.../  
  
"No! Darn you, get your butt back here! You haven't explained anything to  
me!"  
  
/You will know in time./  
  
"Argh! Chouhatsu Brand!!"  
  
/.../  
  
A brief pause. /That was not necessary, Kiseki. I shall return in due  
course. But for now... the game continues./  
  
"Game...?" she murmured. "What're you talking... oh, you're gone, darn."  
  
There was a distinct sensation of someone--some*thing*, rather--mentally  
waddling out, as if a very large and very painful object was lodged in-  
between what would have been his legs. And then Ilyuum simply wasn't there  
the next moment.  
  
Neither was Kiseki.  
  
[-----]  
  
"Wake up!"  
  
"... grnk."  
  
"Stupid Kiseki, wake UP!"  
  
"... don' wanna."  
  
"Wakeupwakeupwakeup!!"  
  
"Oh, fine." Kiseki did just that, and she found herself lying on the  
outskirts of Scriimtu, in the middle of a grassy field. Next to her,  
unconscious on the ground, were the forms of Lina and Emmanem.  
  
Who the heck was just yelling at her, then?  
  
An explosion rocked the area, sending a rush of hot, dry air skimming past  
the blades of grass.  
  
Kiseki was up and about a half mile away from the field when she hazarded a  
look back. The sight of an enormous flare of blue light shaped in the form  
of a dragon's head greeted her eyes.  
  
"... I *cannot* allow this!" she said firmly to herself. "I let my hometown  
be destroyed once in the ensuing chaos of Lina Inverse... and now, I will  
not let her sister do the same to the world!"  
  
A gleaming flash of light clicked into being above Kiseki's head: a spell  
taught to her by her late and great sensei. "For love! For vengeance! And  
for truth!" she declared, shifting into a pose that was more than faintly  
reminiscent of the two Mazoku who had captured her a while ago. "I am Kiseki  
'Umi' Rendahl, master of Saikyouism! And I shall fight... for everlasting  
peace!"  
  
Kiseki was then caught in the midst of one of Nevv's spells. "AUGH!!"  
  
"Hey, neat," Luna remarked, somehow avoiding a blast of light with a deft  
turn of her neck and nothing else. "Thought you were gone."  
  
Nevv, her expression tired but determined, flung a fold of her tattered  
Evil Villain Skimpy Getup aside (there was a big flowing cape as well that  
always seemed to catch the breeze just right each time the wind came by). "I  
told you, Luna... I made that promise to Ilyuum nine years ago, and since  
then I've matured beyond my initial lolicon appeal into full-blown  
womanhood."  
  
Luna didn't say anything. For once, Nevv wasn't sure if she was stunned into  
silence or just biding her time.  
  
"You remember that promise, don't you?" she continued, smiling slightly. "In  
fact... I think that's the first time I took the left path... and you took  
the right one for the first time."  
  
"... ayep." Luna smiled faintly. "Too late now. Not gonna end up friends  
'gin. Realized my destiny."  
  
Nevv sighed. "I should've guessed. Still. You always were the stronger  
one--"  
  
"Ilyuum is not Ceipheed."  
  
"No. He's not." Nevv raised one hand, and began invoking the magics that she  
suddenly felt were always a part of her, the processes and words and  
recitation flowing through her mind with lubricated speed. "But they always  
thought He was... but I am the Knight of Ilyuum, and I *will* obey my  
Master."  
  
Luna's eyebrow perked up. "'kay. Me too." She opened her left hand, and  
infinitesmal specks of power began drawing back between her fingers,  
centering in her palm.  
  
"Trust. Denial. Devotion. Belief." Knight of Ilyuum.  
  
"....." Knight of Ceipheed. "..................."  
  
"Shatter before the light that Ilyuum and I wield... pulse that brings life,  
abyss that harbors death, stretch both expanses before my darkness and my  
light..." Nevv took a quick breath, sucked down a mouthful of Thirst-Aid,  
and continued. "...and fly forth across the space of time to vanquish them  
all! Beast, beastmaster, and master: heed my cry--OW!!!"  
  
"What the hell do you think you're doing, Nevv?" Lina demanded, setting her  
portable wind hammer aside. Both spells of both girls dissipated into  
nothing, the focus lost.  
  
Nevv sighed exaggeratingly as if she was hired to star in one of those  
cheesy daytime sitcoms that women in their forties liked to watch while  
eating BonBons straight from the can which was sitting next to a box of  
tissues left on the table for convenient tear-wiping. "I'm going to change  
this world, of course," she said. Once every hour, on the hour, twice on  
Tuesdays. Thank you, please drive thru.  
  
"What is the meaning of this?" Emmanem inquired, getting up and brushing his  
blue hair back with a smooth hand. Sparkles flitted about in the air. Nevv  
brushed the effect off.  
  
"Look, fembot, do I need to explain myself?" Nevv replied, irritated at  
having her trump card interrupted. "Listen to my words and you'll  
understand. Now excuse me, I have a spell to cast... huh?"  
  
"Go boom now," Luna whispered. She closed her fist, then opened it again--  
and this time the world around them simply turned a blinding pitch of  
white before fading into black, the last thing that any of them saw.  
  
[-----]  
  
Author's Notes: Welp--it's finally over! Yeah, the project I began as a joke  
to promote Luna Inverse has finally come to a dubiously-fun halt. Anyways,  
I'd like to thank Darkheart One for his Slayers experience, Stefan Gagne for  
writing Slayers fics and inspiring piddly little authors such as myself, and  
the people of Tokyo-3 for their support and their guidance. If you have  
anything to say about this series, feel free to emaaaAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!  
  
[Lina shows up, an irate look on her face.]  
  
[Lina]: YOU BASTARD! How can you end the story like this?! I didn't even get  
a major role! This story's about *me*, not some girl who's a cheap Neve  
Campbell knockoff!! Now get your butt back to writing, or I'll shove a Bomb  
Di Wind so far up your butt you'll be feeling it for the rest of your life!!  
  
[Kiseki]: What about me? You started with my point-of-view and now you've  
fallen in love with that tramp Nevv!  
  
I... I did *not*!  
  
[Nevv]: Well, I can't help it if I've got the goods and he's got the  
needs--OW.  
  
[Emmanem sets his mallet down.]  
  
[Emmanem]: The story is far from over, dear readers. Merely allow us to  
convince our author to finish the work so you may continue to enjoy the  
experience that is Slayers Yoyutchi.  
  
[Kiseki]: Yeah! I mean, there hasn't even been a real plot yet!  
  
[Lina]: You should see the original series...  
  
[Kiseki]: Leafie never did watch enough Slayers.  
  
All right, damn it, I get the point! _ Just give me some time to type,  
I've got so much junk to do these days--  
  
[Nevv]: Like downloading Cham-Cham porn from ABPEA?  
  
... that WASN'T funny.  
  
[Nevv]: Oh, I bet it stung like a somebitch... but then again, I'm not the  
one who has to resort to a completely fourth-wall shattering moment such as  
this one to make people laugh.  
  
[Lina looks at you.]  
  
[Lina]: Um... they're not laughing...  
  
[Kiseki]: There, now, don't cry! It's almost over!  
  
You guys are incorrigible. All right, lemme finish this damn chapter up,  
work on my homework... and then I'll reveal the rest of the plot. OKAY?!  
  
[All]: All right!  
  
[Luna]: Yay.  
  
And *you*. Remember that you're not canon. So don't come to me if I don't  
write you in enough scenes, because you're technically an original  
character.  
  
[Luna]: 'kay.  
  
[Lina]: And there was much rejoicing.  
  
[Emmanem]: May we return to the story now, dear Leaf?  
  
Sure, sure...  
  
[-----]  
  
"Oi. You're not dead."  
  
"... huh?"  
  
Lina opened her eyes and saw the face of her sister hovering over her. Her  
first response to such an act of sibling tenderness was natural.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  
  
Scrabbling to get the *hell* away, Lina managed to hit her tailbone on a bit  
of rock that was protruding out from the ground. She yelped in protest, then  
continued her attempts at fleeing as Luna looked on with an expression that  
was kind of between pity and amusement.  
  
"C'mon," Luna said, and that was when Lina noticed that the area around them  
was still flaring with the leftover traces of Luna's magic... magic that  
happened to be around them in a hemisphere that extended about a hundred  
feet in radius.  
  
Lina glanced around her in confusion. "Sis... what's going on?"  
  
"Long story. Wanna hear?"  
  
"You said that we were fighting against an evil, malevolent force known as  
Ilyuum last time!" Lina protested. "What the hell's going on now?"  
  
"Same ol' same ol'," Luna replied, grinning. "Fightin' against Ilyuum. We  
won. Time to have a lil' talk."  
  
"... with whom are we conversing?" Emmanem grumbled, picking himself up off  
of the dirt and dusting his sparkling blue hair off.  
  
"Her boss," Luna said, gesturing at the unconscious form of Nevv Swanson.  
  
"What'd you do to Nevv?!" Kiseki yelled, leaping onto Luna from behind...  
ooh, wait, that wasn't padding--owowowowow, not the lightning spell, Luna--  
  
"She's fine. Lost the battle. Too inexperienced."  
  
"I thought you were going to kill her."  
  
The Knight of Ceipheed regarded Emmanem with a look of amusement. "Nah.  
Dragons don't kill. Knights of Dragons don't either."  
  
"Are these real...?" Kiseki muttered. Squeeze. Squeeze squeeze.  
  
Luna's usually-calm disposition cracked just a tiny bit: a microscopic  
sliver in the smooth sheen of calmness. "Kiseki."  
  
The girl grinned. "Hmmmmm?"  
  
"Mono Volt."  
  
"AUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!" Clunk.  
  
"Let's go," Luna said, lowering her index finger.  
  
"Go? Where?" Emmanem wondered. He was getting that feeling of not knowing  
what the heck was going on again--why was this becoming something all-too-  
normal these days?  
  
"To see Nevv's boss," she repeated. "And mine."  
  
Blinking, Lina and Emmanem had a full half-second to wonder what the  
ramifications of that statement were before they disappeared from beneath  
the hemisphere of energy, taking the prone forms of Kiseki and Nevv along as  
well. A second after they were gone, the hemisphere itself vanished, leaving  
the dust to clear and expose a massive hole in the ground that no longer  
contained a brilliant bulge of energy as it did twenty minutes ago.  
  
[-----]  
  
There was a man standing before them. He was short, wizened, with grey hair  
that frizzled wildly around his balding head and a long grey beard that  
hinted at the mad scientist type. The robes he wore were starry and a deep  
celestial hue, not really looking like cloth but more like the fabric of the  
night sky itself. Atop aforementioned balding head, a small crown rested on  
the man's glistening pate, striking a curious incongruity between what  
appeared to be a senile old fart and a wise old king.  
  
The man raised one arm in anticipation, and a moment later, four more  
presences arrived in the space that, since they had occupied it, had finally  
acquired a name: the Between.  
  
Presences, yes, for physical appearances were trivial here in a place where  
physicalities did not exist. There was only pure thought, mind, and that  
which people called the spirit, that which existed in the astral plane. This  
was not the astral plane. It was, in fact, not even native to this world;  
the Between was a result of the merging that had been forced onto it by the  
Other. All mystical terms aside, it was a really detached place with funky  
strobe lights and black mist.  
  
Four presences. He reached, and felt who they were--in a purely consensual  
and non-vulgar fashion, of course. Lina Inverse... yes, *her*. He knew all  
about Lina Inverse already. What's this? Jukaara... he was not from here. He  
was one of the Other's... no matter. Lack of knowledge implies temporary  
lack of threat. Moving on, here was a most interesting one... Kiseki 'Umi'  
Rendahl... a wildcard in a game of variables. Yes. And lastly, there was...  
  
/Hi. Care for a spot of tea?/  
  
... yes, that's Luna, all right.  
  
And then another presence joined them--a familiar one to both Luna and the  
old man. This one had a strong mental appearance as well... that of a young,  
sturdy man with tanned skin, fair blond hair, and blue eyes, garbed in what  
was little more than a t-shirt with ripped sleeves and blue jeans.  
  
Nevv finally came to, and looked up. And realized. /Oh... my... God.../  
  
/That is I,/ Ilyuum replied.  
  
Both men turned to look at the four before them.  
  
/Welcome to the Between,/ said Ceipheed.  
  
[-----]  
  
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com 


	9. Chapter 9

Slayers! Yoyutchi  
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)  
  
Disclaimer: There *is* a lemon scene in this chapter. It's short, but it's  
definitely there. So don't read further until you can legally do so. Oh, and  
once again, don't sue me. The phone is your friend.  
  
"I'm a little teapot, short and stout... screw this. DIE!"  
  
Episode IX: Between the Between  
  
[-----]  
  
"The Between...?" Kiseki wondered in that obligatory-curious voice pending a  
length explanation.  
  
Ilyuum nodded in time with Ceipheed. "We are in a place that is beyond that  
which is beyond. A place where both realms, the world which you know and the  
world that we call the Outer, join in a fashion that defies physical detail  
and experience."  
  
"It also has a really nice bathroom," Kiseki added helpfully.  
  
"... well, yes." Ceipheed managed to look upwards at all of them for a brief  
moment before taking over the speech. "And now that you are here, we shall  
explain why you are here. Luna, please explain."  
  
Luna nodded, and snapped her fingers, making sure Nevv was wide-awake for  
this part. The Dicleary filtered over the girl quickly, then somehow goosed  
her on the butt. With a yelp, Nevv sat straight up, glaring at the smiling  
Luna.  
  
"While back. Somethin's comin' this way. My boss and her boss made a bet.  
Gotta see who's strongest, y'know? So after we fulfilled all the conditions,  
we came back. S'all."  
  
Lina blinked. "*What*?! That doesn't explain a damn thing!" she retorted,  
before remembering that this *was* Luna here... eep.  
  
"... I'll explain it," Nevv said resignedly, shifting her formerly-skimpy  
outfit into her usual billowy mages' robes and corset. "I was pretty much  
misleading you the whole time, unlike Luna, who just went for the confusing  
approach... so I figure I owe you a bit of an explanation."  
  
"Please continue, Nevv Swanson," Emmy agreed quietly.  
  
She sighed, and began. "Nine years ago was when the Other decided to try and  
force his way into this realm. The Other... is a powerful deity that rules  
the inverse side of the world. I can't really describe how it is... you're  
either there, or you're here in the Between or back in the real world."  
  
"Oh, so there *is* a big bad villain behind all this," Lina said  
triumphantly. "I was beginning to think I'd never be able to destroy  
anything!"  
  
"Well, Lina, that's the problem here. The Outer world doesn't work like ours  
in the fact that we can't use magic there. The forces that we summon and  
call upon don't exist in the Outer."  
  
Lina gaped. "Whhaaaaaat? ... but... but that's..." she sputtered.  
  
"I think the word you're looking for is 'bad'," Nevv added, although her  
usual wryness was muted. "At any rate... as the Other was trying to come  
through, something came first."  
  
"His *butt*?" Kiseki pitched in.  
  
Pause. That one had just come out of left field.  
  
"... no." Nevv adjusted her corset, and the familiar bounce returned for a  
brief moment. "Ilyuum."  
  
"That is I," Ilyuum agreed. "We meet with you here now in a physical form,  
but I assure you, this is not even close to our true appearance."  
  
"So what's this got to do with us?" Kiseki asked.  
  
"There was a propisition that Ilyuum and Ceipheed made nine years ago,  
before my boss had to lay low to avoid being detected," Nevv continued.  
"Basically, both forces sent out their Knights to perform certain tasks--and  
I'm sure you know what they are by now."  
  
"Blowing up my hometown?!" Kiseki wailed.  
  
"Making me wander around the countryside without knowing what the hell was  
going on?" Lina said.  
  
"Erasing... my complete identity...?" Emmanem whispered.  
  
"NO!" Nevv yelled irritably. "It was to see who could beat each other,  
basically... I had the three of you on my team, and..." She slapped one hand  
against her forehead. "... and Luna creamed our asses like red-headed  
stepchilds. Oh, this *sucks*..."  
  
Luna grinned.  
  
"My Knight has my spirit," Ceipheed said sagely. "She has worked for me for  
all of her life... in fact, she has devoted her life to be under my service.  
While you are young and spirited, Nevv Swanson, you chose the service of a  
fledgling deity... and as such, you paid the consequences of inexperience."  
  
Nevv's shoulders slumped. "Yeah, yeah, don't remind me."  
  
"So, now what? Luna won this proposition, so whadda we get?" Lina said,  
hoping it would be some sort of rare spell or a lifetime's supply of  
chocolate.  
  
"You have the task of venturing into the Outer and destroying the Other,"  
Ilyuum said.  
  
"Whaaaat?! And just why do we have to do this?" Lina demanded. At least a  
*meat* bun of some sort...  
  
Ceipheed looked at her with a grave expression set on his wrinkled face.  
"The Other wishes to conquer this world," he began.  
  
"So does everyone else! What makes him so special!"  
  
"If he were to breach the Between and step into our world--the Inner,"  
Ilyuum began, "we would not be able to stop him."  
  
Lina groaned. Of *course* there had to be one of those types... "So how are  
we supposed to stop him? Nevv just said we can't use magic in the Outer."  
  
"That is correct," Ceipheed agreed. "But you have a few resources at your  
disposal."  
  
He gestured to Kiseki. "First of all, this young girl's power does not draw  
from any of the gods or beings in the Inner," he said. "Apparently, she is  
the practitioner of a strange form of magic she dubs 'Saikyouism'... we do  
not know how it is generated, or what it entails. Nevertheless, this power,  
being of something completely other-worldly, can be of use to you in the  
Outer."  
  
"But..." Nevv protested. "But... she's a *wuss*."  
  
"Any help is better than none, Nevv Swanson. You should know this from your  
learning." Ilyuum looked up reproachfully at her. "Perhaps this was the  
reason you lost to Luna Inverse."  
  
Luna grinned again.  
  
"Arrrgh."  
  
Ceipheed continued. "Second... we have one of the Other's men standing--or  
rather, crouching--before us. I believe you refer to him as... Emmanem,  
although his true name..."  
  
"Jukaara," Emmanem said quietly, brushing blue hair back to reveal glinting  
eyes that, for a moment, bore pure, unbridled malice. "My name is Jukaara."  
  
"... when'd you get your memory back?" Kiseki muttered.  
  
The man gazed down at the ground sullenly. "It was when I become the monster  
that our race is known for transforming into when emotionally upset and  
physically injured," he whispered. "The flood of memories struck me with a  
resounding wave of thought, and I..."  
  
"I understand," Kiseki said gently, placing her hand on his shoulder. "Well,  
actually, I might not, but... I can sympathize, right?"  
  
"... I suppose so," Emmanem conceded. "Please. Call me Emmanem. I do not  
wish to be associated with a name that has only caused pain."  
  
Biting back a remark, Nevv placed her hands akimbo and turned towards her  
boss. "That may be all and good, but you really don't expect us to defeat  
the Other with a half-assed mage and a random berserker, do you?" she said.  
  
"Luna will be your leader," Ceipheed said firmly, not acknowledging the  
question of someone who was obviously not worthy to be a decision-maker.  
"Follow her guidance, and you shall succeed."  
  
"I'm sure we will." It was impossible to tell if Nevv was being sarcastic or  
not.  
  
Ilyuum smiled at them, and nodded. "Nevv Swanson... I thank you graciously  
for all that you have done for me. I will continue to support you, until the  
Other is vanquished, and afterwards as well. May the Light be everpresent in  
your soul."  
  
Nevv didn't say a word.  
  
"And may the wisdom of the dragons bring you much joy and understanding,"  
Ceipheed nodded.  
  
"Wait!" Lina protested. "You didn't answer her question! How *are* we going  
to defeat--"  
  
The two deities vanished.  
  
"C'mon," Luna said, getting up off of the wall of dark she'd been leaning  
on. "Let's go. Gotta plan."  
  
Without waiting for an affirmative or a negative, all five of them vanished  
from the Between.  
  
Time passed.  
  
More time passed. An errant tongue of blackness flitted by.  
  
"You owe me fifty gold, Ilyuum."  
  
"I *knew* I should not have made such an obvious sucker bet."  
  
[-----]  
  
Outside the now-desecrated fields of Scriimtu was a comfortable, cozy little  
establishment known as the "Rising Sun Tavern". This was where the party  
known as the Otherkillers were making their residence currently. Around the  
now-messy dinner table were four youths whose sole mission was, currently,  
to protect the world from devastation--wait a minute, damn Mazoku...  
  
Luna managed to set down a tray of fried chicken only to have half of it  
devoured almost instantaneously by her sister and Kiseki. Leaning against  
the wall, she began to look each and every one of them over. Slowly. Coolly.  
In that "I know something you don't, nah ni nah ni naaaaah niiiii" fashion.  
  
"Whur che lookr' a'?" Lina managed.  
  
The older Inverse's smile turned into a grin. "C'mon. Let's talk."  
  
Lina managed to somehow stick a tongue that was not laden with bits of food  
particles out at her. "R'm eatin'," she mumbled.  
  
"Waitin'."  
  
The meal continued in silence, as if Luna's contribution to the conversation  
had managed to cut in directly where the electrical outlet was. A few  
minutes and hors d'ouevres later, Nevv simply stood up, dabbed her mouth  
with a napkin, and flounced upstairs without so much as a word.  
  
Emmanem looked up from his plate of veal and butter garlic, worried. "Excuse  
me, ladies..." he said, wiping his hands clean. "I have some matters to  
speak--"  
  
"Emmy, hang on," Kiseki interjected, smiling. "Lemme try. I think what Nevv  
needs right now is a... girl's touch, if you know what I mean."  
  
"I understand, Kiseki Rendahl... please, try not to upset her. This is a  
very trying time for all of us."  
  
The girl nodded. "I'll have her smilin' a chou yoyutchi in no time!" she  
promised, and bounded upstairs.  
  
"... I worry about her," Emmy confessed, looking back at the Inverses.  
  
"Yeah, well, you're not the only one," Lina muttered through a mouthful of  
food again--a dialect which, for the sake of the author's ease, shall not be  
duplicated another time. "She is a complete *weird* ass. And I still have  
the taste of that damn sticker on my lips."  
  
"I was referring to Nevv Swanson," the man whispered.  
  
"... oh."  
  
An hour later, Lina finished her light meal and looked up. "Um... I think I  
have to go to sleep... I feel *reeeally* tired," she said hastily, striding  
up the stairs.  
  
"Nope. Gotta talk now." Luna reached over and both disappeared in a flash of  
azure light.  
  
Sighing, Emmanem slumped down in his seat as the waitresses began to clean  
up the table.  
  
[-----]  
  
"Nevv?"  
  
"Go away."  
  
Kiseki gently knocked on the door again. "Nevv, c'mon, let me in. It's me,  
Kiseki."  
  
"I *know*. Why do you think I'm not letting you in?"  
  
"Nevv, look, let me in, or I'll blow this door off."  
  
There was a faint sound of someone dry-heaving. "Okay, that just about  
ruined my dinner, which is now coming back up... thanks."  
  
"Can I come in, then?"  
  
"All *right*! Geez."  
  
Nevv was sitting down at the foot of her bed, changed into a voluminous  
white robe that trailed down to her knees. Kiseki came in, and closed the  
door behind her gently, then sat down next to her, placing one hand on her  
shoulder. Yes, her shoulder. You greedy pervs.  
  
"Tell me what's wrong, Nevv," Kiseki crooned gently.  
  
Nevv groaned. "You bimbo, if you don't know what's wrong by now, you are  
officially the stupidest person I've ever had the displeasure of meeting."  
  
"Hey, you don't have to be so rude!" Kiseki said with a hmph. "Geez, I'm  
trying to *help* you here."  
  
"Look..." Nevv glanced around. "You can't. I failed, and that's that."  
  
"Oh, *come* on!" Kiseki scoffed. "I know that you aren't a master of  
Saikyouism like I am--"  
  
"Thank Ilyuum."  
  
"--but the very first lesson in life is simple," Kiseki continued. "And that  
lesson is: FAILURE! It is a part of everything! It's you. It's me. It's  
everything! If you do things, you will fail! And horribly! And you should  
get used to it! So, Nevv..."  
  
"You--are--*not*--making--me--feel--better," Nevv said through gritted  
teeth.  
  
Kiseki blinked. "I was just reciting the philosophy of the Saikyou school  
of magic..." she said mournfully.  
  
"I know. Maybe that's why you nev--oh, screw this." Nevv collapsed onto her  
bed, closing her eyes. Kiseki's gaze traced invariably down to the curve of  
the woman's chest... up, and down, and up, and down, and--GAH.  
  
Instead, she chose to lean down next to her. "Nevv... c'mon, we need you in  
our group. Don't leave us! We won't be able to beat the Other without the  
Knight of Ilyuum."  
  
"We can't beat the Other anyways," Nevv muttered. "How can we do that when  
we have no magic on our side?"  
  
"Well... there's the power of Saikyouism..."  
  
Nevv reached over to smack her. Kiseki managed to duck.  
  
"Anyways, Nevv. I have one last thing here that might convince you."  
  
"Oh?" Nevv smirked. "What would that be?"  
  
Kiseki began unbuttoning the top buttons to her armor. "Let me show you."  
  
[-----]  
  
Lina and Luna appeared outside the tavern in a flicker-flacker of lights.  
  
"--and I think I need to take a shower," Lina finished belatedly, before  
noticing that she was in the middle of the night again. "Crap."  
  
Luna leaned against the wall, her smile almost-there, but not there-there.  
She paused for a moment--dramatic effect--and spoke. "'m givin' it to ya,"  
she said.  
  
"Huh? Giving what? Gold? Food?"  
  
"My place," Luna said, her voice suddenly rich and flowing, a tone usually  
reserved for important circumstances, like when the world was about to be  
destroyed, or when time/space was at a halt. "Sis, I know that we haven't  
been able to talk much. But there's some things I really have to get done  
now before anything else happens to us."  
  
"Um... this... isn't about the..." Lina said queasily.  
  
Luna grinned. "Nope," she said, falling back into her old way of speaking  
for a moment before getting a hold of herself. "Look. Number one, it didn't  
matter all that much to me... I wasn't gonna kill you or anything. And  
number two..."  
  
"Yeah?" Lina could feel the sweat beading on her brow, despite the cool air  
wafting around in a gentle breeze.  
  
"... I'm proud of you, sis," Luna said slowly. "Probably don't show it too  
much... in fact, we don't even see each other that often. But you're a great  
sorceroress, Lina."  
  
/She... she pronounced it,/ Lina thought. /Sorceroress. No one's been able  
to say that before about me./ "Um... thanks, Luna," she squeaked awkwardly.  
"I think."  
  
"So, it's because of this that I entrust you with the responsibility to  
venture into the Outer and defeat the Other," Luna finished.  
  
"Oh, thanks, Luna--HEY!!!" Lina glanced sharply at her. "You're kidding,  
right?!"  
  
"Nope," Luna grinned, reverting to her usual clipped words that passed for  
conversations. "Got things to do. Hafta deal with Mazoku. Be seein' ya."  
  
"Waitwaitwaitaminute!" The younger Inverse scrambled towards Luna, clutching  
for her arm. "I don't know anything about this 'Outer' and 'Other' business!  
*You're* the Knight of Ceipheed, and you won the proposition! ... and does  
Ceipheed even know about this?!"  
  
"S'cool," Luna tossed off casually. "Ceiphey gives me the goals. I do 'em my  
way."  
  
"... I see," Lina said quietly. "So you're dumping all this onto me?"  
  
The older Inverse paused in turning away, and glanced backwards for a  
moment. "Not really," she said. "Think of it as doin' somethin' important.  
Y'know?"  
  
"What do you mean by that?"  
  
"Ah." Luna grinned. "That is a secret."  
  
"ARRRRGHHHH!!!"  
  
By the time Lina flung the spell, Luna was already not there anymore.  
  
[-----]  
  
He had to think. Now that they were committed to this goal, they were going  
to have to work together--a miracle, given the members of the motley crew  
that Ceipheed and Ilyuum had decided on. Emmy was positive that, as one of  
the Others, he'd be able to score a few solid hits on the Other; but as for  
Lina, she could only use her sword, and as skilled (or unskilled--he'd never  
really seen her in action aside from big-assed magic blasts) as she was, the  
blade would do little against a being that was essentially solid metal... or  
whatever the Other was. He had precious little experience and memories of  
that place.  
  
Kiseki... he knew how much use she'd be. Moving right along...  
  
Nevv. He was worried sick about her. She appeared to be extremely  
downhearted at dinner, and then there had been that silent retreat to her  
room... something was up. He'd wanted to talk to her, but here Kiseki just  
barged her way in, carrying something bulging underneath her hands. Emmanem  
had paid the things little mind; the fact that she had just gone and done it  
made him upset.  
  
Still. Manners had to be kept. They were in this together, after all. If  
Kiseki managed to cheer Nevv up as she claimed she would, then all's for the  
better.  
  
Lina strolled in, looking almost as dejected as he was.  
  
"Good evening, Lina Inverse," he said. "Are you planning to sleep?"  
  
The young girl sighed. "Look... I can't," she said. "I got a lot of things  
to think over."  
  
"I understand." Emmanem gestured to the seat next to him. "Perhaps you can  
join me. We seem to be in an oddly-similar situation."  
  
"How's that?"  
  
Emmanem would've replied, but he was cut off by a loud moan of "mmmm!" from  
upstairs.  
  
For the next few days, both Lina and Emmy's jaws had to be treated with  
ointment. Contact with the pavement seemed to cause minor bruises and some  
scratches.  
  
[-----]  
  
"Mmm..." Kiseki moaned, slurping the juices up into her oh-so-eager mouth.  
Pursing her lips, she flicked her tongue out and began lapping rhythmically  
at the soft inside of it.  
  
Mimicking the movements, Nevv also began to hesitantly lap the thing in  
front of her: slowly at first, then with increasing frequency and confidence  
as she felt the taste spread down her tongue, a tangy, sour bite that was  
somehow both pleasurable and disgusting at the same time. She was *imbibing*  
the juices of... of...  
  
/I can't do this,/ she thought. /But... it tastes so *good*.../  
  
Kiseki turned her head to look at Nevv. "Don't... stop," she whispered,  
her expression smiling even as her mouth was obscured by the thing.  
  
"I won't," Nevv replied, and continued to suck, more eagerly now. She was  
really starting to get into this... and despite what anyone else said, this  
really *was* a lot of fun!  
  
Long moments passed, moments that were only filled with the sounds of  
fluid-slurping and lip-smacking. Finally...  
  
"Ooohhh, YES! YES!"  
  
Kiseki threw her head back, as she felt a wave of pure sweetness and joy  
rush through her in an ineffably-powerful surge of physical sensation.  
Simultaneously, Nevv ceased the sucking for a brief moment before she felt  
the same feeling rip through her as well, causing her entire body to tremble  
in the throes of a powerful shudder.  
  
Nevv grinned. "That was better than I thought."  
  
"See?" Kiseki admonished. "I *told* you that they were good. You didn't  
believe me!"  
  
"Well, yeah, excuse me," Nevv muttered. "I thought that sucking lemons was  
kind of... well, *weird*."  
  
Kiseki shook her head no vigorously. "Oh, no, no... lemon-sucking is great  
to relieve stress. Plus, there's that final zip of taste that just gets to  
you... right?"  
  
"Yes, I suppose so."  
  
"You know that Hibiki-sensei (may he live forever) taught me that as the  
third lesson?" Kiseki went on, tucking the extra lemons back in the  
compartment in her chestplate and rebuttoning it. "He always said that life  
was like a student of Saikyouism with a lemon in his hand: it sucks! And  
then he would tell me to give him more money..."  
  
"Yes, this is very fascinating, Kiseki, but I really do need to get to sleep  
sometime this century," Nevv said, her usual wryness back. "So if you  
please... leave my room? The others might end up thinking we're having sex  
or something."  
  
Kiseki giggled. "Okay, Nevv... nice to see you feeling better." With that,  
she closed the door gently behind herself and walked down.  
  
[-----]  
  
"HOW COULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER?!" Lina screamed.  
  
"I didn't!" Kiseki cried out, glancing at the irate faces before her. Geez,  
it was just sucking lemons...!  
  
"We heard the two of you moaning in ecstasy from down here," Emmanem said  
grimly, his usual look of calmness now tight with anger. "Explain yourself,  
Kiseki Rendahl."  
  
The Saikyou mage sighed. "We were sucking lemons. I was trying to cheer her  
up, and it worked! You know that lemons are sour, right, so that's why she  
was moaning, and--"  
  
"Oh, that's *so* believeable," Lina scoffed.  
  
Emmanem merely sighed. "If you wish to favor yourself with Nevv Swanson,  
Kiseki, this is hardly a way to go about doing so."  
  
"I am *not*--oh, you're impossible! It's not like I'm a thespian or  
anything, right?" Kiseki beamed. "When have I given any indication towards  
that?"  
  
Dead silence.  
  
"Okay, so don't answer me! Fine!" Harrumphing once more, Kiseki turned to go  
back upstairs. "Geez, the never of some people..."  
  
Sighing, Lina sat back down on her couch and stretched herself out with a  
wide yawn.  
  
"I do believe that this poses a slight problem..." Emmanem said, already  
pondering for a way to win his way back into Nevv's heart.  
  
"You have no idea." Lina grabbed a pillow and shoved it underneath her neck  
to prop herself up. "Luna just dumped the whole shbang on me."  
  
"... what do you mean?" Emmy inquired carefully. This could be bad. Very  
bad.  
  
"It *means* that she's ditched us, and now I'm the one who's gonna give the  
commands," Lina groaned. Normally, she would've relished the chance at  
leadership--it was only right that the heretic genius herself take lead of a  
ragtag group such as this one! Then again... it'd been kinda weird to have  
the whole thing shoved onto you by Luna, of all people.  
  
"Where is Luna?" he continued slowly.  
  
Lina flung the pillow at his head. "Geez, I just said she left!" she yelled.  
"Weren't you listening?!"  
  
"My... mind was distracted," Emmy confessed. "Forgive me, Lina Inverse."  
  
"Yeah, yeah."  
  
"... what shall we do, then?"  
  
"I dunno. I'll sleep on it. G'night."  
  
Emmanem flinched visibly, and sighed. "Good night, Lina Inverse," he said,  
and headed upstairs to his room.  
  
On the couch, Lina remained wide awake, huddled into a pseudo-fetal  
position. She'd be awake for the next few hours, when Nevv came down to get  
a drink.  
  
[-----]  
  
Aliza O'Clure didn't care much for today. Today, actually, had been a bad  
day for them all... the Faction had discovered another piddly group of  
resistance members, and as per procedure, she was forced to take them to the  
Other to be sentenced.  
  
Of course, she knew perfectly well what the sentence was going to be; still,  
the sheer intimidation factor of being judged by the Other Himself was what  
set an example, causing other resistance members to quake in their  
collectively-inexpensive shoes at the horror of their friends' demise.  
  
She didn't like doing it, not at all. But there was a line that had to be  
drawn, and she couldn't have the entire race rebelling against the Other. He  
wouldn't like that.  
  
Flipping the page, Aliza began filling out the second page of the report for  
the records. It was tedious work, but a record of each and every bust that  
the Committee made helped fuel the system and keep the reign going. After  
all, a *proper* reign of terror had to have... well, a healthy (or  
unhealthy, as the case may be) dose of terror.  
  
Terror would be the look in their eyes as they saw her open her hand and  
summon energy forth--an act that should have been impossible, given the way  
the Other decreed...  
  
"... that's... that's *impossible*!" one of them had screamed. "How are you  
doing this?!"  
  
"My power is that of the Other," she had said. "He surrounds me and  
strengthens me. Goodbye."  
  
And then the Null Flare had burst to life in the midst of the group,  
consuming almost all of them in a singular swirl of dark power.  
  
It was more than an unfair advantage; it was a breach of rules in the entire  
Outer world. But the Other never did play by rules...  
  
There was a thought. Not her own, since those didn't exist anymore, outside  
of what she'd been taught--but that of her Master.  
  
/Remember what I told you nine years ago?/  
  
Aliza blinked. /Of course not,/ she replied in a mental tone that was  
completely devoid of any sarcasm or wit. /That was nine years ago. We update  
memories each year and delete obsolete ones./  
  
/Yes. I realize this. It is of little consequence... for they are coming./  
  
/... who is 'they'?/  
  
The Other reflected briefly on the disadvantages of having a loyal servant  
who was automatically brainwashed every year. /'They' are the ones who would  
come to my realm, the Outer, and challenge me in the name of the fool,  
Ilyuum./ He rumbled slightly, and Aliza felt the tremors run through her own  
body as if it was herself that was shivering. Technically, it *was* her now,  
but...  
  
/I see. Am I to destroy them?/ The thought, like all others, provoked only  
one feeling within her: the lack of one.  
  
/Yes. Yes, that would be most appreciated, my loyal servant./  
  
Aliza stood up. "How many of them are there in number?" she said into the  
air.  
  
/There are five./  
  
"Shall I gather support, then?"  
  
/Yes. I do not want you to fail me. Muster up as many troops as you need. I  
give you full jurisdiction, Aliza... my Knight./  
  
The Knight of Other--if such a term could be used, since not even she  
thought that highly of herself--nodded. "It will be done," she said, and  
turned towards the barracks of the building to proceed with her orders.  
  
[-----]  
  
"She left, hm?"  
  
Lina nodded. "Yeah... and now I'm supposed to go through with all this."  
  
"Well..." Nevv began coyly. "You *can* always turn the responsibility over  
to me."  
  
"And have you screw up again? Hah!" Lina proclaimed confidently, sitting up  
momentarily on the couch. "Look, Nevv, I can do this. I just need your  
support, all right?"  
  
"I'll give you my support, Lina," said Nevv, "because I'm obviously not  
competent enough to be leader, right?"  
  
"Well, duh. Then again, you *did* give sis a pretty good fight."  
  
"... I suppose so." Nevv sighed, and took another sip of water from her  
glass. "I'd rather talk about this tomorrow, if you don't--"  
  
"Nevv." The interruption was quiet, but solid.  
  
"What?"  
  
Lina smiled. "Good night," she said.  
  
"... good night," Nevv replied after a pause. Taking cup of water in hand,  
she wandered back upstairs, her footfalls making a fading series of thumps  
on the wooden surface of the staircase.  
  
A few minutes later, still curled up on the couch, Lina Inverse fell asleep.  
  
[-----]  
  
/You went through with it./  
  
/Yep./  
  
/How was her reaction?/  
  
/Typical. But I know she can handle it./  
  
/You place much confidence in her, my Knight./  
  
/Yep./  
  
/What if she was to fail?/  
  
There was a faint curling of muscle that denoted a slight, sly smile on the  
part of the confident one. /Nah. She won't./  
  
/... I am not one to doubt your service, my Knight, but even so... you place  
the fate of our world upon one who is unfamiliar with the workings of gods./  
  
/Took down Shabby. 'member?/  
  
If gods could sigh, even in a noncorporeal form, he would have done so now.  
/Yes, I do. Forgive my doubts, Luna./  
  
/Hey, s'cool. Gods all have their lil' problems./  
  
/What do you plan to do now, then?/  
  
Another faint curling of muscle. /Gotta talk ta Xelloss./  
  
/I see. Fare you well, my Knight./  
  
/Word up./  
  
[-----]  
  
In the morning, Lina would have realized something. Unfortunately, she was  
fast asleep, so her mind was busily running through an array of pretty  
bananas, flowers, and roast turkeys.  
  
It was when Kiseki, Nevv, and Emmanem came down that she was rudely awakened  
by a sound smack to the shoulder on the part of the great Saikyouism mage  
herself, Kiseki 'Umi' Rendahl.  
  
"So!" Lina said, dusting her hands clear of the Fireball. "Are we ready to  
go?"  
  
"Might as well." "We are ready, Lina Inverse." "... ow."  
  
"All right!" Lina said, thrusting one fist into the air and pointing at the  
sky. "Let's do it!"  
  
Cue silence reserved for comical interlude.  
  
"You nit," Nevv said abruptly. "Only Luna and I know the incantation to get  
into the Outer. You may want to, oh, I don't know, *ask* me to do it before  
posing up another storm?"  
  
Lina paused, then lowered her arm and wheeled around. "Okay, Nevv," she said  
amiably. "Please recite the spell to get us into the Outer."  
  
"Hold on." Nevv slowly gestured towards the space in front of her, summoning  
forth a brief rush of air that--  
  
--sent her spinning up into the air through the roof in a gout of dirt--  
  
Landing back on the ground, Nevv glanced up to see Lina's grinning face.  
"G'wan, keep reciting," said Dora-Mata.  
  
Grumbling, Nevv started over, summoning forth a brief rush of air that  
quickly spun out and resolved into a vacuum of energy that simply reached  
out and grabbed the four of them, spiralling them into another world  
entirely.  
  
[-----]  
  
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com 


	10. Chapter 10

Slayers! Yoyutchi  
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)  
  
"..........."  
  
Episode X: The Outer Limits  
  
[-----]  
  
"Aliza."  
  
A soft, but stoic voice behind her. She turned around, and came face-to-face  
with a tall, ruggedly-handsome man who appeared to be roughly the same age  
as she was, with flowing black hair and eyes that seemed to resonate as one  
with the smooth bodysuit that she was wearing.  
  
The man placed a hand on her shoulder. "Are you going to be fine?" he said,  
more than a trace of concern in that soft, stoic voice.  
  
"Yes." The reply was short and simple, once more leaving any hint of what  
the speaker may have been feeling at the time completely aside.  
  
"I don't want you to go into this so methodically," he said. "The Inners are  
strong on their world, and even here, they may retain a portion of that  
power. It would be best to avoid any unnecessary skirmishes."  
  
Aliza didn't turn. "That is impossible," she said flatly. "The Other is all  
that is here. The gods of the Inner have no power where He resides."  
  
"Perhaps..." the man said dubiously, eyeing her once more: the smooth,  
clinging bodysuit, the small, waifish body, the empty eyes--or maybe they  
weren't empty, but simply... masked.  
  
"Kikouo. I will do my best." Slowly, she lifted his hand and let it settle  
at his side. "I trust in the power of the Other."  
  
Kikouo Mezama nodded slowly, then silently made his way back into the  
shadows without so much as a sound.  
  
After he had left, Aliza turned into the barracks and flipped on a switch on  
the side of the wall, turning the intercom system on.  
  
"Gather, men," she said into the microphone, her voice echoing throughout  
the base. "The emissaries of the Inner are approaching. We will meet them in  
combat, and destroy them."  
  
[-----]  
  
"... if you *please*, Ryona Inverse, do remove your hand from my--" Emmy  
Masaki began.  
  
"Awwww... Emmy..." Ryona crooned, grinning mischievously. "You mean you  
don't like it?"  
  
"It is not my like or dislike that matters here, Ryona," Emmy sighed. "Any  
measure of common decency dictates that placing a hand on someone's--"  
  
He was fortunately cut off once more, and in the purely literary sense.  
"Unhand him at once, Ryona Inverse!" yelled Aeseki Jurendahl. "Or else I'll  
have to mock you into the next century!"  
  
"Like you puny little magic could do anything," Ryona boff--er, scoffed.  
"Look, *Princess*, why don't you just go off and blow yourself up into the  
air? You seem to be real good at that."  
  
Emmy smiled nervously. Situation... deteriorating... "Ladies, if you please.  
An argument is the last thing we need in this situation."  
  
"Oh yeah?" Aeseki snapped. "*You* just wanna bag both of us, don't you?"  
  
That one was met with dead silence.  
  
The silence was broken as an irate Nevvone Makibi took a hammer and smashed  
the reality around them, trying again.  
  
[-----]  
  
"What the hell was that?"  
  
Nevv sighed, and flattened the front of her robes again with a bounce and a  
trounce. "Sorry, Lina. Apparently, I miscalculated and we ended up landing  
in some place that wasn't the Outer."  
  
Lina made a moue. "Are we there yet?" she said.  
  
"Yes."  
  
They looked around. The world wasn't as dark and grim as they'd expected it  
to be; in fact, the Outer looked nothing like an apocalyptic, grim society  
under the control of a tyrannical god; probably because it *wasn't* an  
apocalyptic, grim society under... you get the point. Buildings, high and  
sky-scraping, surrounded the landscape, lining up against each other in  
tight, interwoven patterns of randomness. Here and there, carriages that ran  
without the use of horses scurried about, eerily silent in their progress.  
And overhead, there was the faint, but unmistakeable sound of something very  
large flying by.  
  
Kiseki grinned. "Man, this is cool," she bubbled, taking out a small  
portable camera and raising it to her face. "Hey, Lina, can we go to the  
merry-go-round later--ack!"  
  
"This is *not* a time for fun and games!" Lina snapped, snatching the camera  
from Kiseki's hands.  
  
"Geez, since when have you been so serious?"  
  
She really didn't have anything to say to that, because she hadn't thought  
about it. Handing the camera back to Kiseki, Lina turned back around and  
regarded the landscape once more, Raywinging up for a better view.  
  
/Let's see.../ she mulled, taking in the sights from her vantage point of  
five hundred feet or so in the air. /There's some more buildings, an army  
the size of Mongolia headed straight for us, buildings--ooh, flying plane,  
almost got hit by that one, what *are* those odd little carriages running  
around like that...?/  
  
"Lina Inverse!" came the faint voice of Emmanem. "Do you see anything?"  
  
"Yeah, just an army!" she yelled back, trying to pin down the location of a  
building in the distance that seemed to be made of some sort of expensive  
material, like gold and obsidian from the way it was shining...  
  
"An army?!" Nevv shouted. "How big?"  
  
Lina swooped back down, shrugging, a familiar predatory grin spreading on  
her face. "Not too big," she said, rolling up her sleeves, for it was time  
to kick bubblegum and chew ass. "About a few thousand."  
  
"What?!" Kiseki wailed. "Wh... what're we going to do?"  
  
"Hah!" The flat young girl went into full panoramic motion. "I'll simply use  
a Dragon Slave and nuke them all into oblivion. Simple as that. Then we can  
go find this Other dude, and nuke him too until he glows."  
  
"Evil villains usually have their own aura of incandescence," Emmy pointed  
out.  
  
"Whatever."  
  
Nevv poked Lina, and not-too-gently either, in the area where it hurt most:  
her ribs. "Hello! Lina, you forgot a little detail!" she said, waving one  
hand in front of her face.  
  
"Hm? And don't poke me there. Don't you have Kiseki to keep you happy?"  
  
"ARGH." Sighing, she slapped one hand on her forehead. "Lina, no magic.  
Remember? Capisce?"  
  
Instead of the deflation of realization that she'd been expecting--sometimes  
Lina really *was* all-too-predictable, but not this time--Nevv noticed a new  
sparkle of mischievousness in Lina's eyes.  
  
"Then we'll have to find some way to make our magic work, won't we?" she  
said, tossing her a cryptic wink.  
  
Nevv paused, then nearly stumbled over her own words in her haste. "Lina,  
I don't know what the hell you're going to do, but it better work," she  
said, looking her over curiously. Nothing. Not a sign. She was utterly  
confident, and Nevv felt a cold creep of doubt from that confidence. It  
wasn't as if she had ever gone up against the Other before...  
  
"I took on ol' Shabby and kicked his ass just fine," Lina smirked. "And I  
didn't have to worry about a thing back then." /Hah hah, that's a good one,  
Lina.../ "C'mon! Things'll be fine, trust me!"  
  
A rousing round of silence met her proclamation.  
  
"You don't trust me."  
  
"Nope." "Nuh-uh." "Most likely not, Lina Inverse."  
  
Lina glanced over at the approaching army, which was even now kicking up a  
storm of dust as it trampled along the ground towards the rip in reality  
that had announced itself so obviously about a half-hour ago. "Well..." she  
began. "... if you don't trust me, maybe you should deal with them instead  
of having me do it?"  
  
Point finger at troops.  
  
Her name is Nevv. See Nevv gape. Gape, Nevv, gape.  
  
His name is Emmanem. Watch Emmanem stare. Stare, Emmanem, stare.  
  
Her name is Kiseki. See Kiseki chant. Chant, Kiseki... CHANT?!  
  
"In the name of the Father..." Kiseki began, raising two fingers into the  
air as the area around her began to blur with the familiar aura of magical  
power.  
  
"We're doomed," Nevv groaned, turning to face the army. How the hell did  
they manage to send an army after them?! This wasn't how things were done!  
It... it wasn't *tradition*! Well, then again, she did muse on how it was  
damned hard to follow traditional folklore in real life...  
  
"... the Son..."  
  
Emmanem began twitching ever-so-slightly. "What shall w-we do, Lina  
Inverse?"  
  
"... and the Mocking Spirit, I plead of you: my guidance, my god... he who  
defines lack of victory..."  
  
"I... eugh." Lina twiddled her thumbs, hoping that something would flare to  
life. Nothing did. No Fireball. No Dill Brand. No Dragon Slave. She turned.  
"Nevv! DO SOMETHING!"  
  
"That which has been restored rightfully to the heirs of the strongest  
style shall be summoned forth to me once more!" Kiseki proclaimed  
triumphantly, floating into the air from the wisps of faint pinkish energy  
around her.  
  
"What the hell am I supposed to do?" Nevv muttered. "Ilyuum isn't here. He's  
back at the Between... and--" Stop. Wait. The Between...  
  
Discarding the possibility that Kiseki may actually be casting a spell that  
could be of help, Lina racked her brains for a solution. It didn't come.  
Mental processes always had a tendency to go kaput during the most crucial  
times--  
  
"I SUMMON THE THREE DEITIES OF THAT WHICH IS UNKNOWN TO THE WORLD!" Kiseki  
boomed, nearly knocking the three of them off of their feet.  
  
Lina, Nevv, and Emmanem looked up. Kiseki was now almost as high as Lina was  
a few minutes before, and not just in the locational sense, either. In one  
hand was a rod of energy that had a ball of pink light swirling at one end,  
the end that was aimed in front of her mouth. In the other hand was a small  
rectangle of paper. All around, the power of Saikyouism flowed and ebbed of  
its own accord, free of the constraints of any Inner or Outer or Between  
bullshit.  
  
"What... the... hell..." Lina drawled.  
  
"... I suggest we take cover." Emmanem, without waiting, darted under the  
safety of a large rock as per his old habits of being a Shadowy Figure.  
  
Lina and Nevv followed suit, as...  
  
[-----]  
  
The fool. The posturing, pink fool was just as He had told her, except now  
she was doing so in the air, her voice mumbling some words that she could  
not decipher due to their distance apart.  
  
Judging from the energy signatures, it was not a 'Slave'--a spell of random  
destructive power that He had told her about in their short, but informative  
conversation. Indeed, this girl... 'Kiseki'... was somewhat of a mystery  
even to Him.  
  
There was the briefest flicker of doubt. If *He* didn't know...  
  
No matter. The energy signature was definitely not that of a Slave's, but it  
was definitely weak, whatever it was. And if it did not have the destructive  
or manipulative capacity to deal with the army that was now bearing down on  
them, then it had little to do with her at this point. Kiseki was definitely  
not capable of casting anything that would place the army under mass-  
hypnosis or anything similar. So what she was doing now was little more than  
a glorified light show--eh?  
  
"ULTIMO!"  
  
The booming voice of Kiseki rang across the distance from where the rift was  
and directly into Aliza's ears in her base of operations almost a full  
twenty miles away.  
  
She didn't know what to make of it at first. Then prime commands took over,  
and she walked out of the elaborate tent that passed for her usually-  
palatial estate off of Bruckeheim Boulevard. She looked up, and saw a faint  
dot of power off in the distance.  
  
"KARAOKE!!"  
  
Walking out hadn't clarified anything, so Aliza Raywinged--yes, Raywinged,  
despite the Outer's position in the reality matrix, some spells were  
universal--up and began speeding towards the direction of the obnoxiously-  
loud yells.  
  
"GRANDSLAAAAAAAAAAM!!!"  
  
Below her, the troops of the Other--many just like Jukaara, before he turned  
weak--continued to wend their way towards the Inners, ignoring the girl in  
pink above them. Ignoring pretty well, too, until the strains of a pitch-  
bending, string-plucking, knee-slapping tune began filtering across the sky,  
filling the heavens with its red-necked goodness.  
  
"It... it cannot be..." one of them said, trying to cover his ears to block  
off the deadly noise, and not succeeding at all.  
  
"No... *no*! Anything but--" another one began.  
  
o/` YOU BREAK MY HEEEEEEART... IN TWO, YOU SILLY BOOOOOY!! BUT DON'T YOU  
KNOOOOOOW IT'S TRUUUUE... THAT I LOVE YOOOOOOU!!! o/` Kiseki chimed, even  
managing to maintain a syllabic inflection that was reminiscent of those who  
were born in less-than-suburban areas.  
  
"AIIIGHHHH!!" With a cry that rang in unison, a true shriek of those damned  
beyond all hope of redemption, the first wave of troops fell to the ground,  
clutching their heads in agony as they writhed in the sheer magnitude of  
pain upon them. Gritting their teeth, the second and subsequent waves pushed  
on, determined not to let a little thing like music of the hellspawn affect  
them.  
  
Guitars strummed. Fingers snapped in rhythm. Tubas blooped.  
  
o/` OH DAAAARLIIIIN', I'VE GOT MY EYES ON YOU... SO TELL ME... D'YA LIKE MAH  
DRESS IN BLUE? o/`  
  
Another wave fell, groaning in intense suffering and untold anguish. The  
remnants pushed on more... more...  
  
/This isn't working!/ Kiseki thought to herself in panic, as lights whirled  
and diddled behind her. /I need... something stronger... wait! I know!/  
  
Lights pulsed and changed colors, as a metaphysical record was flipped over,  
changing the track into that of... of...  
  
"GYAARGH! What form of torture is this?!" a general screamed.  
  
"It's... she's rapping..."  
  
"NO! It's that boring new age elevator shit!"  
  
"ARGH! Not karaoke... anything but depressing karaoke songs!"  
  
Aliza finally arrived on the scene, and simply dispatched the complaining  
troops with a wave of her hand and a flash of black. "Fools. It is all three  
of these things," she said calmly, not seeing anything wrong with it.  
  
Yet another scream of lamentation, and the army finally gave up the ghost,  
running bravely away from the girl in pink. Slowly, deliberately, Kiseki  
raised one forearm and began shaking it at the general fleeing populace. A  
loud shout of "Yatta ze.... SENSEEEEEEEEIIII!!!!" soon followed, damn near  
cracking the foundation of the ground in its decibel rating.  
  
Aliza looked up. She wasn't irritated, because that wasn't something  
warriors did. What warriors did do was take care of business.  
  
She flew up to meet her, one hand already forming a plasmic globule of dark.  
  
[-----]  
  
"I feel small," Nevv said quietly. "Very small."  
  
"... rrrgh," was all Lina could manage.  
  
Emmanem gave no indication of being fazed, since he had taken the time to  
plug his ears with Spishak Brand Earplugs (TM) before the chaos had begun.  
Popping them out (and watching as they disintegrated into dust), he turned  
calmly to the girls, smiling.  
  
"I believe Kiseki has cleared the path for us," he said, gesturing to the  
army. And in a lapse of persona that hasn't been used since a single-digit  
chapter, he gushed: "That was so *cool*!"  
  
Six mallets later, they regrouped and noticed a dark blur streaking directly  
at the high-flying Saikyou. There was a small burst of impact, and the sound  
of a spell whiffing the big one. Then Kiseki was back at their side again,  
one arm curled up in the trademark gesture of honor and mockery.  
  
"She's here!" she said nervously. "I can't hold her off!"  
  
"Who?" Lina asked. Her one-worder was answered as a streak of power slammed  
down in the ground around them, sending the four of them scattering across  
the ground, skidding to regain balance.  
  
Aliza O'Clure touched down, and noted each and every one of them (except for  
Kiseki, because, y'know, she sucked). Then she decided to go after Nevv.  
  
The now-powerless Knight of Ilyuum drew her odd sword for the second time in  
the story, and leapt aside from a blast of darkness that came flying at her  
from the side. Swinging around, she slashed at Aliza's face, hoping to land  
a random blow that would incapacitate her. The Knight of Other managed to  
weave aside, and delivered a high kick to the back of Nevv's head as she did  
so. Nevv stumbled, and Aliza capitalized, sending her flying back with a  
Flare Burst. Nevv crashed uneventfully into the ground, coughing slightly.  
  
"NEVV!" Emmy shouted. The twitch increased in frequency.  
  
"Dear boy..." Aliza cooed. "You belong with us. Jukaara."  
  
Emmanem twitched--no, *spasmed*--again. "Do. Not. Call. Me. That."  
  
"Is something wrong, Jukaara?" Aliza continued, not provoking him  
intentionally at all; she simply didn't know he was mad. "I speak the  
truth."  
  
"... GYAAAAAARRGH!!" With a scream of anger that was highly unusual for a  
man of his girth and length, Emmanem disappeared in a flash of bright blue  
and black light. Behind him, Lina and Kiseki flinched as the heat of the  
wave approached uncomfortably close.  
  
... wait. Kiseki wasn't there.  
  
Sure enough, the reliable ol' karaoke singer had taken the first second when  
things looked remotely dangerous to Fatherly Flee herself to safety.  
  
Grumbling in annoyance, Lina looked around, decided that this new chick in  
a black full-body outfit--she was equally proportioned, if not less so, than  
herself, which was a relief, because big-breasted villainesses in tight  
suits were becoming very tiresome (although the noticeable lack of curves  
made her wonder as to her creator's state of mind*SMACK*  
  
Starting the sentence over, Lina grumbled as she glanced around, and decided  
that the new chick in the black bodysuit wasn't going to be bothering her  
much more. Now, she had to find a way to open up some sort of dimensional  
breach so that she could freely summon upon the forces of her world, the  
Inner.  
  
Odd how that solution just seemed to come to her. Maybe it was the  
experience one gained from killing demon lords all the time.  
  
Speaking of demon lords, here was Johnny. Or rather...  
  
The Other.  
  
/Hello, Lina Inverse. Nice to meet you./  
  
"GYAH!" Lina yelped, whirling around to instinctively Dill Brand the bizatch  
who had sent her an instant message telepathically without her permission.  
"Who the hell--oohhh, I get it. You're that Other guy, aren't you?"  
  
/Smart girl... would you like--/  
  
Lina sighed and flapped one hand in the motion of a quacking duck. "Would I  
like to join you no thanks that's not what I do because I relieve bandits of  
their treasure and beat bad asses like you now can we get on with this?" she  
managed in one breath.  
  
/... very well. My Knight has already taken the liberty of subduing your  
little motley crew.../  
  
Lina glanced over behind her. The chick in the black bodysuit was now  
engaging Emmanem--no, Jukaara--in a bout of impressive and completely  
unnecessary hand-to-hand combat. The former pretty boy was now a god-awful  
looking demon of much ripped muscles, ripped shirt, and ripped fingernails,  
taking the punches and kicks that were hailing on his body with no sense of  
pain whatsoever. With a devastating right cross, he sent Aliza flying into  
the air.  
  
"Yeah, she's doing a real good job," Lina observed. "Aaaaaaanyways... let's  
shake the dew off of this lily, eh?" She cracked her knuckles. "So where are  
you?"  
  
/... heh. A fool, little girl. You are n--/  
  
"Whatever!" Lina stormed. "Geez, can't you just--"  
  
An idea sparked into her head... one that was so radical and so weird that  
it would've been something that her sis would've thought of.  
  
An untold distance away, Luna Inverse smiled briefly as she made her way  
through the magical defenses of a certain place.  
  
Back in the Outer, back in the land of Ibun, back in the fray, back at the  
standoff between Lina Inverse and an unseen force of the world, the idea  
flickered... jumped... and burst into flame.  
  
Lina smirked.  
  
"--go on and do whatever you were about to do?" she continued, without so  
much as missing a shake of a rancoor's tail. Praying to Nighty-sama that the  
force that she was egging on was more human than anything else, and that  
with those human attributes came blustering pride...  
  
In an infinite moment of luck that seemed to be usually attributed to the  
good guys wearing purple and yellow with fiery orange hair... the Other  
seemed to smirk.  
  
/I shall do so, Lina Inverse. And in this, you will know that it was you who  
spurred on your soon-to-be god to begin the conquest of your world./  
  
Heh. Perfect. Now let's hope this works.  
  
That was when he chose to make himself visible. It turned out that the Other  
was not a giant being of malevolent darkness, with twin crimson eyes peering  
out from behind a mask of iron-faced hatred. He was not a being of such  
infinite power that He deadened whatever He touched as He made its way past  
the land of the Outer. In fact... He was not even something that inspired  
fear in whatever and whomever laid eyes upon Him.  
  
The Other... was a short, squatty little humanoid with scraggly hair, meaty  
hands and feet (the latter being extremely hair-ridden, as if he was wading  
through a dense grassland and the grass happened to like it between his  
toes), and worn-out clothes. He was short. He was ugly. He was unimpressive.  
  
Lina dropkicked Him.  
  
Actually, no. She didn't. Because she struck a field directly in front of  
his head, and fell to the ground, clutching her ankle in pain.  
  
/Fool./ The voice returned within her head, and Lina was immediately doing  
her best to try and snatch that bit of revelation she'd had and hide it  
where he couldn't see... /I will go forth now./  
  
"Yeah," Lina said under her breath, sounding more confident than she felt.  
"You do that."  
  
Back at the fight, Nevv and Emmanem/Jukaara were now simultaneously trying  
to take Aliza on without hurting each other and failing miserably in both  
regards. With the lack of magic--something that left Nevv completely  
crippled, as she was hardly a decent hand with her sword--the girl was left  
to fend for herself while Emmy took the lead, lashing out with powerful  
punches and kicks that now hit nothing but air. Because Aliza was up in the  
sky, charging a massive ball of power between her hands; and with no force  
to draw upon, neither of them could reach her.  
  
For the most part, Aliza didn't like to use the Quantum Slave. It reeked of  
Inner magic, it was nothing but pure destruction, and that didn't appeal to  
her. Too messy. And a flashy waste of perfectly good power that could have  
been channelled for other usages. Still, there was no need to risk any other  
magic at this point. The fact that this was also the easiest way to destroy  
both of them utterly also had a hand in it.  
  
"Darkness upon darkness..." she began, whispering the words under her breath  
so softly that even she couldn't hear them over the rushing noises in her  
ears.  
  
Nevv sighed. "Oh, shit. Damn it... *damn* it! I refuse to believe that my  
life can end up this way!" Glance around. Nothing but writhing soldiers  
on the ground. Must be something you can use... *anything*...  
  
Emmanem wasn't much help, given that he was currently and repeatedly lunging  
at the sky like the duffer he was, trying futilely to reach the chanting  
Aliza.  
  
"Divine ichor that runs in our veins... in your great name, I succumb to  
your darkness..."  
  
Nevv began stacking soldier bodies on top of each other in an attempt to  
make a pile high enough to reach Aliza in time. Granted, it was an extremely  
nonsensical and probably out-of-character thing to do, but the threat of  
being destroyed by a massive tactical nuke does that sort of thing to you.  
  
"Those who oppose us shall be rendered naught by the power I bring forth  
from you now..."  
  
Aliza looked upwards at the darkening sky, where a single crack of thunder  
and lightning, very very frightening, snapped for dramatic effect.  
  
"Quantum Slave."  
  
Nevv glanced down at the dirt. "... well, looks like I'm fucked. And not  
literally, you damn pervs."  
  
[-----]  
  
"... NEVV!"  
  
She glanced up, and saw, through a hazing of pink and flowers, the beatific  
face of the blue-haired one known as Kiseki 'Umi' Rendahl. Slowly,  
blissfully, Nevv reached out to embrace her...  
  
"I've got some lemons for you to suck, if you're nervous!"  
  
... and then the embrace turned into a smack.  
  
"OW!"  
  
[-----]  
  
The tremblings could be felt in the Between, even though it was a place that  
was supposedly detached from both worlds. Within the shrouds of darkness and  
fog, two gods slowly ruminated over their decision, the outcome that was  
playing itself out right now, and what they could do about it.  
  
Ilyuum looked up first. /Perhaps we could intervene./  
  
/No,/ Ceipheed said gravely. /Doing so would be a direct violation of what  
the Sea has told us./  
  
/The... Sea...?/  
  
Ceipheed gestured grandiosquely at the spellchecker, then sweeped his arm in  
a grandiose motion around him.  
  
/The Sea, Ilyuum. You know of it. We all do... although She has many names.  
We call Her the Lord of Nightmares./  
  
Ilyuum remained silent.  
  
/You call Her the Mistress of Dreams./  
  
There was a perceptible flicker of recognition. /Yes... now I know. But how  
does interfering with this game violate Her rules?/  
  
/Ah, but you said it yourself, Ilyuum. You are truly a young god yet./ The  
Dragon took time to look around him, pondering the last time that he had  
truly been in this world, before he had sank after that battle with his  
rival, Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo. It was long ago, and yet every detail was  
clear in his mind. One of these days, he would have to tell Luna to... no  
matter now. Not until they made this situation right first. /This is but a  
game, Ilyuum, and breaking the rules is strictly forbidden./  
  
/A game.../ Ilyuum mused. A faint ripple of indignation. /I see./  
  
/Oh, do not be fretful, young one,/ Ceipheed said, and if gods could smile  
knowingly, he would have done so. /I think you will grow to like it./  
  
/But for now.../ Ilyuum began, turning towards the scene that was now  
playing itself before them--not through a scrying mirror or a portent, but  
in actual reality. Relative reality.  
  
They could feel the Other reaching... and they could feel something else:  
the undercurrent of a trust so strong, a conviction so firm, that it was  
purely unmistakeable. And with a dawning realization, both gods smiled  
sagely.  
  
/She is truly my Knight's sister,/ Ceipheed said.  
  
[-----]  
  
For the most part, no one in the Inner noticed when that desecrated patch of  
land outside Scriimtu began pulsing and rippling unrealistically, as if it  
was being subjected to the whims of a young, cruel child with the power of  
Photoshop at his disposal. (Probably because everyone in Scriimtu was dead.  
Something about too many psychotic individuals running around and there  
wasn't enough room in this town for the sixteen of us.)  
  
The rippled grew, twisted, and eventually engulfed the empty town in its  
wake, then coagulated into a solid beacon of black light... no, it wasn't  
light at all, because light gave energy. This was more like non-light. It  
removed energy where it stood, and sent it to places never to be seen again,  
places that were only vaguely hypothesized about, and usually termed with an  
odd name, an apostrophe, an 's', and 'armpit'.  
  
From forth the beacon, a slow, oozing drip of blackness seethed forth... and  
as it dripped onto the ground, the dirt that was there simply... wasn't.  
  
And then with a speed that was curiously incongrous to its size and shape,  
the ooze began spreading over the patch of land, not destroying everything  
in its wake, but merely rendering it not-there anymore. It was sent... to  
another dimension. Sort of.  
  
[-----]  
  
The Other allowed Himself a cool, cold and icy smirk and beer.  
  
"What do you say, Lina Inverse?" He said quietly, gesturing to the scene as  
it played itself on a deluxe television before the two of them. Somehow, by  
unknown means of time distortion, Aliza's Quantum Slave had still not hit  
ground zero. Perhaps it was because Nevv and Kiseki and Emmanem were just  
about to die. Time always seemed to slow down for that.  
  
Lina groaned. Being subjected to a hypothetical pay-per-view on a strange  
box that showed images in color like a perfectly-good magic mirror would had  
been the last thing she'd wanted in a confrontation with a dark lord of evil  
or whatever the Other prided Himself to be. She cracked her neck to relieve  
the stress of boredom, then managed her usual perky smile.  
  
"How about I just blast you and we can all go home happy?" she offered.  
  
"Mmm... no." He was actually speaking now, given that He had gone into human  
form. "I believe I shall start the scene I have just shown you... only this  
time, it will be for real."  
  
/About damn time,/ Lina thought acerbically, and prepared herself.  
  
The Other stretched His hand forward, and it seemed to ooze like the  
darkness in the video did, as a swirling portent of pure black opened up and  
received His gooey mess of a hand.  
  
Flash of insight...  
  
Lina felt it. It was *there*. And where she was... there she is.  
  
What the hell did that mean?  
  
"LINA HELP!!!!!!!!!" came the frantic voices of Kiseki, Emmy, and Nevv. Ah,  
the sound of Nevv begging for help... it was like music to her--  
  
"OR SO HELP ME I'LL NEVER LET YOU HAVE PEACE IN WHATEVER HELL YOU BELIEVE  
IN, LINA INVERSE!" came Nevv's voice, over the racket.  
  
Time decided to snap back to shape, and the Quantum Slave slammed directly  
into the ground where the three stood, obscuring all sight from prying eyes  
and all sound from straining ears.  
  
[-----]  
  
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com 


	11. Chapter 11

Slayers! Yoyutchi  
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)  
  
"You may kiss my butt."  
  
Episode XI: The End (Again)  
  
[-----]  
  
aaaaaaaaAAAAAAAUUUUUUuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGgggggggGGGGGHHHHHhhhhhhh--  
  
Augh.  
  
That one word, so short in both speech and spelling, and yet so  
magnificently-rich in connotation and execution. Augh. Can not enough  
tribute be heaped upon this marvellous word? Augh. It has long been a  
rallying cry of the school of Saikyouism, and a common exclamation for those  
on the receiving end of something very big and boom.  
  
While on the topic of big and boom, a Quantum Slave was headed directly for  
Nevv, Kiseki, and Emmanem. It was a large sphere of magic roughly two  
hundred feet or so wide, a singular crackling ripple in the fabric of  
otherwise perfectly-normal air. It streaked towards them with the attitude  
of a mean Volkswagen on its time of the month. And it slammed directly into  
them with the approximate force of a small, controlled nuclear explosion  
that flared out in a hemisphere of darkness that, oddly enough, was also  
exactly two hundred feet in diameter.  
  
Or so it would seem.  
  
Lina reached out... desperately, with all of her might and determination and  
capitalistic greed. She reached out with that familiar hand that had been  
the cause of many-a-bandits' demise and the bane of a soft green bunny  
slipper, and felt that surge upon her. The power was once more there... and  
as she grasped its tail, pulled, and dragged it through from the Inner,  
through the Between, and into the Outer, she felt the small breach that had  
been created widen with the process.  
  
/I'm making it worse,/ she thought to herself from the vast turmoil outside  
her head: the raging ebb of magic, the sounds of impact, the screams that  
were now fading away. /But it has to be done./  
  
With a small smirk of triumph, the Other reached out, and in one singular  
maneuver, turned the space of Inner/Outer/Between fabric inside out.  
  
It wasn't that difficult of a maneuver; hell, any of them could have done  
it. Still, He *was* the first one to actually get the guts to do so...  
because frankly, it wasn't something *any* of them had gone through before,  
so massively distorting the stream of space could have had some  
repercussions that He didn't foresee.  
  
Positions shifted. Places were no longer... there. In one world, the one  
that they were all familiar with, a man with long blond hair and a sword on  
his back was having lunch at a hotel when he was suddenly sitting on  
nothing, and eating nothing but air. The room around him blurred, and  
twisted, eventually reshaping into that of a desolate (but clean) downtown  
metropolis.  
  
Gourry Gabriev blinked. And then he began thinking. Unlike most people, this  
was an actual process that involved a measure of effort on his part--a  
conscious effort.  
  
/Um.../  
  
He looked around him again. Yep, the hotel was really, really gone. It  
hadn't been blown up, no, but it wasn't there anymore. So... um...  
  
Maybe this involved magic. Yeah, that was it!  
  
Magic... Lina!  
  
"Hey, Lina, are you out there?" Gourry called out. He decided to get up and  
take a look for himself. After all, it was just like her to get into  
trouble, and here he was, eating while she was off having fun and  
adventuring.  
  
In all actuality, Lina wasn't really having too much fun. After the worlds  
had been drawn inside-out like a giant smelly sock, she had noticed a few  
things all at once. 1) The breach wasn't there anymore, 2) the Valus Wall  
*was* holding up by some miracle of modern magi, and 3) the Other was  
winning.  
  
That last part sucked. Lina decided to change it.  
  
With a gradual dissipation of energy, the Quantum Slave faded away into the  
air. Aliza, expecting nothing left of the three who stood against her,  
swooped down to examine the wreckage of the scene... and came face-to-face  
with a glimmering wall of energy that pulsed and ebbed, sending the strands  
of leftover Quantum aside with a careless motion.  
  
"What?" Aliza murmured, not realizing.  
  
A blast from beneath her sent her flying into the air, spinning wildly out  
of control. Lowering the Guumueon spell, Lina scrambled over to the three to  
see if they were all right.  
  
"... thanks, Lina," Nevv muttered. Her usually-immaculate braid on the left  
side of her face was sticking straight out. "You did something right."  
  
"Mommy!!!" Kiseki wailed.  
  
And from Emmy's end came dead silence. The duffer had passed out on the  
ground, a large bump on his head and a hammer lying next to him.  
  
Lina blinked. "What'd you hit him for?" /It's not like he's Gourry or  
somebody./  
  
"He was trying to kill us," Nevv said bluntly. "Somebody had to do  
something."  
  
"... oh-kay." She looked up. Aliza was shaking off the effects of the Dill  
Brand and regaining her stride... she had to make sure that she wouldn't be  
of any more trouble before she went off to blast a Slave up the Other's ass.  
  
"Nevv, you go handle her!"  
  
"By myself?!"  
  
Lina nodded. "Sure! You can handle it. I'm off to beat the dark forces of  
evil now, BYE!" She skipped off.  
  
"Oh..." Nevv sighed. "I do *not* believe this is happening--ACK!" The lance  
of power barely missed her.  
  
Aliza regarded Nevv with a look of utter and complete... blankness. "She has  
made it easier for us," she said. "Now, He will rule supreme over all."  
  
"Uh huh... good day to you too. Fastbond." Nevv flicked one hand up, feeling  
the familiar, welcoming warmth of Ilyuum once more in her mind, and sent a  
spiralling line of magic towards Aliza. The girl leapt aside, rolled on the  
ground, and got back up, retaliating with her own blast of magic that  
engulfed Nevv in a sphere of black energy.  
  
Elsewhere on the battleground that was littered with the twitching bodies of  
the damned, or just those who listened to Kiseki sing, Lina and the  
non-formidable Other were squaring off, in a world that had completely  
changed around them. The tired, technical terrain was now the same field  
that was outside Scriimtu where Nevv had tried to do the very same thing a  
while ago. In fact, there was Scriimtu, right over there, off in the  
distance.  
  
"You know you cannot win."  
  
"Yeah, what makes you say that, buddy?" Lina tossed back easily. It was in  
her hands now; she had her spells, she had a sword, and she had this  
situation under control. Okay, so she'd slipped up a little by letting Him  
turn the world inside out, but at least it was still there, right?  
  
"Your gods cannot help you here."  
  
"... mrgghdarknessfromtwilightrassalfrickinmada..."  
  
The Other smiled coolly. "What's the matter, Lina Inverse? Nothing witty to  
say?" he crowed, if a short, ugly thing like Him was capable of "crowing".  
"I have already completed the first part of my plan, and you aided me in  
doing so. Such irony is *so* rare these days..."  
  
"YeahwhateverinthygreatnameIpledgemyselftodarknessladedahdefrickindah..."  
  
"Eh?" He cocked his ear to the side. "I cannot hear your complaining, dear  
one. Speak up. Your disgruntlement is precious to me."  
  
"... by the power you and I possess," Lina finished, and beamed brightly at  
the Other.  
  
"... what?"  
  
She pointed her upraised hand at the Other, and as the flaring red/purple  
ball of power leapt from her fingertips, all but her middle finger curled.  
"Dragon SLAVE, punk!!"  
  
The Other stumbled back for a brief moment before the spell washed over Him  
and the entire field, pretty much scorching everything in its radius and  
all-but-incinerating the Other to ash.  
  
Oh, don't you wish.  
  
He stepped out from the explosion and smacked Lina upside the head.  
  
"OW!" Lina smacked him back, with little effect other than bruising her  
hand. "What the hell--ACK!"  
  
The Other smirked, stretching his fingers as Lina spun and whirled  
helplessly in the air under his power. "You are strong, Lina Inverse, but--"  
  
"--but I am no match for you, yes, I know, and this is where someone shows  
up, frees me, kicks your ass, you get back up..." She sucked in a breath of  
air. "... and we both kick your ass together, thank you, drive through."  
  
No one showed up. In the background, the faint sounds of clashing magic  
could be heard as Nevv and Aliza went at it some more.  
  
"I *said*, someone shows up and *frees* me!!!" Lina yelled, wriggling in  
half-desperation, half-annoyance now. It almost felt like the Other was  
trying to grope her... yech.  
  
The Other began chuckling. It was, actually, a high-pitched, whinnying  
laugh... but it was the thought behind it that counted.  
  
"Do you expect that girl, Kiseki to save you? Or that outcast, Jukaara?" the  
Other demanded. "They pose an even-lesser threat than the Knight of Ilyuum."  
  
"Damn it..." Lina muttered, still trying to do her best to break free. It  
didn't help when a crushing sensation signalled that the Other was now going  
to kill her.  
  
Lina screamed in protest. And then the Other was sent spiralling off of his  
feet and into the air by a pinkish blast of energy and a spray of dirt. She  
glanced over, and saw Kiseki with one forearm raised, shaking it like there  
was no tomorrow.  
  
"Fear the power of Saikyouism!" Kiseki blared. "Eat it, you... female dog!  
Oh! You don't understand! I got *skills*! Oh! OW!"  
  
"We don't have time for that!" Lina snapped, putting her bunny slipper back  
into a pocket. "C'mon, we gotta help Nevv--"  
  
Nevv sent a flare of sun-bright white energy at Aliza that slammed into the  
Knight of Other. Aliza flew back a good fifty yards or so, and met the  
ground in a sandy crunch.  
  
"Looks like she's fine to me," Kiseki said.  
  
"What the hell are you doing standing around?" Nevv demanded, Raywinging  
lightly over to them. "We've got to take out the Other *now*, before this  
goes any further."  
  
"The Dragon Slave didn't work at all," Lina said grimly, turning in time to  
see the short, stumpy Other get up. "Gotta think of something else."  
  
"Ultimo Karaoke Grandslam?"  
  
"*NO*."  
  
Nevv pondered. "I can try something..." she began. "But it's very risky,  
since everything's already screwed up. If it does work, though, I *know*  
we'll be able to get rid of him once and for all."  
  
"What're you planning?" Lina said, feeling a bit worried again.  
  
"Seventh Absolution."  
  
"--*again*? What the hell good will changing the world do when it's already  
like this to begin with?!"  
  
Nevv smiled slyly. It was *that* smile, the one reserved for situations when  
a certain purple-haired priest would say "that is a secret".  
  
"Well?" Lina demanded.  
  
The response was drowned out in an ensuing explosion that sent all three of  
them flying. Lina and Nevv managed to throw up a Raywing in time to land  
neatly on the ground, as Kiseki sailed past them to crash uneventfully into  
the dirt. Off in the distance, the Other and Aliza were standing side-by-  
side, approaching them with a menacing, careful gait.  
  
"You cannot stop us, Inners," the Other said, smirking. Aliza chimed in  
agreement with a resounding ovation of silence.  
  
"Yeah, yeah..." Lina muttered, tracing a circle in the air with one finger.  
A tongue of fire leapt into being around both Other and Aliza. "Fiiiire..."  
Flick. "BALL!!!"  
  
Aliza raised a Valus Wall in time to send the flames scattering every which  
way, then charged at all three of them in a tactically-unsound manuever. She  
would have been pounded, except Emmanem chose that particular moment to  
intervene, lashing out with a high kick to Aliza's head. The blow resounded  
with a solid (but hollow) noise, and Aliza stumbled back. Pressing the  
advantage, Kiseki charged in and promptly got her ass blown away as Aliza  
recovered with a wave of her arm that sent magic scattering everywhere. Emmy  
managed to weave his way behind the wave and deliver another kick to the  
head, this one landing as well through some miraculous feat of nature.  
  
Lina decided not to ponder for too long on why Aliza, of all people, let  
herself get kicked in the face twice in a row, and turned to face the Other  
again. "This is getting *really* tiresome, y'know," she said, firing up a  
Dill Brand underneath her breath.  
  
"Then why don't you give up now?" He asked, as the rocks and other debris  
around him began floating up in the air of their own accord. "There is  
nothing you can do to us."  
  
"Dill Brand." BOOM.  
  
The rocks and other debris clattered back to the ground, and the Other  
followed suit a second later. "Will you *stop* that? It isn't doing  
anything."  
  
"Dill Brand." BLAM.  
  
Landing on the ankles constantly like that was getting painful. "I *said*  
*stop* that--"  
  
"Dill Brand." KABLOOEY.  
  
Okay, now this was getting tiresome. "LINA INVERSE, I WILL KILL YOU LIKE  
NOTHING ON THIS UNIVERSE HAS EVER BEEN KILLED BEFORE AND AFTER THAT I WILL  
TAKE YOUR REMAINS AND--"  
  
"Mega Brand." WAAAAAAAKKKAAAABOOOOOOOOM.  
  
This particular one took almost a full ten seconds to recover from, being  
that the Other couldn't find his way back to His former position (which was  
now a big circular chunk of hole in the ground) due to the flying dust  
around him. Once He did, he resumed his rant. "--AND I WILL--"  
  
Silence. There was a definite lack of a commercial name, be it of pickle or  
mega, sending Him into the air this time.  
  
The Other looked around. Swirling blue energy pushed the clouded air aside,  
and the face of Nevv Swanson smiled at Him.  
  
"Seventh Absolution," she said.  
  
"... oh, shit."  
  
The world changed again.  
  
Somewhere, a Flare Dragon and a Light God cursed violently.  
  
[-----]  
  
In the lifetime of many authors, they are usually obligated to make some  
sort of long, rambling introductory paragraph as a lead-in to the next part  
of the story. The paragraph, be it of short, stuttering sentences or flowery  
prose and long-winded adjectives, oft has little to do with the subject  
matter at hand and is usually counterpointed by a singular sentence that,  
when matched against the previous ranting paragraph, is supposed to provide  
for a humorous effect.  
  
Obviously, this was one of those setups, if nothing else.  
  
Having contributed nothing to the story and instead focusing on the rather-  
mitigable techniques of satirical writing, the last two paragraphs--one and  
one sentence, if you preferred--would have been much better off out of  
existence. However, laziness is the key word of the day.  
  
Moving right on, the world had changed again, and this entailed many things.  
First of all, Nevv did not know *how* it would change, only that Ilyuum had  
entrusted her with the knowledge and power of Seventh Absolution to wield  
when the time was right. Second of all, the Other had already done his own  
version of the reality-warping bit, and as such, the Seventh Absolution did  
no good in ways of clearing up the mess. Thirdly, the spell had been aimed  
directly at the Other.  
  
Cataclysmic, apocalyptic, devastating, stuffblowinguppy... call it whatever  
you want. It was, by definition, a bad place to be when someone launches a  
spell of that magnitude in your face.  
  
The Other was, to say the least, displeased. His architecture of  
aggression--or annoyance, or cheesy villain-ism, depending on how one looked  
at it, had crumbled apart like a cheap toy made in foreign countries. And  
now, even He didn't know what the hell was going to happen, and Philbriezo  
could take a leap off a cliff.  
  
Speaking of which, that was about what had happened as He was musing along.  
The world, having shifted once more, was now sloping sharping below Him in a  
rocky expanse of sheer height and narrow angle.  
  
Naturally, He utilized that one magic word that was so universally  
appropriate. It wasn't "Dragon Slave", either.  
  
"AUUUUUUGGHHH!!!"  
  
Tumbling ass over teakettle, the Other went rolling down the cliffside,  
scraping pretty much every part of his cloth-clad body and tearing bits and  
pieces of his un-cloth-clad body away in shrieks of pain. It wasn't *real*  
pain, obviously, because it was just a physical form... but with physical  
form came physical pain, and that was really a bitch to have to deal with.  
  
After hearing a crack or ten, He finally managed to come to a sandy, gritty  
halt at the base of the cliff. The Other glanced up, and quickly began to  
reform his physical self. He *had* to remain imposing, if nothing else.  
  
The Other looked up. Standing there, surrounded with the faint grey of  
Shamanistic magic, were Lina Inverse and Nevv Swanson. Between the two was  
Emmanem, looking as cool as ever with a portable fan that was conveniently  
out of the camera's line of sight blowing his hair back in a way that sent  
sparkling lights everywhere. And flat on her face was Kiseki, giving a weak  
'chou yoyutchi'.  
  
Then He noticed that they weren't *just* there surrounded by the grey  
ripples of their respective Raywings. Lina happened to be toting another  
sizable ball of red energy in her hands, and a wide smirk on her impish  
face.  
  
Quickly, the Other attempted to shift into noncorporeal form while knowing  
he would never make it in time. His last two words for this story were:  
  
"This sucks."  
  
"DRAGON SLAAAAAAAAAAAVE!!!"  
  
"LINA, YOU IDIOT, NOT AT POINT BLAAAAAA--"  
  
The rest was drowned out by the backwash of yet another explosion, signaling  
another tear in this already-battered world that wasn't really Inner or  
Outer anymore.  
  
[-----]  
  
A purple-haired priest smiled.  
  
"Ah, so they did it, eh?" he said, turning to the woman standing before him.  
"Good, good, I was hoping they would! Now, I can go on and begin this whole  
thing without too much of a fuss. After all, the first block's out of the  
way, so we just have to do a little stacking here and there... and voila!  
Instant entropy!"  
  
The woman smirked.  
  
"Now, now, Luna, don't go giving me that look!" the man said, looking hurt.  
"It's almost as if you don't *want* us to go through with this!"  
  
"Depends. Got my orders, and you got yours."  
  
"Ah, yes, that's true, but still, service with a smile, yes?" He smiled  
broadly at her, raising one hand in a gesture of malicious friendliness.  
"It *does* make everything so much easier, wouldn't you say?"  
  
Luna grinned. "That is a secret," she said, wagging one finger at him.  
  
And Xelloss, in turn, returned the grin, although his was decidedly more  
predatory. "Now now, no territorial infringement. Wasn't that the first  
thing they taught you in Dragon Elementary?"  
  
"Maybe." She turned away and closed the scrying mirror with a flick of her  
finger. "S'all for now, right?"  
  
"Yes, yes, of course," Xelloss agreed. "We shall have much more to talk  
about when the time comes. Oh, yes. Scurry along now, little Knight. The  
pawns are there for the moving and the rooks are closing in! No time to  
waste at all."  
  
Luna nodded, and vanished from the place that was not the Between.  
  
And a few seconds later, after allowing himself a small smile of amusement,  
Xelloss disappeared as well.  
  
[-----]  
  
It wasn't over, though. The troops had managed to recover from the Ultimo  
Karaoke Grandslam just as Lina capped a Slave up the Other's butt, and were  
now bearing down at them again. Lina was tired from having done two Slaves  
in a row like that (if the Other had made a crack about her breasts she  
would've easily been able to sustain a few dozen, but he hadn't), and Nevv  
had just changed the world. All the folk songs in the world were not enough  
to sustain the two.  
  
And then there was Emmanem, whose inherent lack of big-range blow-things-up  
doodads made him all-but nigh-useless (but very cool-looking, even in the  
face of all the hyphens) in situations where it was, like, four against a  
few hundred.  
  
Then there was Kis... never mind.  
  
"Lina?" Nevv suggested quietly.  
  
"... what?" she replied, catching her breath and scooping a bit of charred  
sackcloth off of her boot.  
  
"What do we do now?" Nevv finished somewhat-lamely.  
  
Lina glanced over at the troops, who were picking up assorted weapons from  
the ground and regaining their bearings. Target(s): one male, currently   
standing uselessly in a breeze of his own making, and three females, one  
small-breasted, one large-breasted, and one chanting something high up in  
the air behind them. She was opening her mouth.  
  
She was going to say something.  
  
The troops each hit the deck before realizing that the music wasn't playing  
in the background. What was she doing...?  
  
The lucid blue microphone of energy appeared in Kiseki's hand, and with a  
grin, she said ten magic words.  
  
"Little girl, little breasts, scares the dragon from its nest!"  
  
A wind blew past the suddenly-silent battlefield, knocking over the portable  
fan with a rattle. Jeffrey-kun would have been dismayed.  
  
Kiseki managed to Fatherly Flee the hell out of there, making sure she was  
the last thing in Lina's line of sight.  
  
Then it started.  
  
"DRAGON SLAVE!"  
  
Boom.  
  
"DRAGON SLAVE!"  
  
Kaboom.  
  
"DRAGON SLAVE!"  
  
Whackabackaboom.  
  
"DRAGON SLAVE!"  
  
Gssssssh.  
  
And so on, and so forth...  
  
[-----]  
  
The world changed again. A couple of half-mile craters tends to do that.  
  
Quietly, Nevv gathered the other three (making sure to put Lina to sleep--  
thankfully, it wasn't a hard task at all) together and opened a swirling  
portal of light, then sent them through one at a time with a convenient  
levitation spell before slipping through herself, looking at the world  
around them one last time.  
  
They'd pretty much gone in, blown everything up, and were now going to  
leave quietly and assume it never happened. Funny how things worked out.  
  
But the fact that she was *still* able to cast spells in the Outer--spells  
that she shouldn't have been able to, by the laws of restriction and summon  
access--nagged at her. It meant that the portal was still stretched open,  
the portal that lay along the reality-tunnels of the Inner, the Outer, and  
the Between in the midst of both. And if that portal was open, then whatever  
was on one side could travel to the other. Not the Other, thankfully. He was  
supposed to be dead--if not dead, then relatively out of the picture for a  
long while.  
  
Still. She'd managed to distract--if not hurt--the Other long enough with a  
Seventh Absolution in time for Lina to get in the final blow(s). But the  
spell she'd used *did* kind of mean that the world had to change in some  
form, and with that portal open from before, that meant that stuff could've  
gone between both sides of reality easily... not a good thought.  
  
Well, she'd deal with it in time, as she usually did. Ilyuum would know what  
to do. And Ceipheed. Of course.  
  
The four of them arrived back at the Between, and were greeted by the usual  
array of dark mist, fog, and rolling hills of non-stuff.  
  
"Hi!" Nevv chorused. "We're back, and we did it!"  
  
There was no response.  
  
"Hello?" Lina muttered, glancing up. "Anybody home? Sis?"  
  
Nothing.  
  
"Wonderful," Emmanem said, combing his blue hair back. "Is this a proper way  
to greet the saviors of the world?"  
  
"*You*?!" Kiseki yelled. "*I* was the one who casted two major spells that  
saved us from the army both times! What sort of credit do I get?"  
  
/Welcome back./  
  
They all looked up--and before them stretched three figures of pure power,  
pulsating in their respective aural colors and shimmering in time with the  
fog that wafted past the 'ground'.  
  
One of them was a tall, glorious azure Dragon that defied all description,  
leaving the mind struggling for words as to its awe.  
  
The other was a significantly-smaller but still large man with wings on his  
back and a classical beauty to his face, which was completely golden along  
with the rest of his chiseled yet immaterial body.  
  
The third was a twisted, malevolent being that shone a deep purple, its own  
aura competing for dominance alongside the other two. It was strange-looking  
and yet at the same time, somehow benevolent, in a fairly perverse way.  
  
They all bowed in time.  
  
/Congratulations, Lina Inverse, Nevv Swanson, Emmanem, and Kiseki Rendahl,/  
the Dragon said in a voice that resounded directly in their minds, a deep  
rumbling baritone that was pleasant and ominously-foreboding.  
  
/You have done very well,/ the man-angel said, smiling, his voice a rich  
tenor that exuded warmth and light.  
  
/Yes... and you will continue to do so until the very end,/ the monster said  
in a tone that was cold, unagreeable.  
  
/You have lost, Other,/ Ilyuum reprimanded. /Accept your loss gracefully./  
  
/My Knight was *superior* to yours,/ Other retorted. /And Ceipheed's was not  
involved. *How* did I lose?/  
  
/You lacked the very thing we taught our pawns,/ Ceipheed said, turning to  
look at the four once more.  
  
/That would be what, old man?/  
  
A faint surge of indignation, but no action. None whatsoever.  
  
/It would be that, despite how evil may work, and what evil may think...  
good will triumph in the end./  
  
/This is *not* true,/ the Other protested again.  
  
/Perhaps not.../ Ceipheed agreed gravely. /But your lack of experience and  
overconfidence also cost you the game--/  
  
"Hold it, HOLD IT!" Lina yelled, her voice echoing in the hollow Between.  
"What the hell are all of you talking about?"  
  
The three gods turned to look at her for a moment before replying.  
  
/You do not yet know, Lina Inverse?/ Ceipheed asked. /You have much to learn  
from your sister, then./  
  
/The game has only begun, Nevv Swanson, and there is much lying ahead of  
you,/ Ilyuum continued.  
  
"Thank you very fricking much."  
  
/As for my part... I will honor the treaty which we have agreed to,/ the  
Other said reluctantly. /But not before they are restored./  
  
The other two gods nodded in agreement, and before any of them could say a  
word otherwise, a bright light shone, pulsed, and then faded, leaving the  
Between calm and empty once more.  
  
[-----]  
  
/You owe me one thousand gold, Other./  
  
/I *knew* I should have not chosen a Knight who looked like Lina Inverse in  
terms of body proportions./  
  
[-----]  
  
"Lina? Hey, Lina!"  
  
Someone shaking her shoulder. Lina swiped irritably at the air and rolled  
over, mumbling something that sounded similar to "gwafodonwannageupgoway".  
  
"OW! Hey, Lina, what was that for?"  
  
That voice sounded oddly familiar. No, it couldn't be.  
  
Rolling back over in bed again, Lina got the sheets tangled around her in a  
sweaty bundle and ended up really uncomfortable. The innocent male voice  
nagging for her to get up wasn't helping, either, so she finally got up,  
rubbing her eyes. "Wha...?"  
  
The smiling face of a handsome man with long, blond hair hanging over one  
eye and behind his back in a long mane greeted her. "Hi, Lina!" he said  
cheerfully.  
  
"GOURRY?!"  
  
"Um... yeah! That's me! Say, Lina, it's been almost three weeks since I saw  
you last! Where'd you go off to? I mean, I was just passing by and I thought  
maybe we could have lunch and--"  
  
"Lunch?!"  
  
Scramble up and dash, carrying a long-haired blond swordsman behind her.  
"Let's GOOOOOOO!!!"  
  
"Hey! Lina! Be careful!!"  
  
[-----]  
  
In another part of the world, a certain blond-haired mage awoke in the town  
of Eyenowatudidulasumer (a long but fairly-easy name to memorize),  
population 400. There was a note lying next to her on the bedstep, and  
exactly thirty gold and sixteen silver in coins.  
  
Nevv picked the note up and read it.  
  
"Hello, Miss Swanson! When you read this, you will have no doubt regained  
consciousness in a most-magnificent inn with all the trimmings included. I  
urge you, enjoy yourself and relax, for you've had a hard time! Take a load  
off, and while you do, please contact either me or a certain big-bosomed  
Knight as soon as you can, because we have *so* many things to catch up on.  
Yes, we do! Anyways, do try to contact me, because we have something coming  
up for everyone, and that does include you! I'd hate for you to miss out on  
it, Miss Swanson! My number is 1-800-HIMITSU-DESU. Thank you ever so much!  
  
P.S. I've given some money to help pay for the fees and a meal or two. Think  
of it as a present, from me to you. Have a nice day! ^_^"  
  
"... oh, shit," Nevv muttered, sighing and slapping one hand against her  
forehead. "It's *not* over yet..."  
  
[-----]  
  
As for Kiseki and Emmanem... well, they were currently sharing a similar  
extenuating circumstance.  
  
Let's look at Kiseki first.  
  
"SENSEI?! But... I thought you were..."  
  
Dan Hibiki shook his forearm violently, causing another delicately-balanced  
piece of lumber to fall down on the ground behind him. "NEVER, my student,  
my Knight of Hibiki! For anyone who is a practitioner of Saikyouism has the  
power of escaping *any* situation! *Always* coming out on top! Did you not  
do your utmost against the nasty interdimensional forces and whatnot?"  
  
"Well, yes..." Kiseki said shyly, glancing at the ground. "But no one gives  
me credit!"  
  
He patted her on the shoulder comfortingly, and began speaking in a more  
quiet tone of voice. "Kiseki, my dear student, when you are as ol--  
er, experienced as I am, you will realize that credit it not what being a  
true Saikyouism mage is all about. It's about *honor*... *glory*... *pride*,  
and most of all, knowing that you made a difference!"  
  
"So... I did good?" she sniffled, looking up at him.  
  
"Yes! And you shall do more good right here, in helping me reconstruct  
Kennelia!"  
  
Kiseki blinked. Another piece of wood clattered down.  
  
[-----]  
  
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com 


	12. Chapter 12

Slayers! Yoyutchi  
by Leaf-Chan (leaf_chan@excite.com)  
  
"La la la."  
  
Episode XIII: In The Beginning, There Was Stuff  
  
[-----]  
  
But it wasn't over yet. C'mon, don't groan? It almost is... just bear with  
me a while longer, and I promise everything will be fine.  
  
Yes? Oh, good. Thank you. Here we go.  
  
Moving on to Emmanem.  
  
"So we meet again, Jeffrey-kun."  
  
"Yes. And this time, you will not humiliate me."  
  
"I thought I humiliated you?"  
  
"Whatever. KNIGHT OF FLAMING JUSTICE, GOOOO!!!"  
  
I think not much more need be said for now.  
  
As for those two lovable (in a strictly-Platonic sense) Mazoku, let's just  
use *one* sentence:  
  
"Ace, we shall rise again."  
  
Okay, how about two sentences?  
  
"I already have."  
  
So, that was how it started, and how it got started. Now as this was drawing  
to an end, everyone was happy... for now. There were changes, yes, but no  
one, not even the three gods taking sanctuary in the Between, knew of them  
exactly yet. Only time and chaos will tell where the future would lead to.  
  
And for a certain lolicon-shaped Knight, that would be with Lina Inverse.  
  
[-----]  
  
Author's Notes: Well, now, *this* is the real ending. I hope you had fun  
reading my little bit of improvised silliness based on an anime I don't  
have that much experience with (hence the original characters and settings).  
At any rate, there's a sequel planned out for the future--two, actually:  
Slayers! Roshya, and Slayers! Oyaji. I also have another Slayers fanfic in  
the process of conception, called Slayers! Fractal. Yes, much fun will be  
had. What do you think, guys?  
  
[Lina]: I still think you sold me short, you bastard. At least I got the  
killing blow.  
  
[Nevv]: Yes, but *I* was the one who let you do that after weakening the  
Other with that big spell.  
  
[Other]: It hurt, if I may add.  
  
[Kiseki]: Oh yeah?! Well... I saved your butts after the Other kicked the  
bucket by stopping those troops!  
  
[Lina]: YOU!? *I* was the one who casted those Dragon Slaves at you after  
you had the gall to insult my breasts!  
  
[Emmanem]: I did... nothing.  
  
[Aliza]: It's all right, hon. You'll get plenty of spotlight next fanfic. As  
will I.  
  
[Nevv]: Wait, you're not showcasing me anymore, Jeff?  
  
Um... no, you already were, like, almost the main character of this one.  
  
[Nevv]: Oh, true. Fine, then. I hand you over to Jeff, o Knight of Other!  
Beware, for he is truly a pervert!  
  
Shut up.  
  
[Lina]: Anyways, thanks for reading!  
  
[Luna]: Yeah. Real cool of Twoflower to help me sound all nifty and stuff.  
  
[Kiseki]: I'm the star! I'm the star!  
  
[Nevv]: Well, whatever.  
  
[Emmanem]: ~angst~  
  
[Aliza]: ...  
  
[All]: BYE! ~whoosh~  
  
Well, that was decidedly odd. Anyways, here's the list of people that have  
helped me in the production of this story...  
  
- www.inverse.org, for the *tons* of information  
- Stefan Gagne a.k.a. Twoflower, for inspiring me with his Trilogy and for  
Luna's entire character  
- Darkheart One, author of Slayers Rave, for doing IC checks, prereads, and  
a fellow Slayersfic writer  
- the people of Tokyo-3 for their random bits of support  
- Amanda Berman, for being more rabid than I was about the story  
- and for a prissy excuse of a copout, anyone else I might have forgotten  
to mention  
  
Look out for Slayers! Roshya sometime in the future, once I get some other  
projects off of the road. BYE!  
  
[-----]  
  
Comments can be sent to: leaf_chan@excite.com 


End file.
